Intimacy

By Extravirgin - 16/12/2014 12:01 - Germany - Munich

Spicy

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 758

You deserved it 8 305

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 197

By doodlecrzyMeg - 04/02/2016 18:56 - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 682

You deserved it 4 279

By Lizzy - 11/11/2016 03:01

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 024

You deserved it 2 734

Scarred for life

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 206

You deserved it 5 871

By ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward - 06/12/2011 15:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the word 'randy' means 'horny' in England. I'm going to England next semester to study abroad. My name is Randy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 612

You deserved it 5 300

By lalala - 22/12/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 079

You deserved it 8 015

It's not what you think

By Kathrynn - 07/03/2009 00:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I am, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 843

You deserved it 5 343

By Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 8 503

By kalleylynn - 08/06/2013 06:38 - United States - Steward

Spicy

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 217

You deserved it 5 157

kalleylynn tells us more.

kalleylynn 11

Sunday 9 June 2013 4:36

Hey in totally glad they can still do that shit.. Just not while they are staying at my house, in my parents bed...

By RDMdragoon - 13/07/2009 11:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, while deleting my ex-fiancée's account off my computer, I saved her pics. I found one of her with her now boyfriend in our bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 182

You deserved it 4 558

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 669

You deserved it 5 011

Power in Christ

By Sinnersinner - 21/09/2014 11:27 - United States - Ontario

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 076

You deserved it 7 628

It'll be a Vlog next

By elliebellie - 21/03/2021 00:28 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my husband forgot to log out of his laptop. Out of curiosity, I checked what was on the screen. It turns out he has his own blog where he shares all the intimate details about our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 226

Movie night

By uncomfortable - 12/03/2009 00:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 434

You deserved it 5 617

By chacha - 28/11/2009 18:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 591

You deserved it 5 546

Lewd

By Public Indecency - 28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 525

By Heather - 26/06/2012 17:13 - United States - Newport News

Spicy

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 539

You deserved it 12 755

Batman ruins another relationship

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 240

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Spicy

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 143

Dick appointment

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Spicy

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 302

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 256

You deserved it 4 293

By penisgrabber - 15/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 510

You deserved it 7 089

By OvertonHippie - 13/01/2014 12:09 - United States - Corinth

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 065

You deserved it 5 367

OvertonHippie tells us more.

OvertonHippie 16

Monday 13 January 2014 21:25

What she doesn't realize is that in a school with only 180 students, it's impossible to get away with stuff like that. The principal knows what's up, because we dealt with similar issues last year; I just didn't think I was going to have to schedule meetings with the teachers again about it (outside of the regular parent-teacher conferences, which she attends). I *had* kind of noticed the teachers giving me the stink-eye in the car line lately though.

The passenger

By benander - 15/09/2009 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 064

You deserved it 4 116

Pervs!

By Ew you freaks - 26/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking my daughter to the hotel pool, and she was excited so she ran ahead to the door to the stairs, I heard her scream so I went running. When I opened the door, a man was getting a blowjob from another man, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER! FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 96

By Inkabadger - 20/11/2009 18:41 - Canada

Spicy

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 162

You deserved it 4 106

By not anymore - 30/10/2015 23:29 - United States - Monroe

Spicy

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 553

You deserved it 4 864

Riverdale

By TRAMATIZED - 08/09/2009 22:08 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 293

You deserved it 7 664

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 890

You deserved it 3 877

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Confused Money Sex Depression Health Anxiety Mental health Clothes Work Kids Parenting Alcohol Poopoo peepee Ironic Birthday Weddings Miscellaneous Cars Embarrassing Awkward Transportation Family Vacation Bodyshaming Divorce NSFW Students School Technology

The Top

The Top

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 320

You deserved it 3 709

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 83 528

Today, the dean of the university I go to delivered a DoorDash order to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 144

Today, at the vending machine at work, I selected a regular soda but a diet soda came out. It turns out the soda I did select was stuck behind the bottle of diet soda. Is the universe trying to tell me something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 250

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 164

You deserved it 2 483

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play D&D. Some old acquaintances wanted to join, saying they'd pay for food. When I picked them up to drive them to the game, they claimed they were screwed on their paychecks, couldn't afford food or gas. However, they could afford Mountain Dew and candy bars for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 139