Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML
Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML
Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML
Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML
Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML
Today, I shaved my lady bits for the first time to surprise my husband, who I haven't seen in months due to deployment. I ended up with razor burn and my dim-witted husband believes I cheated on him and that it's an STD. Nothing will tell him otherwise. FML
Top comments
eyepuppy 31
seriously, how stupid can you be?
Pleonasm 35
Happiness is only real when shared. Or is that Herpes?
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Comments (150)
JustinKirby 20
Damn, that sucks OP!
golden_warrior 23
You silly goose. It's just a gift so you will always remember the awesome time you both had. Gift and sex, aren't you special :)
Llama_Face89 33
No see if that was all he wouldn't be having this issue..
CallMeMcFeelii 13
See I had almost the same thing happen to me. When she said it was just razor burn I said, "It's ok, I got.. to go!" And I was out of that room faster than she could say "Batman where'd you go?" See it was Halloween and everything so I was batman.. But yeah.. Batman don't **** around with no STDs!
ryanthecheeseguy 18
I wish there was a button for that.
Caitie_kid 8
I wish there was a button for really annoying people that can't just scroll past comments like these, without taking time to put an annoying and snarky comment like "I wish there was a button for that".
fml121785 14
Wtf 206: You just did exactly the same thing 112 did that you are complaining about! Lead by example! Smh
kyu_Q 19
I don't know why #61 got thumbed down. people who get sarcasm and with common sense is a very hard to find these days.
tjv3 10
Always wrap it before you tap it.
tjv3 10
If she knowingly infected you with something that is actually a form of assault.
eyepuppy 31
seriously, how stupid can you be?
s13495 19
depends how experienced OP is and how convincing they look like razor rash :/
MissMae93 23
Standard sex rule: don't be silly, wrap your willy.
squidgy787 22
This was a skin to skin infection, not because of a transfer of body fluids. A condom would bot have been much help in this case. It's not like the red bumps were located deep inside her vginal canal, they would have been on the outside, hence the "razor bump" explanation.
golden_warrior 23
48 - condoms break and they are not 100 perfect effective. However, OP should stop ******* strangers. Just think of it this way: if she is willing to go home with you then she must have done it with others. You are not special nor an exception.
Enslaved 36
52 is so correct especially, when it comes to herpes. It can easily get transmitted from skin on skin contact that hasn't been covered by a condom. On the different topic. I've read (somewhere) that to prevent razor bumps down there-- one can just smooth on deodorant (solid not roll on) after shaving. I tried it and it did indeed work on me. :P
MissMae93 23
Secondary standard sex rule: don't bang strangers.
KawaiiCupcake 14
The first thing I noticed that "a girl I had sex with" Which makes me think OP wasn't serious about this chick and has a one night stand. Second, OP is a naive dumbass! You will thumb down me for this, but in a way OP deserves it! People who are desperate to have sex are so stupid! Why all the rush to sleep with someone?? If OP was going to, he would at least found a girlfriend.
Little4Bear 10
You know what they say! When a man is turned on, his second head takes over. Or atleast thats what my mother says to me.
KawaiiCupcake 14
#134 you have a smart mother
TattooInvasion 14
#73 Man, I'm gunna try that! Does it work for pesky ingrown hairs too?
darwin333 11
While I completely agree with the fact that he was stupid, to be fair he probably didn't have much blood in his big head at the time.
Xalandra 17
153- That's a cop out and you know it. It's time to start taking responsibility for your actions. if it was actually scientifically true that men lose all rational thought when turned on then men would be able to get away with rape. Turned on or not, men are actually able to still make decisions for themselves. For example, actually putting a condom on before just sticking it in. Humans, males included, are capable of rational thought and also able to control their actions when they get strong sexual urges. Stop trying to excuse bad and risky behavior with that argument.
KushCrushin89 10
160- I don't think anyone actually believes that men lose the capability of coherent thought when turned on. It's just a funny thought. I suggest the following: 1. Pull down pants. 2. Remove stick from anus. 3. Familiarize yourself with humor.
matvx 5
U say desperate, I say horny
alycion 38
160 -rape isn't usually about sex, it's more about power, abuse, humiliating the victim, etc. So even if the stated sarcasm was true, the rape argument wouldn't hold up.
skitzymew 19
134, both of my parents have said the same thing. Along with "a man can't think with both heads at once".
