Health: Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30...

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

By Alice

Samisey's illustrated FML

Guys! The week is almost over. TGIS right? Well, don't worry, you don't have to wait anymore, you can fully enjoy two days...

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By Anonymous / Friday 10 April 2009 21:40 / United States

Health

Commando

Out of it

Medicare for all, please

By Kitkat - 2/5/2020 14:00

Experts, schmexperts

Today, my mom took medical advice from her friend over mine. Her friend sells cheese and I'm a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1662

You deserved it

104

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By scarred

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3379

You deserved it

360

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2020 02:00

Passionate

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1034

You deserved it

432

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By solyana vr1 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23777

You deserved it

9504

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By smellychick - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for being a "cheating whore" when he found men’s deodorant in my bathroom cabinet. I just have abnormally strong B.O. and men’s deodorant works better for me. According to him, "No girl sweats that much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5031

You deserved it

282

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By West of the day - 22/9/2020 05:01

Forever Alone

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

800

You deserved it

318

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46128

You deserved it

5982

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 23:01

Unloveable

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

852

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33613

You deserved it

2434

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By loser - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19498

You deserved it

1622

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By helloimkylieee - United States - Tracy

Today, I had to convince my parents to shut the door when they have sex. They have done this on multiple occasions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21609

You deserved it

1537

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56908

You deserved it

10940

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By whasian - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41815

You deserved it

3108

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By CapeRanger - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54783

You deserved it

4753

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By part time all the time - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58228

You deserved it

3396

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By teegtwo - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44840

You deserved it

26944

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By thatssickkk - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27386

You deserved it

2698

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By its still broken - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28550

You deserved it

1960

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By welp, time to become an assassin - United States - Rowlett

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48214

You deserved it

4652

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By screwed - United States

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45516

You deserved it

4929

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By half-dead in CA - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47211

You deserved it

4000

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By Shooting myself - United States - Hillsboro

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41227

You deserved it

22075

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By me - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19968

You deserved it

35261

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50917

You deserved it

10210

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31214

You deserved it

4879

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By EmoToyBoy - 30/4/2020 14:00

Spiritual connection

Today, my girlfriend told me that she doesn't want a physical relationship, but an emotional one instead. I said that I was fine with that, as long as we talked things through in the future. She dumped me there and then, because "no straight guy would agree to that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1963

You deserved it

407

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51559

You deserved it

8403

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By tikizombie - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12653

You deserved it

50175

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By secret123 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47037

You deserved it

19023

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By fmynote - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me and said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44218

You deserved it

29658

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By fishyrael - 26/1/2021 23:01

Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

662

You deserved it

109

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By daniel55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39286

You deserved it

5847

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38080

You deserved it

24291

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By sunshine

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3778

You deserved it

887

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for my birthday, I got a Big Mac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66792

You deserved it

9613

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29346

You deserved it

2241

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24742

You deserved it

14220

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By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I got a raise at work. It will bring my hourly wage to about a cent more per hour. Our CEO just reported record-breaking profits for the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25220

You deserved it

1986

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By POLYBLOT - United States

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14922

You deserved it

55934

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By jesspie - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19218

You deserved it

38155

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Top comments

By RyanRaygun | 0

#100805 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle.

By neonoodle | 0

#100824 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

get over your penis size and get out more. Your insecurity is what's holding you back.

COMMENTS

By 666midnight | 0

#100785 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:34

lol thats bad :P

mercury23 | 7

#972290 - Thursday 1 April 2010 0:10

hooked up? it is so funny!

Asstazztic | 8

#1039608 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 21:25

I'm sure mommy and daddy saw it when u were a baby, and your doctor when u were born

zanguard | 0

#1112179 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:29

maybe the doctor just wasn't hot?

Midrash | 5

#3461503 - Thursday 20 October 2011 15:03

It's just a small problem. Not a big deal

boredSOLDIER | 33

#5613081 - Sunday 4 August 2013 23:26

what?

By dippindot001 | 0

#100789 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:34

ahahahahaha 30 year old and you've never hooked up?!?!

fishsmash | 0

#1245828 - Sunday 15 August 2010 15:07

the funny part is hes from virginia xD

tomdebom | 0

#1636039 - Monday 1 November 2010 18:44

hahahhahahahah youre genious serieus

YeaWhoFMLitsme | 6

#3774043 - Friday 23 December 2011 3:56

Lol

DrBAMF69 | 0

#4602076 - Saturday 23 June 2012 3:49

Quite a chick magnet

By RyanRaygun | 0

#100805 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

The only reasonable explanation for this is that you are a clown and before you went to the doctor you tied your penis up to look like a poodle.

marc24_fml | 0

#2284046 - Sunday 3 April 2011 5:05

hahaha!!!!!!

lizzzmarie | 0

#2383304 - Thursday 21 April 2011 15:12

bahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahaha

Snackycake | 20

#4569393 - Friday 15 June 2012 9:58

That sounds....painful.

Henge | 6

#5633772 - Monday 19 August 2013 4:49

for it to be shaped like a poodle.. it would have to be blown up... and last I checked its kinda hard to do that by yourself....

tormcn | 26

#6277979 - Thursday 30 April 2015 15:01

Unless you're Marilyn Manson. He had rib cages taken out to do so.

Hippohighasakite | 21

#6576105 - Friday 8 April 2016 2:28

he never actually had that done that was just a stupid rumor.

By ohdamn_fml | 2

#100808 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

You fail, sorry.

CreeperXRemix15 | 8

#5589582 - Saturday 20 July 2013 17:11

you say that like it's his fault

acid_moose | 7

#5767980 - Monday 25 November 2013 20:55

I assume he was flaccid when she saw it. If that's the case, he might just be a grower, not a shower.

By ohhboyy | 0

#100810 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:38

MAYBE SHE HAS A COLD!

By Jok3r_fml | 0

#100812 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

rough man haha

By lilian96 | 0

#100816 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

LOL
you're hilarous #5 !

By basketball03 | 0

#100818 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:36

FYL for suuuuree

PterodactylMan | 23

#5608832 - Thursday 1 August 2013 23:37

I'm sorry man, that really sucks

By Jem0_0 | 0

#100819 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:37

I would have passed out from embarrassment.

By neonoodle | 0

#100824 - Saturday 11 April 2009 3:39

get over your penis size and get out more. Your insecurity is what's holding you back.