Health

Stressed out

By sick - 06/01/2011 12:21 - United States

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 677

You deserved it 2 597

Help!

By nuerrotticc - 06/01/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2 a.m. because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 571

You deserved it 6 718

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 985

You deserved it 10 350

No tip for you

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 11 989

By clumsy - 04/01/2011 15:47

Today, while walking on the sidewalk with my boyfriend, I slipped and fell. Not only did he not help me get up or ask if I was okay, he got mad at me for embarrassing him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 286

You deserved it 4 709

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 2 981

By anonymous - 03/01/2011 19:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 5 070

Kids these days…

By jenabp - 03/01/2011 18:56 - United States

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year-old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 861

You deserved it 4 695

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 729

You deserved it 5 256

By ouch - 03/01/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 2 993

By cauteriseme - 01/01/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 4 161

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 374

You deserved it 4 503

By Nickolas - 31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 076

You deserved it 3 734

By infected - 30/12/2010 21:37 - Denmark

Today, I had a snowball fight with a friend. In the midst of the game, I stole her hat and put it on my head, ignoring her pleas. Apparently, she was trying to say she had head lice. I can now verify that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 633

You deserved it 43 665

By depressednupset - 30/12/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 596

You deserved it 8 259

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 102

You deserved it 7 407

It's just liquid fun

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 05:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 050

You deserved it 3 034

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 01:17 - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after two years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 27 963

By ppd_sucks - 29/12/2010 20:03 - United States

Today, my wife and I received confirmation that she has postpartum depression. When sharing this with the family, my mother exclaimed "I told you she was a psycho!" Now my wife is crying louder and more often than our newborn. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 698

You deserved it 3 612

By caempa - 29/12/2010 18:13 - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 13 657

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, I was giving myself a breast exam for lumps. I heard laughing, looked around and saw that the 12 year-old neighbor and his friends were watching through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 054

You deserved it 12 513

By ewicsmelly - 29/12/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 763

You deserved it 56 799

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 510

You deserved it 2 628

By Anonymous - 27/12/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I was being driven to get my wisdom teeth removed and I was panicking all the way there. When we got to the office, I was told that I'd been brought in on the wrong day, and that I have to do this all over again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 199

You deserved it 8 187

By boreed - 27/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, I finally got an unsightly mole on my face removed. While I was shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 040

You deserved it 4 392

Loose fit

By cloud7 - 27/12/2010 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 876

You deserved it 6 918

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 21:32 - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 248

You deserved it 4 474

By person - 26/12/2010 17:59 - Jordan

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 938

You deserved it 28 353

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 847

You deserved it 4 769

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I think my friends were trying to tell me something with all my Christmas gifts being mostly perfume, deodorant, and soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 647

You deserved it 30 545

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 4 822

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 836

You deserved it 416

Today, I had to break off all contact with my toxic ex and my even more toxic adult daughter, for my mental health and suicidal urges. My elderly parents, who don’t think mental health is a thing, not only took their side, they’re taking me out of their will and putting my daughter in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 206

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 215

You deserved it 11 275

Today, I went to a costume party dressed as a pineapple. As it turned out, the theme was "tropical", not "tropical fruit". Everyone else was in Hawaiian shirts while I stood there looking fruity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 347

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 628

You deserved it 3 168