Kids, Drugs and Teenagers: Off his **** on placebos - FML

Off his **** on placebos

By being this dumb should hurt - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 161

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Same thing different taste

Far out

By mary b. - 15/08/2022 14:00

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher, saying that he raised his hand during a test to say he "couldn't focus, because the ‘metroids’ are harassing me.” Apparently, he forgot about the test and took a healthy dose of shrooms right before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 242

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 400

You deserved it 17 297

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 328

You deserved it 15 918

Sussy Baka

By boymom - 04/08/2021 15:59

Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 161

Nature calls

By anon - 27/07/2023 22:00

Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 181

By D - 03/09/2013 18:04 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 346

You deserved it 2 730

High times

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 00:00

Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 111

By Chandler - 16/09/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 2 938

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 370

You deserved it 9 816

By whattabrat - 26/02/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 082

You deserved it 3 298

Next

Top comments

Linda Graber 12

Saturday 18 March 2023 2:18

🤣🤣🤣 Guess no need to keep saving gift his college fund.

vchan 20

Saturday 18 March 2023 2:49

Placebo effect. 🤣

Comments

Linda Graber 12

Saturday 18 March 2023 2:18

🤣🤣🤣 Guess no need to keep saving gift his college fund.

vchan 20

Saturday 18 March 2023 2:49

Placebo effect. 🤣

tiptoppc 19

Saturday 18 March 2023 11:38

Nope, just shear idiocy!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 351

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 647

You deserved it 390

The Top

Today, I think I found the person I feel is my soulmate while I was in Montana this past weekend. My friend’s wife’s best friend. She was perfect, same sense of humor, same sarcasm, good morals, and absolutely gorgeous. I was struck. And then I received a text message from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 2 556

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 103

You deserved it 3 463

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 2 764

Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 905

You deserved it 503

Today, like every day since my diagnosis, I've had to choose between two impossible options. Either I deal with debilitating headaches where I cannot focus, or I feel so drowsy that I cannot focus. My finals are in a week and I can't study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 92

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 425

You deserved it 4 971