By nosexforthee - 23/01/2015 19:25 - United States - Katy
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#50 Thanks for misunderstanding me on purpose. I never said cheating was ok. And withholding sex as a punishment is not the same as "not enough sex". In a healthy relationship both partners supposedly want sex. Just the fact that she sees "no sex for you" as a punishment means they're in trouble.
48, I am one of many who agree with you here. It hasn't taken me long to realize how sexist this site is. All these posters will side with the woman and defend the women is most scenarios here. There have been FML's where a woman hits a guy, and they put YDI. Also the worst one was a YDI one where a guy got stabbed with a pen, but ''he deserved it'' becasue he broke up with her in a mall, valid excuse for assault? No, and I agree, using sex as a weapon is not healthy but of course you're gonna get down voted because of the sexism here.
It's not that she owes it to the man, obviously if there's trouble both parts will think twice before heading to bed. What's being discussed is the deliberate use of sex as a reward/punishment currency. It's very poisonous for a relationship, whether it comes from a man or a woman.
I'm not ignoring the behavior of the guys but it is simply being scrutinized for no reason. It can be so easily dealt with thru communication. In the heat of the moment, The mom should be hella mad, the son will definitely have one of those moments where he goes "oops sorry mom", the dad sees the humor in it but his wife will definitely see it too but not in front of her son which is what he will definitely say to his husband. It's called family situations. And that's how you deal with that one! *shout me an amen please*
"The behavior of the guy"... It's all down to the actual circumstances. The OP writes it like her son hurt her on purpose. They were playing a game, there is a fair chance it was accidental and it's pretty obvious she is not badly injured. The kid was very cheeky, but all her husband did was laugh. Some bad behavior this is.
#119 See that's the thing - a comment like this I would never take as a personal attack. It's clearly not intended as such. If it was my son and he'd just straight out looked at me bleeding and told me in far less disrespectful terms that it wasn't a big deal I would actually be upset and have a serious talk with him. But I believe he saw an opportunity to make a hilarious double-entendre and he voiced it for no other reason than comedic value. I know better than to punish him for it and in doing so ironically prove his point. I am consistent with this approach: if it's not meant to cause offense to me, then none shall be taken. To each their own on this, but my life experiences have led me to place far, far greater importance on intentions, beliefs and inner attitudes than I would on light-hearted comments clearly not personally directed at me. On the other hand, I can't stand nice words if they aren't truly meant. I'd rather have a son who makes 'disrespectful' jokes at my expense he doesn't really mean and I don't really take seriously, but who otherwise co-operates with my rules, abides by my values and means well than a son who is superficially polite in order to avoid punishment but otherwise keeps secrets and rejects my ideals and opinions. I believe that's fair.
#154 You misunderstand me: I never said anything about not teaching your children manners. It goes without saying that you can't be impolite with someone you aren't close to or hell, someone you just met. But anyway, the important thing is I share your opinions that children shouldn't disrespect their parents. We just have different ideas on what disrespect really means. I view it as more of an attitude than a behaviour (hence why best friends can make harmless jabs at each other with no repercussions). Even if you disagree with me on everything else, you have to agree with the fact that how politely someone speaks does not necessarily indicate an internal high regard for the person. In the same way, how crudely someone jokes does not necessarily indicate disrespect. It might just indicate a higher degree of comfort and closeness in the relationship. I have witnessed and been in all sorts of family/friend relationships and I have noticed the closer people are/the more they understand one another, the more freely they make what would seem like insulting jokes to one another from an outsider's perspective. And the fact that no offense is meant or taken is actually more often an indication of a positive, supportive relationship rather than a negative one. Parental relationships included - and of course they are, there's no logical reason why they shouldn't be. That being said, it's one of those things that just seems bizarre and counter-intuitive from a third person POV. Unless you've experienced it yourself you can't really understand it.
