Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
mehwhateverr 0
How is calling her son an idiot humorous? You know, if he's young enough to think a volcano would start in his tummy from swallowing baking soda, then you should NOT be calling him an idiot. YDI. Also, as said above me, where the **** was his idiot mother?
Allord 0
TAHTS WHAT WEMEN GET WHO HAVE CHILDRENS
tany_fml 0
dont you just love kids?
Hockeylover87_71 0
HAHA your son is Awesome!! =D
mzmaverickd 7
YDI for failing as a parent and leaving him alone while aware that you have failed as a parent. Your "idiot son" sounds young and if you left him alone within reach of it, YDI.
Sturmeh 0
Hopefully he also stupidly forgot the vinegar.
kuntageous 0
Bitch for calling your son an idiot
eeee93757 0
Bad apples don't fall too far from the tree..
lowcapacityx 0
UM! Why so mean jellybean? That's totally not nice to call your son that.
ish_happens223 0
what a shitty mom to call your kid an idiot, especially when it's probably a younger kid for referring to his stomach as 'tummy' so way to go, Looser Mom to the Rescue...