Market crash - FML

Market crash

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 20:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my son took some of my underwear to school. What's worse is he sold it to his classmate for $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 139

Fill her up

Not the golden child

Wrong place, wrong time

By Pokemon problems - 23/10/2012 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I babysat a 10-year-old and we played Pokémon. It was my first time playing, so he showed me. I ended up winning and the kid started crying and told his parents he hated me. They decided not to pay me for the night, and now I'm out of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 366

You deserved it 4 808

By itsEVERYWHERE - 08/03/2010 05:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 031

You deserved it 2 625

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 347

You deserved it 3 296

By FMlovelife - 28/06/2012 15:28 - United States

Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 683

You deserved it 2 948

By ImilkedYourMom - 03/05/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 308

You deserved it 2 061

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 692

You deserved it 35 021

By Childhood - 12/12/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 319

You deserved it 2 744

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 771

You deserved it 26 253

By the_dog_sitter - 13/03/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 533

You deserved it 24 520

By Beestings - 24/03/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 391

You deserved it 6 514

By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 01:10 - United States - Dayton

Spicy

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 577

You deserved it 6 040

By DQB - 24/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 094

You deserved it 61 808

And I oop

By easygoing765 - 06/06/2021 11:01

Today, I found out the girl I hit on at the store I work at is my second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 216

By NeverEndingBathtime_ - 03/08/2017 20:00

Today, my 2 year old is being potty trained. He got the gist of it and actually did #1 and #2 in the potty and after our little celebratory dance, I went to get him a cookie (it took me 2 seconds). I come back to see him covered in shit and pee because he tried to go empty the potty himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 1 043

By sourcandy013 - 21/11/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my 11 year-old sister unfriended me on Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 591

You deserved it 5 577

By Alex - 09/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Richardson

Today, I am home sick with a sinus infection. I had to break up a fight between my two dogs over who got to chew on my snotty tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 484

You deserved it 520

By insomniac - 19/06/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 245

You deserved it 4 724

By conductingfromthegrave - 01/07/2009 05:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 248

You deserved it 4 547

By justno - 03/08/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 10 years blocked me for no reason. When I went to her house to ask why she did it and apologize for whatever it was, she told me to kill myself and slammed the door. I still don't know what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 092

You deserved it 2 116

By Anonymous - 21/02/2011 03:28 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 286

You deserved it 4 983

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 19:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 383

You deserved it 8 341

By Ihatemylife - 03/03/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 756

You deserved it 6 343

By Binks - 23/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Bonneau

Today, my dad took away my Xbox because "You never do anything active." I had just run a 5K. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 229

By noname - 22/09/2010 05:37 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 13 766

By machina - 16/07/2019 04:01

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 120

By Jacqueline - 01/07/2012 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 160

You deserved it 4 767

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 814

You deserved it 29 469

By sandi519 - 13/03/2012 03:10 - United States

Today, I was working retail when a group of older gentlemen came in looking for a good sound system. I showed them a top-range system and gushed about it in detail, trying to close the sale. One of them snorted and said, "See Dave, girls like her are the reason ball gags were invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 548

You deserved it 4 055

By ThatNewCarSmell - 01/10/2014 16:53 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 858

You deserved it 45 516

By xXRowynXx - 05/09/2010 19:20 - Canada

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 606

You deserved it 32 426

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 13:30

Today, I woke up to the fire department at my house. Why? My brother called 911 thinking there was a fire after turning the heat on for the first time all winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 132

By Divorcee - 15/07/2019 04:02

Today, I learned that my wife had been cheating on me. What's worse? My kids found out three months before I did, and told me that they like him better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 236

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 394

You deserved it 4 539

By broke - 02/12/2017 15:00

Today, my work informed me that they didn't process my pay in time, so I won't get paid until the end of next month. I have less than £10 to last me until then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 291

By mustache girl - 27/05/2013 23:10 - Canada - Magog

Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 046

You deserved it 6 039

By Anonymous - 10/09/2017 00:00 - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 967

You deserved it 388

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 08:02

Today, my 45 year-old sister blamed my parents yet again for losing one tooth after the other because they did not tell her to brush her teeth before going to bed. It's general knowledge, honey. And somehow, I still have all my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 1 603

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 03/09/2017 20:00

Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced my false tooth. With a team of flashlights and hurt pride, my expensive tooth was found. In dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 374

You deserved it 460

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 20:36

Tell 'im not to sell for under $20....

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 22:17

Clean or not clean. That is the question....

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 20:36

Tell 'im not to sell for under $20....

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 22:17

Clean or not clean. That is the question....

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 23:23

Demand that he cut you in on the action.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 September 2019 23:27

I guess it depends on what you pay for underwear. If the purchase price of underwear plus your time to make them nice and smelly is around $8, he's earning a nice 25% margin.

Mungolikecandy 19

Wednesday 18 September 2019 7:34

How old is your son? On the bright side he is starting a business.

thisisbutaname 38

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 September 2019 8:51

He gotta pump those numbers up, those are rookie numbers

1gullible_bugger 33

Send a private message

Thursday 19 September 2019 2:37

Business savvy fellow.. 😂

Send a private message

Thursday 19 September 2019 9:02

A young entrepreneur. You should be proud.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 114

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 785