Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says, "You're a bitch." He's 6. After I asked him where he heard that word, he responded with, "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
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Top comments
davincidasecond 24
Grounded. For. Life.
604 11
Sounds like two guys in the house need to be grounded.
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Comments (166)
RubyRed829 12
Fastest way to get an ass kicking.
henrylikestreats 22
Well your son is charming.
nitrog100 21
Sorry, but that was hilarious. Obviously, it's inappropriate coming from your son, but it's still a perfect, 4th-degree burn.
SMHsohard 22
Were you born this stupid or did you have to work at it?
nitrog100 21
Is insulting me a sign of intelligence? How am I being stupid? The son referenced a commonly accepted cultural phenomenon and superimposed it on the current situation in a humorous manner. I acknowledged that the source was inappropriate, but in this case, it doesn't diminish the statement's comedic value. You're just a douche.
gintwinsmoore 20
right on, #31.
lwilson78 1
I would beat his ass... My sons almost 19 and would never talk to me or another female like that... Your husbands no better for laughing... I would of flipped out... He wants to call you a bitch I would of showed him how much of a bitch you can be...
bab3ruthl3ss 16
Yeaaah, you need to nip that shit in the bud. Can't believe your husband was laughing at it & encouraging him. Yikes:
Cath_Astald 9
huh that's a bad situation OP. Somewhere something went wrong. And maybe it helps to know it's not just your fault, your hubby obviously doesn't see how serious this is and he's not helping or backing you up when he's supposed to be, so I think you two should have a really long talk about your son. One thing I've learned is that regarding discipline parents must always act as one, no double standards, no excuses. Just talk to your husband. If he doesn't understand, it's time for family counseling. I wish you good luck!
Rocket___Candy 24
Wow 15 years old and he has the nerve to say something like that to his mom??? That's when you know someone isn't gonna be goin anywhere but school anytime soon
sabbyheartswhat 23
Welcome to the Stone Age, no electricity, no devices, no way out of the house. If I'd talked to my mom like that ever or even at 15, I probably wouldn't have teeth right now, or be able to sit down again.
momac86 17
Shoot my kid would have even LESS than what Stone Age people had... They'd be lucky to get to sleep indoors with even a sleeping bag
olpally 32
Uh, yeah smack him in the face. And make your husband sleep outside. Dicks.
engineerosaurus 26
At this point I'd be tempted to smack them both in the face if I were OP.
kpohil 13
tri for raising him that way.