By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks 47 393
You deserved it 13 908

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...


TwiztedYuri 9

well she probly does his laundry... and sweat doesn't make socks stick to other clothing. so unless he pours glue into them its a bit obvious. 2+2= nasty socks

Its not that hard to do your own laundry. I know you might be tempted to cum up with some excuses, but doing it yourself might save you the embarrassment, and you'll be lending your mother a helping hand.

i think granny ratted out on him after she caught him watching ****.

GoodLookingGeese 10

I don't think the visual of her prehistoric **** stopped him from jerkin the gerkin xD

Well if he lives at home he probably doesn't get the chance to do his own laundry. Although that doesn't apply to everyone. Moral of the story, use something that won't get you caught, or buy a lot of cheap socks do you can throw them out. Also changing your daily routine may help.

What do socks have to do with it? The FML didn't mention anything about any sort of foot fetish..

I think they were just adding a joke about the " catchers mitt"

Guys sometimes jack off in tube socks. Ya know, to save tissues

Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...

I agree. It's time to make a deposit to the spank bank in another location.

Yeah and OP needs to turn the volume down

it makes a lot more sense to do it after - you could just be 'getting dressed' ;)

It would make more sense to do it during the shower, because he can clean himself off right there in the shower

You mean its time to use his left hand? ;)

In the shower is best, lotion and instant clean up.

He's got a good routine though. Dirty yourself up then take a shower to clean up after. Props to him for thinking about cleanliness.

Totally agree to being clean, but why not in the shower...or the bathroom before the shower. Idk. There is some sympathy.

Shrouds 14

well at least they don't mind. enjoy yourself.

You mean "right on the money shot", right? It might be hard to come to terms with the embarrassment right now, OP, but you'll pull through.

coolboy675 16

She was on yo dolla fitty? Oh man...

Naw man she be hatin' B.C. She be on that fiddy shawty playas don't be likin dat shit foo naw mean YOLO ?.............It's called English buddy. I was born and raised in the hood, a very, very rough hood. Even then I don't know anyone who talks like that.

jem970 19

Oh my God.... what did he even say? O_o

Come to my hood. Idiots, idiots everywhere #southbronxrepresent

Only people who want to seem gangster talk like that. But in reality they only sound like illiterate hood-rats.

Totally heard the flavor flav voice as I read that, and now a few hundred of my brain cells have imploded. Only a couple thousand more and ill be able to talk like that.

Just because people are from the hood they're idiots? I'm from the hood, going for my Bachelors and my Masters right now, but then you say South Bronx represent? How are you going to diss your hood, then represent the hood? So that's like if I said, "The only people who eat at Wendy's are dumb people. I love me some Wendy's.

How about after the shower? Just say you're getting dressed lmfao

U_GotitDude 18

He does it before so he can wash himself off in the shower

CharresBarkrey 15
alphaskater09 9

I like to do it before, during and after my shower. I need help :(

The_Big_Boss 20

I never ********** when another person is in the house. I even walk around to check for people/cameras..

Even better you have cameras in your house?

The_Big_Boss 20

I don't put cameras in my house, and I'm damn near 100% sure there are none.. But can you really be sure? You never know some weirdo might have broken in and hid one or something!

Man where the hell do you live? If somebody breaks in they usually take stuff, not leave stuff.

^Don't lie, you live in an Orwellian society. They know the pet names you give yourself when you're at it!!

Big Brother is hiding behind that painting on the wall...

Well if he is from Canada, I bet Drake does before he masturbates too.

I thought in another FML you said you lived on a distant planet ?? Peo.

I was giving the answer to someone else's location, not mine.

I thought I was the only one who is that paranoid.

You should probably get some help with that paranoia buddy.

There are many people in 10 mile radius from your house. And they are ALL trying to watch you.

There is no reason to be that paranoid. people ********** and if your parents put cameras all over the house they deserve having things they weren't meant to see burned into their brains. Don't do anything you are ashamed of and don't be ashamed of the things you do and you will never feel any shame.

Seriously. These people should lay off the ganja

Gotta wash off that semen some how. Tell her you don't want to mess up any socks.

What ever happened to using 50 grit sandpaper?

Not as bad as my dads girlfriends son. He's 12 and just learned about the fun of being a man. He now takes hour long showers because it's "relaxing."

It drives my dad nuts when he wants to take a shower and his girlfriend is clueless about what's going on.

RpiesSPIES 27

So you're telling me you've never completely phased out standing in the shower? An hour is pushing it, though... Or should I say tugging it.

Or both pushing and tugging. But my short attention span doesn't allow me more than half an hour.

mangoboy1 19

I just realized my sister takes hour long showers or maybe that's just because she's a girl

Depends. do you have a nice shower head?