SparklyCuntt 12
While yes OP is a bit stupid, I'm disgusted with how many of you are **** shaming twats. Stop it and grow up.
mikepzz 27
If I didn't have sex with a stranger I wouldn't have had my long term relationship with my gf. Turned out pretty damn good in the end
iluvpeanutbutter 22
Same here, 205 :) My one night stand and I are still together 6 years later.
darktank 3
160 you have obviously never been in the heat of the moment.... sometimes passion takes over and well you forget! which is why I have 2 kids (with someone I love of course) that's why we created things like penicillin, and anti retro virals and shit like that
Xalandra 17
219- oh yes, I have never been in the hear of the moment. I just completely forget that I'm not ready for kids and have my bf just stick it in sans condom. There's this thing called self control. Everyone has it, and people who claim they don't are just shirking their personal responsibility. And to those who so eloquently suggested I remove the stick up my ass? I'm sorry but I don't find that funny when men use lame excuses that don't make sense. (besides, what business is it of yours what my sexual proclivities are?) Seriously though, grow up. Take responsibility for your actions. If you're gonna be ruled by your dick, you better have insurance for the STDs you're gonna pick up in your life. Also, about the rape thing. Yes it's mostly about power and control, but victims get blamed often if they were wearing "provocative" clothing. Its seen as an excuse for the rapist because they "couldn't help themselves" because the victim was showing so much skin. I've even heard of a case or two going in favor of the rapist because the victim was showing "lots" of skin. Such bullshit. That's what I was referring to. It has been used as an excuse before.
fml121785 14
I don't think this is the right site for you 222. Maybe try something a bit more serious. We are just trying to have some fun here. Half of the shit people say on here is not meant to be taken literally. Why don't you do us and you a favor and head on over to a site that doesn't involve "**** my life" at the end of it, huh? I don't know of any off the top of my head to suggest to you because my panties are not so tightly wadded up my ass that I can't laugh at a joke once in a while!
ohcheriecherie 20
for real, razor bumps don't look anything like herpes.
Trix_Disorder 20
#73 That sounds itchy and uncomfortable (like when you put on deodorant right after you shave your armpits). Also, antiperspirant deodorant had aluminum in it and has been proven to sometimes cause breast cancer, so I shudder to imagine what it possible does down stairs. D:
japtap81 16
Even with the herpes medications, it's NOT a cure, it just heals the sores faster. But either way ur still at risk for getting them, with or without an outbreak. 3% chance but it's still a risk.
mommykrissy_05 7
Deodorant and baby powder both work.... heard about it when i was a teen no razor bumps ever since.
SourDisposition 5
48: Standard sex rule #2: no glove, no love!
iammeorami 25
Well ****. No don't listen to that. Well don't **** now.
mFUNdo21 17
cover your stump before you hump
efettes 19
Condoms don't always protect from STDs sadly
gc327072 30
40- true, OP was screwed either way unless he had put a trash bag between them. HEFTY! HEFTY! HEFTY!
kazrron 5
wimpy wimpy wimp¡
mansen 15
Herpes have a viral shed zone...that is called the boxer shorts area. a condom doesn't cover that big of space when someone is in an active stage.
jay2bird776 6
Ouch :(
Pleonasm 35
Happiness is only real when shared. Or is that Herpes?
Little4Bear 10
You know what they say! When a man is turned on, his other head takes over.
Xalandra 17
You know what they really say? Grow the hell up and take responsibility for your actions. Especially if you're old enough to be having sex. Well, maybe I'm the only one that says that, but is still holds true. Rational thought is possible even when sexually aroused. Stop making excuses for your hasty and reckless actions.
flockz 19
you don't laugh much do you Xalandra?
KillSwitch96 18
You know what I say? Shut up Xalandra! Nobody wants to hear you bitch anymore! This is supposed to be a funny site and you obviously don't understand sarcasm! We all understand thst people all have self control even if they are in that state of mind; so you can stop repeating yourself now! Lighten up a bit!
KillSwitch96 18
That*
every1luvsboners 11
You ain't lived until you've had a STD. Good job OP, you're now living the American dream.
efettes 19
STD's are apart of being an American?..
ElizabethNL93 20
Well shit. I guess I'm "unAmerican" then..
kayleighcupcake 14
thank **** im not american! lol
ElizabethNL93 20
You do realize that people ANYWHERE can contract STDs, right? Morons.
gc327072 30
I sense a disturbance in the force... as if a million voiced suddenly didn't get it…
gracehi 31
It truly amazes the comments that people take seriously on here.
ladypunk 8
Guys. This is Every1luvsboners. Calm down.
illmatic2 16
Stupid *****
Han1156 23
My god boners is back
tbabyfosho 7
people do not knoweth of such behavior called.."sarcasm"
baconboy_42 8
I do believe this post has the highest number of thumbs down I've ever seen.
allipurrr 10
It's called sarcasm, moron. Look it up.
ADOG2645 17
Don't worry, at least I am smart enough to figure out that this is sarcasm :)
wowlolreally 12
Holy shit sue that bitch!!
Welshite 39
For what? It was consensual. OP wasn't forced to sleep with her, and it was his decision to do so even after he noticed the bumps.
