Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
cheerrunxc14 0
YDI for having kids. And to me it sounds like he is young? So really who's the idiot? Daddy or him?
jewelzgalore 0
"Idiot son." Ah, I sense the compassion. But seriously, lmao!
containsnosoy 0
Ouch, maybe he's looking for attention.. or maybe to get away from you. Tummy is typically the word chosen by younger children, if that's the case, he's not a f*cking cat, he's your child. Take care of him, look after him, or else what do you expect? Why's the baking soda even in reach? If it's not, how could he get it without somebody noticing? Take some responsibility.
theunwantedone 0
Y'know, you're a real bitch. If your son is young enough to swallow baking soda to make a volcano in his stomach, he's obviously rather young, and you call him an idiot? I know I shouldn't judge on an assumption, but seriously? That's just a horrible thing to say.
fballs2006 0
DON'T listen to "staceybby"!!!! vinigar will expand rappidly when mixed with vinigar. that will NOT be good. give him water. baking soda = not harmful by itself. water will dilute it, so not much will react with it. water = good. vinigar = BAD!
batman42091 0
wow... calling your little kid an idiot is pretty ****** up. what a bitch
MattZLyphSux 0
**** you asshole dont you EVER call youre kid an idiot
Jacob726 0
your son just might be a reatard. double up on his life insurance. I'm just saying play it safe, get something on the back end for all the hell the moron is going to cause you.
nastassio 0
this one made me laugh, not because of what actually happened, but because you refer to him as your "idiot son"
kleonard04 0
Why was his idiot mother not watching him?