Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal:... - FML

By Rolax - 6/11/2008 09:38 - France

Today, my boyfriend came up with this thrillingly romantic proposal: “I’m paying way too much income tax. How about we get married?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

60266

You deserved it

6012

Tweet

Share

Does it taste good?

Compassion

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By foreverafatty - 31/3/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30505

You deserved it

15748

Tweet

Share

By neckcrack - 7/9/2010 10:18 - Australia

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. I got a little too enthusiastic during it, and wound up cracking my neck loudly, and had to stop while the pain settled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19095

You deserved it

23947

Tweet

Share

By dammit33 - 28/5/2012 13:55 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25674

You deserved it

8856

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2012 05:24 - United States

Exposure

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29128

You deserved it

13800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 20:00

"Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger…"

Today, my wife wants a divorce. Apparently, she only married me for my potential, since my twin brother is a lawyer, she hoped I’d become a success as well, but since I’m content to be a carpenter, she considers me a disappointment and a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2169

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 18/6/2011 08:51 - United States

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45485

You deserved it

4925

Tweet

Share

By screwed - 29/5/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60676

You deserved it

3012

Tweet

Share

By jodulieu - 2/9/2010 02:31 - France

Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28509

You deserved it

4424

Tweet

Share

By brannonjames - 10/5/2012 22:20 - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26278

You deserved it

2310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39359

You deserved it

4394

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/12/2015 09:47 - United States - Tualatin

Today, I completed my two-month internship, where I have been working as hard as I could with the hope of being hired. My boss couldn't remember my name, and declined to be a reference. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20524

You deserved it

1412

Tweet

Share

By reality_stricken - 4/11/2009 14:00 - Guam

Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36324

You deserved it

8039

Tweet

Share

By ej6901 - 23/6/2015 20:00 - United States - Ventnor City

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22718

You deserved it

18963

Tweet

Share

By - 27/12/2019 20:00

Our anniversary

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2288

You deserved it

458

Tweet

Share

By Randiluck - 30/11/2012 01:00 - Canada

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19964

You deserved it

2676

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2012 19:30 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29659

You deserved it

4202

Tweet

Share

By guitar_chick7 - 20/8/2009 08:54 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22447

You deserved it

47797

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/5/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45047

You deserved it

3450

Tweet

Share

By Genius - 25/6/2019 14:00

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

I agree, your life sucks

693

You deserved it

1753

Tweet

Share

By nutfreak - 12/8/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52457

You deserved it

3609

Tweet

Share

By littleguy - 20/8/2009 15:55 - United States

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42637

You deserved it

19150

Tweet

Share

By NotTellingYouMyName - 28/11/2013 06:26 - United States - South Salem

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40674

You deserved it

3593

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 07:48 - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18519

You deserved it

29706

Tweet

Share

By waxer150 - 22/3/2015 22:32 - United States - Ashtabula

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27200

You deserved it

8586

Tweet

Share

By lydia - 1/7/2020 08:08

Like that's an excuse

Today, my mother screamed at me because she thinks I peed on the toilet seat. Not my dad, me. I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1285

You deserved it

112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/8/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14073

You deserved it

56626

Tweet

Share

By whitecollar - 5/12/2012 02:43 - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15004

You deserved it

33287

Tweet

Share

By wtf did I do - 2/3/2012 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26227

You deserved it

4414

Tweet

Share

By Bob H. - 26/10/2014 13:54 - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38438

You deserved it

5352

Tweet

Share

By yosenfal - 28/4/2012 01:04 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51177

You deserved it

4023

Tweet

Share

By sweet - 26/3/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91161

You deserved it

5378

Tweet

Share

By student414 - 10/1/2012 17:15 - Canada

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21111

You deserved it

30435

Tweet

Share

By jackson - 6/9/2010 17:02 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my sister and her husband pretending to make moaning sounds in the room next to mine. I began to make moaning sounds as well to fight back. It turns out the "moaning" was actually their dogs snoring down stairs. Breakfast was awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12075

You deserved it

38785

Tweet

Share

By never again - 30/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Bakersfield

A real orgasm

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2118

You deserved it

627

Tweet

Share

By Makala - 3/12/2011 08:15 - Egypt

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12140

You deserved it

35885

Tweet

Share

By Ouch - 15/8/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57443

You deserved it

11070

Tweet

Share

By secretpornstar - 13/6/2011 19:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51382

You deserved it

19299

Tweet

Share

By SofiMarti - 24/8/2019 00:02 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1634

You deserved it

204

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56449

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/3/2010 17:15 - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39414

You deserved it

10332

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By thisismyname_fml | 1

#18256 - Friday 6 March 2009 18:39

This could have just been his way of gauging your reaction. My fiance used to crack jokes like that all the time before he really proposed, because he wanted to see if I would get all freaked out that he said the "m" word. So maybe it was really a good thing?

By thefinalpie | 0

#139624 - Friday 24 April 2009 18:41

BEST....PROPOSAL......EVER

Comments

By mtp33557 | 0

#14677 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 19:48

We paid more taxes after marriage than before... if you both work.. you generally pay more

By thisismyname_fml | 1

#18256 - Friday 6 March 2009 18:39

This could have just been his way of gauging your reaction. My fiance used to crack jokes like that all the time before he really proposed, because he wanted to see if I would get all freaked out that he said the "m" word. So maybe it was really a good thing?

By sabrage | 0

#51013 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:35

Sounds reasonable.

By rainbowbob | 0

#57215 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 6:09

MY DICK HURTS!

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#68761 - Monday 30 March 2009 2:27

Sounds like a pretty well thought out proposal, did he also say that a ring would be a waste of money and that should go towards the kid, who you will raise in his mothers yard becuasae mortgage is a scam?

By subarchetta | 0

#91616 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 2:00

By the way you put it, I assume he was just kidding.

By courtgirl263 | 0

#117873 - Friday 17 April 2009 2:31

maybe he was nervous...

By thefinalpie | 0

#139624 - Friday 24 April 2009 18:41

BEST....PROPOSAL......EVER

Reply

WhatANoob | 0

#945118 - Sunday 14 March 2010 8:04

*EVAR

By collar50 | 0

#151310 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:37

Itemized deductions anybody? They're a hell of a lot easier and more cost effective (at least for the man) than a bad marriage.

By 24788 | 6

#163968 - Sunday 3 May 2009 8:55

Lol, he wants to benefits really bad.