Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML By Alice Samisey's illustrated FML Guys! The week is almost over. TGIS right? Well, don't worry, you don't have to wait anymore, you can fully enjoy two days... 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share By Anonymous / Friday 10 April 2009 21:40 / United States
By Alice Samisey's illustrated FML Guys! The week is almost over. TGIS right? Well, don't worry, you don't have to wait anymore, you can fully enjoy two days... 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kitkat - 2/5/2020 14:00 Experts, schmexperts Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML I agree, your life sucks 1662 You deserved it 104 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By scarred Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML I agree, your life sucks 3379 You deserved it 360 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/10/2020 02:00 Passionate Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML I agree, your life sucks 1034 You deserved it 432 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By solyana vr1 - United States Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML I agree, your life sucks 23777 You deserved it 9504 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smellychick - United States - Hesperia Today, my boyfriend dumped me for being a "cheating whore" when he found men’s deodorant in my bathroom cabinet. I just have abnormally strong B.O. and men’s deodorant works better for me. According to him, "No girl sweats that much." FML I agree, your life sucks 5031 You deserved it 282 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By West of the day - 22/9/2020 05:01 Forever Alone Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML I agree, your life sucks 800 You deserved it 318 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML I agree, your life sucks 46128 You deserved it 5982 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01 Unloveable Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML I agree, your life sucks 852 You deserved it 73 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML I agree, your life sucks 33613 You deserved it 2434 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By loser - United Kingdom - Leeds Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 19498 You deserved it 1622 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By helloimkylieee - United States - Tracy Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML I agree, your life sucks 21609 You deserved it 1537 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 56908 You deserved it 10940 226 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whasian - United States Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML I agree, your life sucks 41815 You deserved it 3108 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CapeRanger - South Africa Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML I agree, your life sucks 54783 You deserved it 4753 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By part time all the time - United States - Bloomfield Hills Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 58228 You deserved it 3396 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teegtwo - United States Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML I agree, your life sucks 44840 You deserved it 26944 135 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thatssickkk - United States Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML I agree, your life sucks 27386 You deserved it 2698 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By its still broken - United States - Jacksonville Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML I agree, your life sucks 28550 You deserved it 1960 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By welp, time to become an assassin - United States - Rowlett Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML I agree, your life sucks 48214 You deserved it 4652 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By screwed - United States Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML I agree, your life sucks 45516 You deserved it 4929 190 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By half-dead in CA - United States - San Francisco Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 47211 You deserved it 4000 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shooting myself - United States - Hillsboro Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML I agree, your life sucks 41227 You deserved it 22075 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML I agree, your life sucks 19968 You deserved it 35261 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML I agree, your life sucks 50917 You deserved it 10210 183 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML I agree, your life sucks 31214 You deserved it 4879 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EmoToyBoy - 30/4/2020 14:00 Spiritual connection Today, my girlfriend told me that she doesn't want a physical relationship, but an emotional one instead. I said that I was fine with that, as long as we talked things through in the future. She dumped me there and then, because "no straight guy would agree to that." FML I agree, your life sucks 1963 You deserved it 407 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML I agree, your life sucks 51559 You deserved it 8403 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tikizombie - Canada Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML I agree, your life sucks 12653 You deserved it 50175 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By secret123 - United States Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML I agree, your life sucks 47037 You deserved it 19023 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmynote - United States Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me and said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML I agree, your life sucks 44218 You deserved it 29658 259 