Health: Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30...

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

By Alice

Samisey's illustrated FML

Guys! The week is almost over. TGIS right? Well, don't worry, you don't have to wait anymore, you can fully enjoy two days...

Favorite

By Anonymous / Friday 10 April 2009 21:40 / United States

Health

Added flavor

Close Zoom, quick sharp

Bodyshaming

By Flutie

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3317

You deserved it

738

Favorite

By MyEarsHurt - United States - Stockton

Today, my next-door neighbor decided to become a rapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22349

You deserved it

2073

Favorite

By Marissa Di Stefano - 5/1/2021 17:01

Leave me out of it

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

773

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By JaneDoe - United States - Salisbury

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37595

You deserved it

2766

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21119

You deserved it

1318

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2021 11:01

Rock, hard place

Today, my parents have decided to ground me if I don’t wake up early. If I wake up early, I get migraines. Not only that, but the migraines always last for exactly as long as the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30605

You deserved it

3960

Favorite

By humiliated - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22748

You deserved it

4013

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45667

You deserved it

4437

Favorite

By dummy441 - United States

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16745

You deserved it

68060

Favorite

By leftwardfoil - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47343

You deserved it

3339

Favorite

By damnitsam

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5263

You deserved it

408

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie

Deep desire

Today, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost a year. I finally have a good chance to get pregnant this month, and I'm ovulating today for the first time in 3 months. My husband has the flu, he's highly contagious for the next 24 hours, and has been asleep since I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2138

You deserved it

236

Favorite

By annoyed - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37103

You deserved it

2742

Favorite

Fact of scratching

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3281

You deserved it

281

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28375

You deserved it

8057

Favorite

By poop towel - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37508

You deserved it

2223

Favorite

By nowimbroketoo - Australia - Beaumaris

Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57144

You deserved it

4337

Favorite

By karmaquestionmark - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18070

You deserved it

36755

Favorite

By Jedi - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

I agree, your life sucks

54227

You deserved it

2722

Favorite

By Incompetent - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, my boss admitted that he seriously regrets hiring me, but can't really do anything about it because that would make the senior management question his judgment, making him look bad. So he's just 'putting up' with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13712

You deserved it

1274

Favorite

By ziatenaj - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30147

You deserved it

2949

Favorite

By Devin

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

672

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10814

You deserved it

35601

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16928

You deserved it

41826

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44929

You deserved it

3439

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4606

You deserved it

855

Favorite

By Anonymous

This is going well

Today, my husband is so bored with speaking to me, he literally walked outside when I was mid-sentence during a conversation about how I need more attention in our relationship. We've only been married 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1809

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By shoutoutloud2him - United States

Today, I was at Home Depot getting a Christmas tree with my family. While picking out a tree, a man thought it would be nice to help cut off the string that held the tree together. The branches hit me in the face and the guy managed to cut my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27900

You deserved it

2611

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42229

You deserved it

3882

Favorite

By teach - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39174

You deserved it

8473

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29731

You deserved it

5684

Favorite

By givingup - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35796

You deserved it

63007

Favorite

By celticschick - 31/8/2020 16:59

And they same romance is dead…

Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2193

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By fuckface? I wish - Australia - Diamond Beach

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60864

You deserved it

5459

Favorite

By tbee - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36410

You deserved it

10765

Favorite

By Liz - United States

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57836

You deserved it

19125

Favorite

By Oh dear - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28530

You deserved it

2716

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24616

You deserved it

2743

Favorite

By Anonycock - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20757

You deserved it

3879

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RyanRaygun | 0

#100805 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle.

By neonoodle | 0

#100824 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

get over your penis size and get out more. Your insecurity is what's holding you back.

COMMENTS

By 666midnight | 0

#100785 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:34

lol thats bad :P

mercury23 | 7

#972290 - Thursday 1 April 2010 0:10

hooked up? it is so funny!

Asstazztic | 8

#1039608 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 21:25

I'm sure mommy and daddy saw it when u were a baby, and your doctor when u were born

zanguard | 0

#1112179 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:29

maybe the doctor just wasn't hot?

Midrash | 5

#3461503 - Thursday 20 October 2011 15:03

It's just a small problem. Not a big deal

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5613081 - Sunday 4 August 2013 23:26

what?

By dippindot001 | 0

#100789 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:34

ahahahahaha 30 year old and you've never hooked up?!?!

fishsmash | 0

#1245828 - Sunday 15 August 2010 15:07

the funny part is hes from virginia xD

tomdebom | 0

#1636039 - Monday 1 November 2010 18:44

hahahhahahahah youre genious serieus

YeaWhoFMLitsme | 6

#3774043 - Friday 23 December 2011 3:56

Lol

DrBAMF69 | 0

#4602076 - Saturday 23 June 2012 3:49

Quite a chick magnet

By RyanRaygun | 0

#100805 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle.

marc24_fml | 0

#2284046 - Sunday 3 April 2011 5:05

hahaha!!!!!!

lizzzmarie | 0

#2383304 - Thursday 21 April 2011 15:12

bahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahaha

Snackycake | 20

#4569393 - Friday 15 June 2012 9:58

That sounds....painful.

Henge | 6

#5633772 - Monday 19 August 2013 4:49

for it to be shaped like a poodle.. it would have to be blown up... and last I checked its kinda hard to do that by yourself....

tormcn | 26

#6277979 - Thursday 30 April 2015 15:01

Unless you're Marilyn Manson. He had rib cages taken out to do so.

Hippohighasakite | 21

#6576105 - Friday 8 April 2016 2:28

he never actually had that done that was just a stupid rumor.

By ohdamn_fml | 2

#100808 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

You fail, sorry.

CreeperXRemix15 | 8

#5589582 - Saturday 20 July 2013 17:11

you say that like it's his fault

acid_moose | 7

#5767980 - Monday 25 November 2013 20:55

I assume he was flaccid when she saw it. If that's the case, he might just be a grower, not a shower.

By ohhboyy | 0

#100810 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

MAYBE SHE HAS A COLD!

By Jok3r_fml | 0

#100812 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

rough man haha

By lilian96 | 0

#100816 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

LOL
you're hilarous #5 !

By basketball03 | 0

#100818 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

FYL for suuuuree

PterodactylMan | 23

#5608832 - Thursday 1 August 2013 23:37

I'm sorry man, that really sucks

By Jem0_0 | 0

#100819 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:37

I would have passed out from embarrassment.

By neonoodle | 0

#100824 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

get over your penis size and get out more. Your insecurity is what's holding you back.