I totally agree with you. My mother and I have an amazing relationship and I respect her as my mother and I follow her rules and I love her but we both make jokes at eachother and even get into name calling matches. Which yes might seem a little immature but we have fun doing it and it brings us closer.
Why is everyone defending the kid and husband by saying, "Oh, he was joking"? Who gives a shit if he was joking, the kid was still disrespectful and the context of the joke was sexist and offensive. If I was the mom I would have broke my foot off in both their asses.
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Oh my gosh what a dick. Guys will never understand...I don't want to start the "who has it worse" battle, cause being human in general is kinda sucky, it just pisses me off that some guys can be so judgmental.
Well she's right, some guys are judgmental about menstruation. The reason she only said guys is because little to no women judge each other about periods because it is something we all experience. However, some guys are lovely and understanding, she is not meaning to generalise you all, there are only a few bad eggs who just don't get it. This being said, there are some women who are judgmental about issues that men face too.
Actually, 106, Some women don't experience PMS, one such being my girlfriend. She complains about girls she knows are on their periods "using it as an excuse to be a bitch." So while some women actually can't help it, some overreact. It's a generalization to say every girl has it rough when that's simply just not the case.
But if guys had periods they would constantly be complaining through the week...
Does nobody remember that it's her kid? Ya, he's overly competitive and a little rough on the court. But good parenting is explaining how self control is necessary even in a competitive environment. Not yelling at him for "being an idiot." Calling your kid names and acting like a child yourself only creates resentment and diminishes respect. I've lost respect for my parents for similar reasons. I find it funny when they say I need to show them respect because they're so insecure. If you want your kids respect, you have to earn it, not demand it. OP sounds like the type of parent who lost it, just by calling her son an idiot for a competitive tendency.
Then u should have replied ooh a grounded boy going to his room what a shocker
Kids these days don't respect anything or anybody it seems, I'm just barely an adult myself but I was taught to respect my parents...
If my kid ever talked to me like that he wouldn't think twice about calling a woman a bitch again. That's just disrespectful.
#10 Depends on the way he said it. If he was just being a complete brat and didn't give a shit at all about her then yeah, I'd ground him. But if if it was my son and he was just joking and otherwise immediately went to care for the injury he caused, I'd probably start laughing too. I can take a joke and I know not to take myself too seriously. The strict authoritarian parenting style my mum had throughout my childhood almost destroyed our relationship in later life. Meanwhile, I have a good relationship with my dad - I take the piss out of him all the time, and yet I have a mountain of respect for him; I look up to him and take his advice on things and having his approval is really important to me. You know, the kind of parent who really makes you feel terrible if you've done something wrong cuz you let them down, not because they rant and rave at you and dish out punitive measures. So taking a page from his book, I plan on having a more laid-back relationship with my future kids. I want to be close and comfortable enough with them that we can get away with making jokes like these - same way I would with my husband or close friends. So long as there is mutual trust and understanding I can take a few disrespectful remarks if made in jest.
#140 as I said, I place far more value on intent and inner beliefs than on jokes people don't mean. Someone can act respectful but deep down not give a shit about what the other person thinks or wants; likewise, someone can make snarky jokes with no intention of offense and actually care deeply about the other person's wishes. So long as there is a mutual understanding of no harm meant/done, there is nothing necessarily wrong with the latter. There is, however, something very wrong with the former. I have experienced both kinds of relationships with both my parents; funny how both me and my little brother ended up rebellious and defiant towards our mother but would never dream of upsetting our father. He was reasonable and firm with other rules but when it came to communication he allowed us equal freedom of speech, you might say. He always explained his decisions and if we disagreed with anything, he'd hear us out. He never instilled any sort of communication barrier, never once punished us for 'talking back'; as a result I value his opinions, heed his advice and seek his approval to this day. And indeed, we're super close/comfortable with each other, to the point where we can make terrible jokes about each other like old friends. If that's not a positive parental relationship, I don't know what is. But I'm happy to agree to disagree. I guess it's just one of those things where you have to have experienced it to understand it.