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fishyrael - 26/1/2021 23:01 Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML I agree, your life sucks 662 You deserved it 109 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By daniel55 - United Kingdom - London Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML I agree, your life sucks 39286 You deserved it 5847 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML I agree, your life sucks 38080 You deserved it 24291 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sunshine Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML I agree, your life sucks 3778 You deserved it 887 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML I agree, your life sucks 66792 You deserved it 9613 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 29346 You deserved it 2241 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML I agree, your life sucks 24742 You deserved it 14220 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Aurora Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML I agree, your life sucks 25220 You deserved it 1986 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By POLYBLOT - United States Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML I agree, your life sucks 14922 You deserved it 55934 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jesspie - United Kingdom Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 19218 You deserved it 38155 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By RyanRaygun | 0 #100805 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38 The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle. Send a private message 454 7 Reply
By neonoodle | 0 #100824 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39 get over your penis size and get out more. Your insecurity is what's holding you back. Send a private message 291 13 Reply
By 666midnight | 0 #100785 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:34 lol thats bad :P Send a private message 223 23 Reply
Reply mercury23 | 7 #972290 - Thursday 1 April 2010 0:10 hooked up? it is so funny! Send a private message 1 31 Reply
Reply Asstazztic | 8 #1039608 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 21:25 I'm sure mommy and daddy saw it when u were a baby, and your doctor when u were born Send a private message 57 8 Reply
Reply zanguard | 0 #1112179 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:29 maybe the doctor just wasn't hot? Send a private message 5 36 Reply
Reply Midrash | 5 #3461503 - Thursday 20 October 2011 15:03 It's just a small problem. Not a big deal Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply boredSOLDIER | 33 #5613081 - Sunday 4 August 2013 23:26 what? Send a private message 18 1 Reply
By dippindot001 | 0 #100789 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:34 ahahahahaha 30 year old and you've never hooked up?!?! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply fishsmash | 0 #1245828 - Sunday 15 August 2010 15:07 the funny part is hes from virginia xD Send a private message 173 9 Reply
Reply tomdebom | 0 #1636039 - Monday 1 November 2010 18:44 hahahhahahahah youre genious serieus Send a private message 2 70 Reply
Reply YeaWhoFMLitsme | 6 #3774043 - Friday 23 December 2011 3:56 Lol Send a private message 5 34 Reply
Reply DrBAMF69 | 0 #4602076 - Saturday 23 June 2012 3:49 Quite a chick magnet Send a private message 27 6 Reply
By RyanRaygun | 0 #100805 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38 The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle. Send a private message 454 7 Reply
Reply marc24_fml | 0 #2284046 - Sunday 3 April 2011 5:05 hahaha!!!!!! Send a private message 17 7 Reply
Reply lizzzmarie | 0 #2383304 - Thursday 21 April 2011 15:12 bahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahaha Send a private message 14 9 Reply
Reply Snackycake | 20 #4569393 - Friday 15 June 2012 9:58 That sounds....painful. Send a private message 39 1 Reply
Reply Henge | 6 #5633772 - Monday 19 August 2013 4:49 for it to be shaped like a poodle.. it would have to be blown up... and last I checked its kinda hard to do that by yourself.... Send a private message 22 3 Reply
Reply tormcn | 26 #6277979 - Thursday 30 April 2015 15:01 Unless you're Marilyn Manson. He had rib cages taken out to do so. Send a private message 1 7 Reply
Reply Hippohighasakite | 21 #6576105 - Friday 8 April 2016 2:28 he never actually had that done that was just a stupid rumor. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply CreeperXRemix15 | 8 #5589582 - Saturday 20 July 2013 17:11 you say that like it's his fault Send a private message 65 4 Reply
Reply acid_moose | 7 #5767980 - Monday 25 November 2013 20:55 I assume he was flaccid when she saw it. If that's the case, he might just be a grower, not a shower. Send a private message 35 1 Reply
By ohhboyy | 0 #100810 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38 MAYBE SHE HAS A COLD! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Jok3r_fml | 0 #100812 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39 rough man haha Send a private message 8 29 Reply
By lilian96 | 0 #100816 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39 LOL you're hilarous #5 ! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By basketball03 | 0 #100818 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36 FYL for suuuuree Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply PterodactylMan | 23 #5608832 - Thursday 1 August 2013 23:37 I'm sorry man, that really sucks Send a private message 9 2 Reply
By Jem0_0 | 0 #100819 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:37 I would have passed out from embarrassment. Send a private message 156 6 Reply
By neonoodle | 0 #100824 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39 get over your penis size and get out more. Your insecurity is what's holding you back. Send a private message 291 13 Reply
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 67 4 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 659 You deserved it 81 8 Comments