Money: Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account.... - FML

By Yohm - 06/11/2008 09:41 - France

Today, I’m starting my 28th year with 28 cents on my bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 464

You deserved it 12 759

Stop talking!

Triage

That's a funny word, mom

Priorities

By ill - 02/10/2009 17:18 - Canada

Today, I called my dad to ask why my university tuition had not been paid. He said that "my school was too expensive and he couldn't afford it." He then asked me if I would take in his mail while he was away. He was taking his new wife to Hawaii, apparently it's beautiful this time of year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 477

You deserved it 3 593

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 269

By TCRII - 08/07/2019 12:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, it's the first day of our honeymoon. My bride just informed me that she invited her ex-husband to come, so he can spend time with the kids. He will be here in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 242

Thanks, I guess

By joAnne - 03/03/2009 21:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 587

You deserved it 4 138

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 893

You deserved it 31 000

By enya - 18/01/2016 22:29 - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 025

You deserved it 1 429

Is negging still a thing?

By coffeewench - 22/08/2017 04:29

Today, while I was reading in a park, a drunk bum started talking to me. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he said, "You're really pretty, and you have nice eyes, but you have chubby cheeks. What's up with that? Did you eat a lot of peanuts when you were a kid or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 380

By Mack - 09/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was at the book store when a book caught my eye: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies. I wanted to look through the book but I was too nervous to pick it up, thinking everyone in the store would look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 6 118

By Miscellaneous - 17/06/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 820

You deserved it 656

We heard you

By PeePee - 03/07/2009 19:19 - United States

Today, at work I had to use the bathroom. I asked my boss to watch my register and quickly walked into the bathroom. I squatted down and peed. A minute later I heard someone ask over our walkie talkie system who was using the bathroom. I had been pressing the intercom button while I peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 921

You deserved it 13 356

By oralMistake - 26/10/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 787

You deserved it 6 440

By Not Gay - 09/06/2015 03:04 - United States - Williamston

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 2 620

By ShiriSarah - 20/08/2009 14:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 850

You deserved it 153 099

By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 451

You deserved it 34 747

By diva467 - 03/10/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy having a great time. I went up to go to the ladies' room, but as I walked back to the table, I heard some giggles. I looked and found out why. My skirt was tucked into my underwear. I was wearing my lucky Star Wars-themed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 733

You deserved it 15 094

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 16:01 - United States - Worcester

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 445

You deserved it 2 236

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 382

You deserved it 3 498

Sucker

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 14:01

Today, I tried out my new noise-canceling headphones while vacuuming my house. They worked so well that I didn't hear the vacuum stop when the plug fell out of the outlet. I accidentally had the vacuum off the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 929

By Jesstanothergurl - 18/07/2016 19:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 589

You deserved it 865

By communistgirl - 24/01/2012 16:42 - United States

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 861

You deserved it 4 045

By Vxale - 29/09/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 596

You deserved it 3 038

By mrosewrosem - 24/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 864

You deserved it 3 433

By Facepalmum - 10/01/2013 06:28 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 509

You deserved it 7 913

By Sarcasmo - 12/07/2016 20:04 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 1 276

By samadams42 - 13/05/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 102

You deserved it 3 055

By Sally - 24/07/2009 09:04 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 902

You deserved it 4 734

By hairless by death - 13/08/2013 16:07 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 194

You deserved it 4 221

By Scat - 15/12/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 523

You deserved it 3 100

By mild banana - 16/06/2016 16:55 - United States - Cedar Hill

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 893

You deserved it 1 206

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Spicy

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 247

You deserved it 5 093

By Q - 20/05/2014 17:27 - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 393

You deserved it 5 321

By gross - 15/07/2011 01:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 225

You deserved it 5 011

By Anonymous - 25/05/2012 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 511

You deserved it 2 223

By soapgirl - 13/08/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 405

You deserved it 64 899

Smash capitalism

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 14:02

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 89

By Moody - 28/10/2009 19:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 366

You deserved it 38 039

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 594

You deserved it 3 333

By hello - 11/07/2010 00:57 - Jordan

Today, I was so bored at a family gathering that I pretended to be busy texting the whole time. I don't know what's worse, that I'm not close to anyone in my family, or that I have no one close enough to text to about such things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 283

You deserved it 8 793

It's called a calendar

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 17:31 - India - Mumbai

Today, it was my first day at my first job, I got up early, got ready, waited an hour for HR to call. I called them instead and they didn't answer, so I wrote an email to the partners. It turns out I got the first day date wrong. Some first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 368

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Top comments

riack 2

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Sunday 14 March 2010 8:18

yeah 800 of your mom and dads money. nothing to brag about

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 2:37

I actually didn't laugh on this one. It's not funny. it's depressing. I'm truly sorry. Hopefully you'll run into some good fortune soon.

Comments

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Monday 23 February 2009 21:19

I've had one cent in my bank account.

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Monday 6 August 2012 0:29

....well, think about how happy you'll be on your millionth birthday!

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Friday 26 October 2012 3:43

49- Cute :3 lolz. But for a million-year-old person, $10,000 isn't that much :o

doggypoop9496 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 12:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

riack 2

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Sunday 14 March 2010 8:18

yeah 800 of your mom and dads money. nothing to brag about

DaveP 0

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Monday 9 August 2010 0:41

but the guy in the FML can't get a job

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Thursday 16 December 2010 16:33

13 with 5,000 xD and no. this money isn't from my parents.

missonedirection 6

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Friday 13 April 2012 20:53

whoa, we got a badass over here :3

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Saturday 11 August 2012 5:22

15 with somewhere around $80. My boss owes me over $1500.

Nederlander95 14

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Wednesday 13 November 2013 18:49

Where'd you get it from then?

9echo 17

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Friday 23 May 2014 5:24

He flashes at his school like that other girl on FML, except this guy charges people.

twhitenight123 16

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Sunday 28 June 2015 7:03

Please explain how you got it then.

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Monday 16 March 2009 2:06

That sucks so much... but I laughed so hard...

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 2:37

I actually didn't laugh on this one. It's not funny. it's depressing. I'm truly sorry. Hopefully you'll run into some good fortune soon.

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:48

I agree with #9, times are tough these days. I hope your luck changes.

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Friday 20 March 2009 4:34

fyl sir

PKYAZ 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 21:51

I say u get ur ass moved and fid a fucking job am 15 and I dont get allowance I work for my money and I fucking love it =)

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 14:25

You don't have to pay for rent, food, gasoline, heating, internet, cooling, natural gas, water or electricity. I bet you couldn't do that.

9echo 17

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Friday 23 May 2014 5:26

As much as I hate to make one of those "I agree posts"... I totally agree with ya, #60. Lol. #12, grow up and stop acting like you're fully supporting yourself with your own job when you're really just living off your parents. Get ready for the real world, bud. :P

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Monday 23 March 2009 3:39

4 words: your life is fucked

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 3:33

hooray?

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Saturday 28 March 2009 20:09

n ur wasting ur time on fml? wow.. loser

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Friday 26 October 2012 3:45

Then wouldn't that make you a loser as well?

9echo 17

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Friday 23 May 2014 5:29

#15 is implying that OP should be out making money instead of sitting on the internet posting about his problems. I don't know OP's circumstances, but if he's in that bad of a financial position he should stop paying for the internet service he's using.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 49

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 51