EpicSquishii 21
Actually, if someone lies and knowingly passes on herpes, they're legally liable for medical costs.
NeighSoulSister 6
...This is probably one of the dumbest reasons to sue someone I've ever seen.
mraustindean 4
You could only get them put in jail or possibly sue if they didn't tell you they had HIV/AIDS because that's attempted murder.
UrYousername 15
She didn't inform him that she had an STI which she is legally obligated to do.
Treveyon56 14
I'm not sure about suing but you can have charges pressed. If she knowingly did this without telling you then she can go to jail.
junkman6 22
You sue happy folks crack me up. OP was dumb enough to get down with a loose person. OPs own damn fault, if you're gonna **** random bar hook ups you gotta be ready for drippy dick. Personal responsibility, I know it's not a popular concept but learn it.
BeccaHugs 17
Am I the only one thinking that maybe this woman actually just believed that it was razor burn? I know it's a long shot and I shouldn't really be defending her but maybe she honestly didn't know that she was caring an STD.
Enslaved 36
From what I heard about herpes, it is extremely painful and the first flare up is usually the worst. I find it difficult that she wouldn't know. However, maybe she didn't lie; she might have truly had razor burn to--hide her herpes symptoms. :P
gc327072 30
28- yea, my girlfriend wasn't excited when I told her I had an STI. She doesn't like Subarus.
tiernang 21
sexually transmitted infection is the same as a sexually transmitted disease. therefor STI is the same as STD
cassieleigh1 8
No, it's not. An STI can be very minor, such as the common yeast infection
tiernang 21
i guess i didnt mean to say same thing, i just couldnt think of what to say. i meant that STI is a real thing, not just a car.
SkyBlueCloud 21
#11 If you have an STD/ STI you are by law legally obligated to tell that person. So yes you can sue someone for not telling you they had something. Some people in the heat of the moment don't notice. It ex ones the infected persons duty to tell you. If you have herpes and you do it tell someone and they bought it from you , you can definitely be sued. I took a legal studies course.
SkyBlueCloud 21
# 109 No it's not. Most sexually transmitted infections fall under syphilis exc a sexually transmitted disease would be herpes/Aids
darwin333 11
You can sue someone if they knowingly lie in a business transaction and at worst you just lose money. Why would suing someone for knowingly lying about having a STD, which you then catch, be the worst reason ever? He has to take responsibility for his actions but not her? Why is that?
love_me_electric 20
121: A yeast infection is not an STI *facepalm* Also the difference between STI and STD, is an STD has progressed to the point you are experiencing symptoms. STI just means you carry the bacteria/virus, you may not necessarily have any symtoms.
PerditaDessa 38
I'm thinking since it was a one night stand he's probably missing important information to sue/press charges against her. You know, like her last name, address or anything that can legally identify her.
Jackasss_fml 14
Niggers are just looking for a reason to sue people. Sometimes for the **** ups made by their own. How obvious that the **** commenting "sue" is another damn ******
jannatanelle 5
STI is an infection... anything you can cure STD is a disease not ever going away. some STI s are capable of becoming STD if not caught in early stages.
jannatanelle 5
and you can have a STD with no symptoms
mansen 15
@97 I agree with you. No way the girl could not have known she did not have herpes. The first flare up is the worst and most painful, leading people to get diagnosed. Therefore, she should be telling any sexual partner afterwards that she had it, flare up or not and they are at risk or not. She might have thought at the time she legitimately had razor burn instead of a flare...early stage of a flare...could have been confused I guess. But she is obligated to tell a partner about her disease, if ahe has any concious at all.
rockstar81 8
Actually, you can very much have the disease and not know it. It can lay dormant in your system for up to 7 years without a single symptom. And there is a strain of Herpes where you are an asymptomatic carrier. You always carry the virus, you can always spread it, but never in your life have a single symptom. So without testing, you would have no idea you had it.
hienzburgess 9
diseases can be cured .....
Melix 31
This is why you need to be careful when it comes to sex.
nix1993 41
Way uncool. If you have a 'problem', deal with it, don't spread it. Common courtesy, people. This girl needs a smack upside the head.
ElizabethNL93 20
I never understood that- instead of NOT having sex or at least seeing a doctor first, people would rather spread their nasty diseases. And shame on you, OP. Just because someone is willing to have sex with you does not mean that they will be honest about everything.
lexa1love 16
Although I agree with both of you, it is possible that the girl didn't know and really thought it was razor burn.
red225 14
Condom courtesy
emilycb93 12
Always wrap it up.
cloud720 5
Unless you are wearing a full body condom, just wrapping it up won't be a good way to prevent getting herpes.
MidnaLink 33
Full body and double layer condom!
tiernang 21
double layer is BAD. the friction between the condoms breaks them.