Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
Ranoona 0
You dont have to call your son an idiot that's harsh =/.
tangerXD 0
lmfao
SookMauNoots 0
yeah fyl becuase u had to make a phone call
omigawdd 0
i put YDI cuz u called him an idiot.... seriously why would u call him an idiot kids will be kids i bet u did something stupid too when you where young. it would be more of an fml if u said he wuz 15 or something.
kacie13 1
He didn't know any better. he's a KID, & you're calling your him an idiot? that's just mean. I'd figure that a good parent would be frantic and worried, you apparently don't care.
Njord09 2
"my idiot son" = MEGA WIN ! lol i cant stop laughing haha
Phoenix_GAD 0
you bitch. f his life for having to have a mother like you. **** you. i feel bad for your child. my god.
survivalism 0
Idiot parents raise idiot kids.
falling_over 0
No, it is wrong to call your child in idiot in this case. If the boy who swallowed baking soda is 15, yes he's a moron. If he's four, which is a lot closer as far as I'm guessing, then you are just a bitch. Its your fault for not keeping hazardous materials from a small child. You are the idiot. He is a child. See the difference? Maybe it would be better for him if he were removed from your custody, since clearly you don't care for him. You won't have to deal with an "idiot", and, more importantly, he want be at risk from one. How dare you blame a child for something it is your job to prevent?
hawkloverr 0
your idiot son better be 30 for you to be talking about him like that, you piece of shit.