Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
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By
darlinjai
| 18
Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...
By
ThatPlankton
| 15
Did she figure that out by your socks?
COMMENTS
By
ThatPlankton
| 15
Did she figure that out by your socks?
Reply
TwiztedYuri
| 9
well she probly does his laundry... and sweat doesn't make socks stick to other clothing. so unless he pours glue into them its a bit obvious. 2+2= nasty socks
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sarah6786
| 14
Its not that hard to do your own laundry. I know you might be tempted to cum up with some excuses, but doing it yourself might save you the embarrassment, and you'll be lending your mother a helping hand.
Reply
raesos91
| 26
i think granny ratted out on him after she caught him watching porn.
Reply
GoodLookingGeese
| 10
Neeh.. She liked the tits.
Reply
raesos91
| 26
I don't think the visual of her prehistoric tits stopped him from jerkin the gerkin xD
Reply
sig4life
| 18
Well if he lives at home he probably doesn't get the chance to do his own laundry. Although that doesn't apply to everyone.
Moral of the story, use something that won't get you caught, or buy a lot of cheap socks do you can throw them out. Also changing your daily routine may help.
Moral of the story, use something that won't get you caught, or buy a lot of cheap socks do you can throw them out. Also changing your daily routine may help.
Reply
FlyingPie
| 17
What do socks have to do with it? The FML didn't mention anything about any sort of foot fetish..
Reply
vark10
| 7
I think they were just adding a joke about the " catchers mitt"
Reply
lil_ham1644
| 29
Guys sometimes jack off in tube socks. Ya know, to save tissues
By
darlinjai
| 18
Maybe you need to switch things up a bit...
Reply
Tempest151
| 11
I agree. It's time to make a deposit to the spank bank in another location.
Reply
Jovecove
| 13
Yeah and OP needs to turn the volume down
Reply
K92
| 13
Hahahahahaha spank bank.
Reply
NeatNit
| 32
it makes a lot more sense to do it after - you could just be 'getting dressed' ;)
Reply
ShyAnn29
| 14
It would make more sense to do it during the shower, because he can clean himself off right there in the shower
Reply
mitchiemoto
| 7
You mean its time to use his left hand? ;)
Reply
sig4life
| 18
In the shower is best, lotion and instant clean up.
Reply
BlakesHonestLie
| 8
He's got a good routine though. Dirty yourself up then take a shower to clean up after. Props to him for thinking about cleanliness.
Reply
darlinjai
| 18
Totally agree to being clean, but why not in the shower...or the bathroom before the shower. Idk. There is some sympathy.
By
Shrouds
| 14
well at least they don't mind. enjoy yourself.
By
Pleonasm
| 34
You mean "right on the money shot", right?
It might be hard to come to terms with the embarrassment right now, OP, but you'll pull through.
It might be hard to come to terms with the embarrassment right now, OP, but you'll pull through.
By
coolboy675
| 16
She was on yo dolla fitty? Oh man...
Reply
Kingbreezy04
| 10
Naw man she be hatin' B.C. She be on that fiddy shawty playas don't be likin dat shit foo naw mean YOLO ?.............It's called English buddy. I was born and raised in the hood, a very, very rough hood. Even then I don't know anyone who talks like that.
Reply
jem970
| 19
Oh my God.... what did he even say? O_o
Reply
mooniez
| 7
Come to my hood. Idiots, idiots everywhere #southbronxrepresent
Reply
PinkKawaiiChic
| 10
Only people who want to seem gangster talk like that. But in reality they only sound like illiterate hood-rats.
Reply
vark10
| 7
Totally heard the flavor flav voice as I read that, and now a few hundred of my brain cells have imploded. Only a couple thousand more and ill be able to talk like that.
Reply
Kingbreezy04
| 10
Just because people are from the hood they're idiots? I'm from the hood, going for my Bachelors and my Masters right now, but then you say South Bronx represent? How are you going to diss your hood, then represent the hood? So that's like if I said, "The only people who eat at Wendy's are dumb people. I love me some Wendy's.
By
Jdgaf
| 3
How about after the shower? Just say you're getting dressed lmfao
Reply
U_GotitDude
| 18
He does it before so he can wash himself off in the shower
Reply
AssTard
| 15
45- How are you aware of this?
Reply
CharresBarkrey
| 15
59 - It's common sense.
Reply
AssTard
| 15
67- It was a joke...
Reply
alphaskater09
| 9
I like to do it before, during and after my shower.
I need help :(
I need help :(
Reply
AH1Zviper
| 15
Not a very good one.
By
The_Big_Boss
| 20
I never masturbate when another person is in the house. I even walk around to check for people/cameras..
Reply
Charmillionaire
| 10
Have you been caught by cameras before?
Reply
Kingbreezy04
| 10
Even better you have cameras in your house?
Reply
The_Big_Boss
| 20
I don't put cameras in my house, and I'm damn near 100% sure there are none.. But can you really be sure? You never know some weirdo might have broken in and hid one or something!
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Kingbreezy04
| 10
Man where the hell do you live? If somebody breaks in they usually take stuff, not leave stuff.
Reply
Pleonasm
| 34
Canada.
Reply
PenguinBitch
| 43
^Don't lie, you live in an Orwellian society. They know the pet names you give yourself when you're at it!!
Reply
PenguinBitch
| 43
@ 18.
Reply
gracehi
| 31
Big Brother is hiding behind that painting on the wall...
Reply
Kingbreezy04
| 10
Well if he is from Canada, I bet Drake does before he masturbates too.
Reply
jarrettd
| 27
I thought in another FML you said you lived on a distant planet ?? Peo.
Reply
Pleonasm
| 34
I was giving the answer to someone else's location, not mine.
Reply
Anumayis
| 34
I thought I was the only one who is that paranoid.
Reply
Kingbreezy04
| 10
There's two of you now.
Reply
CyborgBanana
| 12
You should probably get some help with that paranoia buddy.
Reply
EvilUndead
| 9
There are many people in 10 mile radius from your house. And they are ALL trying to watch you.
Reply
poccocurantes
| 7
There is no reason to be that paranoid. people masturbate and if your parents put cameras all over the house they deserve having things they weren't meant to see burned into their brains. Don't do anything you are ashamed of and don't be ashamed of the things you do and you will never feel any shame.
Reply
NakedPixels
| 15
Seriously. These people should lay off the ganja
By
Kingbreezy04
| 10
Gotta wash off that semen some how. Tell her you don't want to mess up any socks.
Reply
j_cat187
| 19
What ever happened to using 50 grit sandpaper?
By
shorty6823
| 28
Not as bad as my dads girlfriends son. He's 12 and just learned about the fun of being a man. He now takes hour long showers because it's "relaxing."
Reply
mb2_native
| 15
The joys of new found fun eh?
Reply
shorty6823
| 28
It drives my dad nuts when he wants to take a shower and his girlfriend is clueless about what's going on.
Reply
RpiesSPIES
| 27
So you're telling me you've never completely phased out standing in the shower? An hour is pushing it, though... Or should I say tugging it.
Reply
shorty6823
| 28
Or both pushing and tugging. But my short attention span doesn't allow me more than half an hour.
Reply
mangoboy1
| 19
I just realized my sister takes hour long showers or maybe that's just because she's a girl
Reply
shorty6823
| 28
Depends. do you have a nice shower head?
By
Anumayis
| 34
She knows..
Reply
kevsandy303
| 12
Your spelling skills are remarkable, Webster