Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
deserved 3
And you just called your son an idiot? What a nice mother.
burnhamt23 0
Ydi for calling your son an idiot
kpark115 6
^
staceybby 0
wtf that's retarded. calling poison control i mean. my dad takes baking soda to neutralise stomach acid, it's not that bad, you shoulda just made him drink some vinegar.
octopuspanda 0
i love how people say YDI b/c she calls her son, who is probably too young to use the internet and fml, an idiot like she actually said it to his face. retards. because im sure none of our parents ever were talking to their friends about us and called us idiots. right...
mojo4395 0
If your kid is young enough to "want to make a volcano in (his) tummy" you're the idiot for leaving the baking soda where he could get to it. Plus, you're obviously a crappy parent to use the phrase "my idiot son" for what is obviously a young kid. Please take some parenting classes.
Milklaptop 0
I must advise you to keep potentially harmful things away from children, because yes, they are idiots. I would say you deserved it, but i really hate little kids because of how annoying they are. So I can't help but feel sorry for you having to have to go off to the hospital.
strike9 0
FYI, your the idiot. You should have brought him up better. And I´m assuming he´s not Autistic or mentally challenged due to the fact no parent would call them an idiot, or write about it on FML.com. B!tch.
ediciusNJ 0
Kudos for acknowledging that your child is an idiot. You'll be at least somewhat prepared for all the other idiotic things that children do.
AnotherStranger2 0
Gah, at least he's okay. I hope? And thank you for not babying your child by calling him a little perfect angel. Kids are idiots at times, so are adults, we all are. It's not going to scar him for life just because he's been called an idiot. If anything, he won't have an ego the size of the titanic. He's a crafty little guy, though. A volcano in his stomach. Lol. Though deadly, it's a little cute. XD
Andyangels27 0
kids do stupid shi.t he's not necessarily an idiot