By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 07:46 - United States - Denton

Spicy
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 364
You deserved it 3 380

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That testicle-ated dickly...

If you find him, tell him to whack off the premises...

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If you find him, tell him to whack off the premises...

The whole premises? He could get tennis elbow from doing that!

They also have treatments for that, so he's good to go.

That testicle-ated dickly...

It ejaculated quite quickly if you ask me!

Cum now gentleman, lets Jizz quit while we're ahead and beat it, especially you pleonasm. I don't want to come off as a jerk, but don't push the argument with me as I am a master(de)bater. Now if you do have a sperm moment, I semen coming in the distance and could use some backup incase things get whacky. Yeah I know I was clutching for straws at the end there :P.

That was horrid. Let Pleonasm have that job..

Thank you ma'am. And I hope Ezio continues to bring you happiness

Now, now, guys, let's not all slap our dicks on the table here, this isn't a pissing contest. But I always found it quite funny to get told to stop punning via the medium of punning ;) Anyhow, no need for everyone to be so stiff about this.

Erection you may be right about this pleo, now let the bell end it all.

I hope everyone can get along and rub this one out. I know we're balls deep in frustration here, so we have to think long and hard of how to forgive. It'd be so satisfying to see a happy ending here!

Haha I love it

Spank you, #16... For nuttin.

69 upvotes

That is a sticky situation there.

You're a sticky situation.

What a jerk off.

I agree, too many wankers think with their shift instead of their head. In other words "use your noodle before using your noodle".

Hand sanitizer is your friend

Semen that's why you should sanitize your equipment cuz jerk-offs don't care

Get a UV light or a light that brings up bodily fluids and investigate. Who knows, you might even find a crime scene. Look for THAT in the confessionals!

Gives new meaning to the term "keystroke."

And Numb-Lock ;)))

Sony forget the Sticky-keys. Definitely sticky keys.

I know Sony are some shady mofos, but I don't think they'd intentionally jizz on all my keys! (what's wrong with your spelling today? Don't blame autocorrect!)

I dunno. Guess I'm a little rusty after taking an extended leave of absence from FML. I also noticed Keevarou is back.

Should I feel ashamed I don't know who that is? I think I'm too asocial, and this is the internet. Gosh. I feel so alone. *cries*

Don't worry Pleo, he meant Kleenex, the auto correct got him again

That makes more sense. MITM, get a grip! Err, wrong choice of words. I mean, control your discharging!

No I meant Keevarou. He goes pretty far back.

Pleonasm, you've just got to get used to being the new kid around these parts. You'll learn. ;)

I'm not new, I've lurked for years :'( Just not well enough, I guess.

MWell, since were all reminiscing here, I really miss Flockz and wish Freeze would comment more often along with KaySL...l

That's really gross, but it's not news that people are gross. You went looking for people's dark secrets, found one that's honestly not that surprising, so YDI for being grossed out.

I'd probably want to know if someone was jerking off and using my things too, at least so i'd know to replace it or wash it

In that case 44, I've been jerking off and using all of your things. You're welcome. Not for telling you, but for the act itself.