Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says, "You're a bitch." He's 6. After I asked him where he heard that word, he responded with, "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, my 6 year-old son and his cousin were play boxing. For fun, I taught them some real moves. I guess my son is a natural but my nephew got hit so hard he fell over and broke his arm. Now I have to explain this to my wife and her sister. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
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Top comments
davincidasecond 24
Grounded. For. Life.
604 11
Sounds like two guys in the house need to be grounded.
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Comments (166)
BaDumTsss_fml 23
That little ******
marcelmg 10
Ground him for a period!
rmllavaneras 19
I would've slapped him so hard he'd go back in time and punch himself before saying that.
Tannasgh 22
The fact your children get away with swearing at that age speaks volumes.
ToxicMoo33 18
Damn. I'd send them both away for awhile. Take everything from that stupid, awful child. They deserve nothing.
moomimamoo 24
Never forget, you have the power to ground him until Christmas!
merryhappy1887 20
Oh lawd. I would smack the teeth down the back of his throat. Omfg I would seriously beat the shit out of them both.
GunSlinger69 19
You guys are way too serious. What happened to the good old FML posters that would laugh at this? Also I see comments like ''Beat the shit out of them'' and ''ground them both'' wtf is wrong with you guys?
Ziggy122 15
Your son is a douchebag. He deserves a good punch in the face. It's not child abuse if they deserve it.
GunSlinger69 19
Okay, my son recently walked in on me and my wife f*cking. I am angry at him for walking in so I beat the sh*t out of him until he cried and had bruises and blood everywhere. Then I beat him up again for making a mess with blood. He deserved it, though, right?
RebeccaRFT 18
He probably said those things out of anger, just like you screamed at him and called him an idiot out of anger.
RMP15 8
Your son needs to learn to not put his hands on a woman like that, scratch that, put his hands on ANYONE like that, unless it's for self defense, REALLY for self defense or defense of another person.