Caught short

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 934
You deserved it 3 393

Same thing different taste

Top comments

you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.

i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit


you could have just stopped at a store or fast food joint.

Yeah, but no one likes to take a dump in public restrooms. Even in these circumstances xD Plus, he was "dying" to take a dump so maybe he couldn't wait any further to use the bathroom by going to a store.

I don't either, but if I were "bursting" to go, I'd have gone for it. I bet OP wished he did too since it beats taking a dump caveman style.

I agree with #11 I once had to use the woman's restroom in a gas station during a road trip. The looks I got as I walked out haunt me to this day.

#14: Are you saying I'm worse than a public restroom?

He right , no one wants to use a nasty toilet :/

incoherentrmblr 21

Well, at least you've fertilized the lawn. Scott from Scott's Lawn care is happy that you fed your lawn with your own type of Miracle-Gro. Feed your lawn. Feed it!...

ahippienamedrae 10

#11, you gotta do what you gotta do.

That moment when the creepy neighbor asks if he can have it for his lawn....

or you could have gone to your neighbour's

i don't know man. ... that was some serious shit

we know which tree is gonna be the biggest this year

in the end we're all just animals. everyone knows whose yard it is now!

Oh my goodness. This was one of the few FMLs that legitimately made me lol. Did you use leaves to wipe???

Socks were sacrificed and had a proper funeral under the backyard tree.

When you go to the bathroom and have no toilet paper, be a man and use your hand!

#33 I don't think anyone would be that desperate to use their own hand......

51 was just an old rhyme I heard a long time ago wasn't literal...just hard to convey it through text that it wasn't meant to really use your hand. My apologies!

Oh, my bad to then #54, i probably should have picked that up! :P

LostInTheZone11 29

There's nothing like getting back to nature.

You should have called ur wife to check first before u left somewhere that probably had a bathroom

Maybe it hit him on his way home. Shit happens.

I honestly thought you were gonna say you crapped your pants before making it to the bathroom.

I personally thought he went into the bathroom really fast and the next thing he knows he was on the toilet doing his business 2 inches away from a chocked plumber.

Maybe if everyone stops making these jokes, we can enjoy them again somewhere 50 years from now.


PresidentNorth 16

Damn dude chill out. ***** not the serious.

Gaernem 17

Ahh the smell of fresh air and fresh sing, nothing like it. Well at least that tree will get some good human fertilization.

Gaernem 17

fresh dung* Auto correct.. My shittiest enemy.

Dude... I hated it as much as, if not, more than you did. You couldn't have just used the bush? Speeding in this case could make things much worse! Trying to get home and defile your tree, when you're pulled over for speeding... That's a whole new level of FML.