Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says, "You're a bitch." He's 6. After I asked him where he heard that word, he responded with, "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
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Top comments
davincidasecond 24
Grounded. For. Life.
604 11
Sounds like two guys in the house need to be grounded.
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Comments (166)
liloldme76 14
That is no way to treat your mother! You know how a boy treats his mother is an indicator on how he'll treat his significant other.
NOTaDISTRACTION 17
Even though it's terrible and he deserves any punishment he gets I must admit that that's pretty funny and quite clever.
engineerosaurus 26
How exactly is calling your mother a bitch... clever?! More like moronic. My mom would've beat the living shit out of me if I said something that stupid.
NostalgiaFreak9 41
Sounds like your son needs a beating.
_heavenlysasa 16
Sounds like you need to whoop his ass and ground him
zman92 13
A child will go missing for a few weeks, if I did that when I was a kid.
kirbs19 37
I'd smack that smart mouth so fast he wouldn't know what hit him
blargblah 12
You know there are times when kicking a child's ass is perfectly acceptable. A kid that old who hurts his mother and speaks to her in that way deserves a ******* fist in the mouth.
KhaleesiDannie 26
I wanna follow up on the hopefully ass beaten grounded and electricity deprived child...Seriously though I can feel how dead I would be if I said that even now that I'm an adult
CaliCassanova 14
Parenting win
tdawg91 17
The first time I called my mum a bitch, I had a hand print across my face for a week! That was also the last time I called my mum a bitch. Maybe show your husband and son what a bitch you can be