Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to...

By lovelikewoe - 11/7/2010 01:00 - United States

Today, I made my mom a mix CD for her car. It took me ages to find just the right songs that would be perfect for her. When I played it for her in the car, she took it out and threw it out of the window. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Headache

By BrokeAsHell - 30/5/2013 08:51 - Australia - Werribee

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

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By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

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By nevaagain - 19/8/2016 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML

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By Gregory - 28/11/2008 10:28 - France

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2009 14:06 - Canada

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 10:00 - United States

Sounds healthy

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

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By ohmigodimchokin - 19/11/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

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By Not Wanted - 7/9/2014 01:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

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By littlelottie - 17/1/2012 17:04 - United States

Today, when I excitedly announced to my mother-in-law that I was pregnant, she looked at me with a blank expression and asked me who the father was. She's 45. She's not senile or suffering from dementia, but apparently just suffering from being a chronic bitch. FML

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By KillMeNow - 18/10/2011 16:08 - United Kingdom

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

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By Viridian - 12/5/2009 13:41 - United States

Today, I gave a big presentation at work. The manager decided to video tape it. I went through my presentation with ease and was confident I did a good job. My confidence was then lowered after watching the tape. Apparently, my boobs are much more interesting than what I had to say. FML

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By t-dawg - 9/5/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

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By void bowels() { cry(); } - 26/11/2014 20:45 - United Kingdom - Caerphilly

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2012 13:38 - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

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By baconandkittens - 26/2/2012 03:13 - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

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By bandfuckup - 13/3/2017 00:00

Today, my band was playing its first serious gig. I was in the middle of a solo when a drunk guy tackled me, causing me to crash into the drums, breaking them and my guitar, hitting our drummer, knocking him out. FML

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By Bortenssen - 8/8/2019 10:05 - Australia - Perth

It was either an expensive event, or learn to manage your money.

Today, I found out that the reason I couldn’t buy a commemorative jacket to wear at my rugby club's 50th anniversary was because the event had already happened. I paid in full for the event, and it cost me most of my savings. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

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By Squeak - 6/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Bragg

Poor Despereaux

Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML

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By random person - 13/11/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

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By you'vegotmail(not) - 18/4/2014 23:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

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By apparentlynotengaged - 4/7/2019 11:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my fiancé won't tell people we're engaged because his mother doesn't approve, and he doesn't want to upset her. FML

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By ohforchristssake - 21/9/2015 02:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy I recognized from one of my classes messaged me on a dating site. He wanted help with homework. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2012 20:30 - United States

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

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By Rawr - 30/12/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2014 00:14 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

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By DisappointedDaughter - 26/6/2019 16:03

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

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By LongDriveNoSleep - 24/5/2016 10:38 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

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By OhPleaseNo - 7/4/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

We could be heroes

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

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By say no to dick - 18/4/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

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By driven_crazy - 12/12/2014 19:52 - United States - Newark

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

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By MySonThePoet - 27/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Racine

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 04:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. While he was dumping me, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend. FML

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By Lackadaisical - 15/1/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

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By kicking with love - 6/3/2020 21:10

FIFA 2020

Today, I was standing next to the girl I like while she was looking at her phone. She dropped it and I tried to save it by catching it with my foot. I ended up kicking it across the room, cracking the screen. FML

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By Pang - 19/12/2018 16:00

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

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By Bob - 22/11/2011 18:06 - United States

Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML

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By no she wasn't high - 2/12/2013 02:50 - United States - Garland

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

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By justagirl - 2/12/2014 05:40 - United States - Roseville

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

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Top comments

By Fail_Pig | 0

#1078097 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:09

Stop trying to be nice to your mother until she appreciates this kind of shit. Then move out. The end.

By pebbles93 | 0

#1078091 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:08

yur moms a bitch

COMMENTS

By skullbashd | 3

#1078072 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:04

first ans suc for you

skullbashd | 3

#1078082 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:06

yay I was actually first sorry bout bad spelling I wanted first butnop yes indeed fyl

By inurockx | 0

#1078074 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:05

shows how much your mom cares

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1078116 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:13

shitty :(

Phantom324 | 0

#1078130 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:16

I'm going to reply tithe first comment so everyone sees this and calls me a douchebag!

cookookachoo | 0

#1078133 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:16

should have put Scatman on... then she would have sex with you

chili10 | 18

#1078147 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:19

that's exactly what I was thinking, your mom must be a bitch or you just happened to have chosen her absolute least favorite music.... even so I don't understand why she had to trow it out the window. fyl

luvpav | 0

#1078152 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:21

My moms done tht before with a cd by the Game. :(!!!!

ZoroFresh | 0

#1078160 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:22

I guess you learned that the Jonas bros suck today

chili10 | 18

#1078175 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:25

I'd throw a cd from the game out the window too if my child put it on while I was driving. One must respect the driver and their taste in music.

luvpav | 0

#1078181 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:27

My mom is too Indian. She doesn't understand The Game. :D !

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#1078194 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:28

Shoulda thrown her out after it

Ignorant beyotch

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1078219 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:37

If it was county music, then you absolutely deserve it.

oppsalot | 0

#1078222 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:40

punk rock princess?

azhein | 0

#1078231 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:42

but the music would still be on your computer and cd's aren't that expensive

j178 | 0

#1078261 - Sunday 11 July 2010 9:55

*country

Mack7273 | 0

#1078292 - Sunday 11 July 2010 10:10

wow, what a bitch

VaJJ23 | 0

#1078299 - Sunday 11 July 2010 10:11

well what did you expect after putting Justin bieber songs on there?

Mortanious | 0

#1078303 - Sunday 11 July 2010 10:13

I second your comment.

YourEvilHero | 12

#1078336 - Sunday 11 July 2010 10:33

I'm making a cd for my mom to. if she does this to mine I will slap her sideways

firstdbzmaker | 15

#1078698 - Sunday 11 July 2010 10:43

haha i made my mom a CD last week too, she didn't like the songs but she atleast kept it :)

ladyluck82 | 9

#1078974 - Sunday 11 July 2010 14:26

34 - I agree...How shelfish & ignorant of her! Although, sounds like something MY mom would do...I know...sad...

time4coffee | 3

#1078985 - Sunday 11 July 2010 14:59

Guess you didn't know which songs were actually "perfect" for her

Drakorex | 10

#1079010 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:21

:0 hahaha

ad_astra_taurus | 2

#1079159 - Sunday 11 July 2010 16:54

iicaptain, you have beautiful dogs. On a leeetle side note actually pertaining to the fml; my mom does not like me changing her music in the car >_< I like to sneak CDs in there before she gets in tho haha

BabyDacey | 0

#1079165 - Sunday 11 July 2010 16:58

if she is a bitch like tht don't do anything nice for her (:

Tantaran | 0

#1079294 - Sunday 11 July 2010 18:23

ahahahaha

Today I found out my daughter listens to horrible music. After i threw her awful mix cd out the car window, I got pulled over for litering. fml.