Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says, "You're a bitch." He's 6. After I asked him where he heard that word, he responded with, "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
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Top comments
davincidasecond 24
Grounded. For. Life.
604 11
Sounds like two guys in the house need to be grounded.
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Comments (166)
FML1000timesover 7
I'm sorry for laughing but that was ******* funny.
momac86 17
That's the last day either of them should have a full set of teeth
DomoCarter 8
Aw, sounds like another man trying too hard to feel superior by cracking a bad joke aha ^_^
Thorvald22 17
Both of you need to chill tfo
thefishmongerman 14
I'm not even going to lie, that is pretty damn funny! Mind you, I still wouldn't say it to somebody
melpower 23
In my family if any one of us says that to out parents we'd be disowned. No shit. But seriously though, how can he be so rude and disrespectful to his own mother? The dad shouldn't enable him to do so either :/ Hope your cut isn't so bad OP. And teach that kid some manners.
Purple_Robin424 0
Sexism at its finest. Jesus people, it isn't like we can help the fact we bleed for five days straight, yet you talk about it as if it's a ******* crime or some shit!
Kalipczo 21
@105 well some women take advantage of the hormone fluctuation and use it as an excuse to be a complete bitch to anyone and everyone. a woman may not be able to "help" the fact that she's menstruating, but she is always completely on control of her actions.
nitrog100 21
Actually, he (I'm assuming this is a he) is correct. PMS is a largely cultural phenomenon. In cultures where that isn't a thing, none surveyed reported many common PMS symptoms.
nemcali 34
Showing what it means being a bitch a beat the shit out of him. Seriously he needs some discipline. Your husband should sleep outside until he makes it up to you and disciplines your son. Not only he disrespected you but he also hurt you
Erebus_Terror 12
Well, you're bitching about it, sooo...
crandel 11
Well, it's obvious which parent your son gets his sense of humor from... because you don't have one.