Miscellaneous: Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat... - FML

By Mandoune - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24272

You deserved it

4555

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Where's my anvil?

Cheer up sleepy dreams

By Meh - United States - Bothell

Today, I found out that my roommate has a good voice, because he loudly sings Korean love songs at one in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I called 911 and got taken to hospital via ambulance after a suicide attempt. When I called my mom, the first thing she asked was, "How much is the ambulance going to cost?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2789

You deserved it

946

Tweet

Share

By Rimmy Jobs - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25304

You deserved it

2184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Sandown

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13741

You deserved it

1501

Tweet

Share

By really - Canada - Ottawa

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12494

You deserved it

1011

Tweet

Share

By Bittersweet

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1683

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By forgottendaughter - South Africa

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48758

You deserved it

2556

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46792

You deserved it

3516

Tweet

Share

By leosmom

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1907

You deserved it

1214

Tweet

Share

By jordigs - United States

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38398

You deserved it

4239

Tweet

Share

By leeseyxoxo - United States

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44047

You deserved it

5173

Tweet

Share

By NoseInPain - United States

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52377

You deserved it

3968

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15053

You deserved it

46905

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36068

You deserved it

2845

Tweet

Share

By zamwow - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60646

You deserved it

8842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25061

You deserved it

82431

Tweet

Share

By grantsidiots - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56707

You deserved it

3130

Tweet

Share

By stupiddrunk - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15991

You deserved it

39214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46134

You deserved it

8382

Tweet

Share

By I Don't Exorcise - United States - Shawnee

Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29967

You deserved it

3015

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 20:01

Neuter your pets

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks

375

You deserved it

1055

Tweet

Share

By lifesucks4me - United States

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

I agree, your life sucks

160646

You deserved it

13738

Tweet

Share

By no no no - United States - Simi Valley

Game of Nope

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6893

You deserved it

572

Tweet

Share

By Foreveralone - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26924

You deserved it

2974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it took me and my husband three hours to put our new book shelves together. It took our cat all of three seconds to knock it all down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28759

You deserved it

5388

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34991

You deserved it

6292

Tweet

Share

By lahiros - Australia - Bentleigh East

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68431

You deserved it

7505

Tweet

Share

By Perry85

Cloud Cuckooland

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

369

You deserved it

2949

Tweet

Share

By B_and_W - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66827

You deserved it

4922

Tweet

Share

By NoHipster - 3/6/2020 05:02

Crazy people

Today, while I was waiting for a bus, a nutjob-looking dude walked up to me, then hissed, "You hipster scum, you don't even need those glasses," before forcibly removing them and snapping them in half. I was wearing regular clothes, and those prescription glasses cost me $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1998

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By nic - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21719

You deserved it

120238

Tweet

Share

By VeryLoved - 28/4/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Great parenting

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

I agree, your life sucks

894

You deserved it

190

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

I agree, your life sucks

153312

You deserved it

14332

Tweet

Share

By JayBausch - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51655

You deserved it

7040

Tweet

Share

By notgettinsome - Australia

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49893

You deserved it

5177

Tweet

Share

By oopsydaisy - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34536

You deserved it

11957

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41889

You deserved it

3400

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59027

You deserved it

8811

Tweet

Share

By not_fakingit - Canada - Montr?al

Lava

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42459

You deserved it

11200

Tweet

Share

By This guy - United States - Jackson

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27901

You deserved it

2542

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SRJ | 0

#87662 - Monday 6 April 2009 21:48

I'm a bit confused too. But according to urbandictionary, "flower pot" means "When you soil/shart you underwear, then remove the underwear and put them on someones head." Maybe the person who posted the fml meant soiled underwear? Even then its a bit confusing...unless the flatmate had sh*t themselves and came out in their underwear to help.

By silvereye12 | 7

#2784240 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 9:55

sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#281 - Thursday 5 February 2009 14:57

And did you get it out with it? :)

Reply

Gibby_fml | 0

#929055 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 16:29

your 'flat mate'???? lol.

Reply

TheBlakester419 | 0

#975441 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 3:42

flat in Europe meens apartmant. therefore, it would be like saying apartment neighbor

Reply

queencitystoner | 0

#1041957 - Thursday 24 June 2010 23:09

nope equivelant to roomate not neighbour

By deadangel_fml | 0

#1648 - Thursday 12 February 2009 20:03

I don't get it either... Confoozed.

Reply

zackmx99 | 0

#997172 - Wednesday 19 May 2010 5:00

WIN confoozed lol

By asdf123 | 0

#2282 - Sunday 15 February 2009 5:59

i don't get it

Reply

YourAFailmod | 4

#4210113 - Saturday 24 March 2012 20:51

Why do the FML mod people post these it makes no sense.

By hahasucks | 0

#3975 - Thursday 19 February 2009 18:10

i don't get it at all

By carebear | 0

#8695 - Friday 27 February 2009 18:49

that doesn't make sense...

By McFinder | 0

#11098 - Monday 2 March 2009 17:47

this is stupid. i don't get it

By shaBAMalex | 0

#17348 - Friday 6 March 2009 2:49

:S what

Reply

jonnyapples | 7

#1287362 - Monday 23 August 2010 1:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

stoptoshin | 4

#3980191 - Thursday 2 February 2012 4:48

no man shes mine

By Raceta | 5

#28779 - Thursday 12 March 2009 22:27

Don't get it either!

By wbrycem | 0

#29650 - Friday 13 March 2009 12:08

Eh?

By javlin | 0

#29768 - Friday 13 March 2009 15:01

how did this get posted on here