Health: Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to... - FML

By BigToe - 26/04/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. My mom didn't think it was necessary to take me to hospital, opting to give me some painkillers instead. They were so strong that I fell asleep for an hour during my exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 466

You deserved it 4 066

The smell detective is on the case

Walk on the wild side

Best teeth in the game

By Blah - 02/08/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 459

You deserved it 247

By anon - 28/09/2015 03:27 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 926

You deserved it 2 710

By anonymous - 20/02/2014 05:27 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 139

You deserved it 3 391

By Anonymous - 19/06/2017 02:00

Today, I woke up, got dressed, drove for an hour, just to find out that I was fired. This is the closest job near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 481

You deserved it 378

Long list

By Unfortunate - 02/06/2021 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after two years of dating. So far this year, I sprained my wrist, my dog died, my best friend of 6 years ended our friendship, I was diagnosed with PMDD, my cat died, I had an ovarian cyst rupture, and I got turned down for every job I applied for. Only 7 more months to go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 98

By badass - 13/08/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 334

You deserved it 18 333

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 7 312

By frustrated - 17/08/2013 22:56 - Ireland - Killarney

Spicy

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 006

You deserved it 7 381

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 09:47 - Canada

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 656

You deserved it 2 325

By WTFisMyLife - 08/05/2019 03:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend whipped out his proverbial notebook, where he obviously keeps notes of what I do and how I act during sex, and then grilled me about every single one of those things. Now I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to be interrogated about it later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 273

By oops - 15/07/2012 05:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 741

You deserved it 44 299

By Clauric - 24/03/2010 12:11 - Ireland

Today, the passport office informed me I won't get my passport in time to go on holidays. However, they took the money for the passport out of my account 2 months ago, causing me to go overdrawn, and not pay my travel insurance. The same insurance I needed to get the cost of the holiday back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 643

You deserved it 4 871

By unsatisfied - 01/02/2010 00:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 680

You deserved it 3 879

By ToobyFrank - 06/03/2009 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 033

You deserved it 68 067

By 3.14 - 08/02/2012 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 2 069

By CatLitterLover - 08/02/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 165

You deserved it 15 596

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 12:22 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 076

You deserved it 3 865

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 252

You deserved it 16 419

By 0stvn0 - 16/03/2012 01:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 5 635

By wjones - 15/12/2009 15:06 - United States

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 485

You deserved it 33 657

New or used?

By Dez Johnson - 07/03/2021 11:01

Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 56

By AnonWife - 22/01/2014 01:16 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 239

You deserved it 9 395

By Anonymous - 31/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 5 347

Surprise!

By dieold - 28/01/2009 12:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriend's house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles, I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out, and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 831

You deserved it 34 174

By N - 08/02/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 309

You deserved it 5 229

By Too Many Layers - 24/10/2016 18:43 - United Kingdom - Newton Abbot

Today, I found out my landlord has bought himself a new boat. He refuses to turn up the heating to save money. I'm freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 873

You deserved it 747

By kjmsit - 16/06/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 635

You deserved it 23 374

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 113

You deserved it 27 219

By sunburychick - 13/09/2009 09:27 - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 774

You deserved it 26 071

They'll hear you coming

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I wanted to be a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 156

By sexyfail - 26/01/2010 08:59 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 165

You deserved it 27 697

By :( - 31/07/2016 04:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me that I'll never get married if my cooking skills don't improve. My boyfriend agrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 647

You deserved it 2 440

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 908

You deserved it 3 434

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 525

You deserved it 3 535

By RBergman - 25/04/2015 20:05 - United States - Basin

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 581

You deserved it 3 332

Water, water, everywhere

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 05:00

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 134

The age-old story

By Anonymous - 11/06/2020 02:01

Today, the girl I’ve been crushing over for so long told me that I’m a great guy and a catch, but then went on to tell me all about the other guy she’s been sleeping with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 211

By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 39 768

By Not A Pervert - 04/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 912

You deserved it 5 698

By tessisue - 04/01/2016 11:18 - Germany

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 796

You deserved it 2 204

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Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:11

Mama's got the hookupppp

redheadcaligurl 0

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:12

they won't do anything at the hospital anyway.

Comments

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:11

At least you don't have to feel the pain of failing.

bravesfan112233 0

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:29

why does a mom have painkillers if she isn't using it?

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 0:29

so true

tjv3 10

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 1:24

go to the hospital for a broken toe? all they will do is tape it and give you pain meds.

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 5:27

When I broke my toe, my mom thought the toe just popped out of place and was gonna pop it back into place. After I went to the doctor, I was really glad I didn't let my mom pop it back into place.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:11

Mama's got the hookupppp

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 2:43

op: im bord mother: have some painkillers

redheadcaligurl 0

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:12

they won't do anything at the hospital anyway.

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:14

true, there really isn't a treatment for broken toes

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:30

tell me about it haha my toe bent in the opposite direction while playing a game in my class one time, all I could do was tough it out and tape it to my other toe, very painful and my class never let me live it down haha

yourallidiots13 0

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 1:43

yeah besides breaking you toe doesn't really hurt

MissNicky_fml 0

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Saturday 26 May 2012 17:44

Breaking any bone hurts. Don't believe me?? Why don't test it out. retard

notsoluckypup 12

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:15

Put it in a splint ... Or take yourself to the hospital ...

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:15

uhhh why the hell would you go to the doctor for a broken toe? Doctor sin't going to do anythign except give you ibuprophen and send you home. It's just a broken toe....

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Saturday 9 July 2011 13:26

you don't even need pain killers for a broken toe. I've broken my pinkie toes so much they don't bend or anything and I never once needed a pain killer

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:16

why didn't you just drive yourself?

ydi_4_suking 20

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 0:04

probably because the toe was broken. kinda painful to drive with a freshly broken toe

snowboarder1417 2

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 1:34

Really? I drive with my whole foot, not just my toes.

bubblesandbeatle 0

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 8:35

Yeah but it's kinda awkward when, ya know, your toe is attached to your foot.

Bradley_Dillon 39

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Friday 26 September 2014 17:37

She's a highschool/post secondary student. She probably doesn't have a car.

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:22

Dammit, I knew there was something I did wrong today. I told Sam the hobo to fill it up with the strongest shit possible and that fool put in horse tranqs. Don't worry you guys will get a full refund, your mom's one of my best costumers. Just let me beat Sam with a garden hose first.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 8:00

wtf

MissNicky_fml 0

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Saturday 26 May 2012 17:46

What the fuck are you talking about?

oblio 0

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:24

You must have a very low pain threshold. That was pretty nice of your mom, don't blame her just because you're a clumsy oaf.

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:34

When I broke my toe, the doctor made a "living splint".

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 22:35

it's not necessary to go to the hospital for a broken toe. at most they will x-ray and tape it to the next one but more than likely they will say there's nothing to be done and to let it heal on it's own. grow a pair and deal with it.

zuzupetalsYO 11

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 20:36

the mom should have known to tape it but didn't. so yes, OP should have went to the dr.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 118

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 95