Intimacy

By shit.... - 08/11/2012 18:25 - Malaysia - Kuala Selangor

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 648

You deserved it 31 378

By sadness1992 - 06/11/2012 18:07 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 156

You deserved it 4 251

By coolguy - 06/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Chesapeake

Spicy

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 828

You deserved it 46 932

By Ugggggggggg - 06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 613

You deserved it 4 866

By HappinessOrOrgasms - 05/11/2012 19:25 - United States - Tucson

Spicy

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 338

You deserved it 4 307

Spice up your love life

By screwed - 04/11/2012 09:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 minutes away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 5 488

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 108

You deserved it 4 268

By hiccups - 03/11/2012 15:52 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 096

You deserved it 3 704

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 610

You deserved it 3 491

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 01:23 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 086

You deserved it 6 101

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 783

You deserved it 8 445

Oops

By Hornymuch - 02/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 125

You deserved it 28 951

By okay._. - 01/11/2012 07:54 - United States - Marysville

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 537

You deserved it 7 422

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name isn't Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 782

You deserved it 79 233

By SadExperiment - 30/10/2012 00:42 - United States - Claremont

Spicy

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 757

You deserved it 3 346

Unfortunate

By Anonymous - 30/10/2012 00:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 191

You deserved it 5 531

Time waster

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 497

You deserved it 6 706

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 7 083

By whoreticulturalist - 27/10/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 663

You deserved it 15 563

The one that got away

By Cslouth - 27/10/2012 04:04 - United States - Rochester

Spicy

Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 884

You deserved it 63 937

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 476

You deserved it 3 067

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 742

You deserved it 18 593

By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 569

You deserved it 11 545

By TypeOhNegative - 23/10/2012 03:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 919

You deserved it 8 368

TypeOhNegative tells us more.

TypeOhNegative 2

Sunday 4 November 2012 19:58

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI. To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 258

You deserved it 39 802

By Anonymous - 20/10/2012 04:03 - United States - Ypsilanti

Spicy

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 735

You deserved it 12 651

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Spicy

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 31 843

By L - 16/10/2012 22:59 - Norway - Trondheim

Spicy

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 646

You deserved it 6 913

Roleplay

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 12:36 - United States - Battle Creek

Spicy

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 121

You deserved it 20 596

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 05:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 832

You deserved it 67 218

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 658

You deserved it 5 763

It's duck cold!

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 63

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 816

You deserved it 9 195

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 997

You deserved it 2 380

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 642

You deserved it 6 056

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!" He then started singing the Super Mario Brothers theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 870

You deserved it 5 888