Love: Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 252

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 123

06/11/2008 13:01

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 284

You deserved it 4 522

Leave us alone

Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

15/08/2011 05:00

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 588

You deserved it 35 628

23/02/2011 21:07

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 436

You deserved it 22 324

03/02/2016 15:44

Today, while on the tram with my friend, we ended up discussing religion. When we started talking about God, some guy asked us, in a serious tone, to "stop talking about me" because it was really starting to bother him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 659

You deserved it 2 446

15/04/2009 06:19

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 404

You deserved it 24 407

22/12/2011 12:04

Today, I found a wallet containing an ID card. I managed to track down the owner, who now is threatening to call the police if I don't return the 400 dollars that he insists were also in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 816

You deserved it 2 818

13/12/2009 10:12

Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 691

You deserved it 2 763

26/01/2015 15:21

Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 465

You deserved it 5 917

04/07/2016 09:46

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 659

You deserved it 1 105

Animal Farm

By Jaden Dubin - 31/07/2020 08:02

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 419

15/07/2011 22:21

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 747

You deserved it 3 232

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 14:00

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 187

01/08/2013 22:29

Today, I tried to give my husband a striptease for his birthday. I wound up tripping over my own panties and nearly dislocating my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 950

You deserved it 9 277

05/02/2011 00:05

Today, in the middle of the night, my fiancé started yelling gibberish in his sleep. When I tried to wake him, he punched me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 6 951

01/03/2015 06:05

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 099

You deserved it 3 578

28/01/2014 20:28

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 028

You deserved it 4 309

15/02/2013 04:30

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 509

You deserved it 9 172

04/12/2009 05:12

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38 and we're 18. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 705

You deserved it 3 226

Extreme response

By poordude - 03/04/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that our relationship and economic situation is stressing her out so much that she’d rather end her life or marry a rich dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 104

26/11/2009 14:19

Spicy

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 125

You deserved it 2 356

14/12/2016 20:59

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 932

You deserved it 702

01/11/2015 15:12

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 226

You deserved it 1 312

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16

Spicy

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 213

You deserved it 2 211

17/03/2015 07:46

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 168

You deserved it 22 797

08/01/2016 15:54

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 757

You deserved it 2 210

05/01/2010 20:16

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 037

You deserved it 36 450

18/04/2013 19:30

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 800

You deserved it 5 792

24/06/2013 18:39

Spicy

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 755

You deserved it 5 008

Seventh heaven

By Egyptian ToyBoy - 17/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable aggressive orgasm. I'd celebrate my efforts only if she didn't knock over my new expensive laptop, when then split in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 432

22/11/2010 11:33

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 3 952

21/06/2013 21:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 121

You deserved it 7 211

29/05/2012 17:52

Today, I discovered that as thanks for my successful efforts to increase my company's monthly revenue, my dumbass of a boss has been awarded a pay bonus. He's wasted no time telling everyone about the sports car he's planning to buy with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 205

You deserved it 1 928

05/08/2009 16:29

Spicy

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 097

You deserved it 64 922

18/09/2010 14:41

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 376

You deserved it 29 313

27/03/2013 08:00

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 879

You deserved it 5 973

23/06/2017 04:00

Today, I asked my friend to hand in my homework for me since I have tonsillitis. She thought it would be funny to draw a big heart on it with my teacher's name inside, which she then handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 122

You deserved it 587

12/06/2009 23:35

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 411

You deserved it 4 743

02/02/2017 21:00

Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school's alumni association for my recent passing. I'm still alive! FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 089

You deserved it 684

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 17:01

Today, at 2 a.m. I heard a noise coming from the living room. I thought somebody must be breaking in, so I had to save my cats. When I opened the door, all I could see was the only plant I owned, all over the room. The cats just greeted me with a friendly purr, like they were happy I was joining them in their sandbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 195

17/02/2015 20:02

Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 264

You deserved it 10 225

18/05/2016 20:09

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 337

You deserved it 1 273

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:18

parisians? he's obviously a dumbass.

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Sunday 22 March 2009 6:40

SuperRacist: Being superficial and racist at the same time. Case in point: claiming that one race is "hotter" than another.

Comments

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Friday 13 February 2009 16:16

Bullshit. French women are known for their ugliness.

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Saturday 7 March 2009 18:36

#10 --' Heeeyyy

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Tuesday 18 December 2012 9:13

YDI for being ugly

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Sunday 15 March 2009 7:03

I have lived in europe 3 years north america 3 , south 1, and 8 months in west asia, and 7 years in the middle east. I been around the world. trust me.. Lebanese women are the most beautiful in the world. the rest of the list is a mix and is up for debate. but lebanese, no Doubt. Trust me , i know. btw, i am NOT lebanese, so dont think i am biased.

herpderpherpderp 13

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Wednesday 12 December 2012 3:05

it's all subjective.

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Sunday 22 March 2009 6:40

SuperRacist: Being superficial and racist at the same time. Case in point: claiming that one race is "hotter" than another.

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Friday 5 August 2016 21:10

studies show that some races have on average more attractive people than others voted by an international audience and Sweden supposedly win on that but I think the "cute guy" was just trying to be a dick to her and made himself feel better because of his "brilliant" insult

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 5:18

parisians? he's obviously a dumbass.

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 17:46

he was probably being jokey :) why is this a FML? it's a compliment

FacesOfHumanity 14

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Tuesday 16 August 2016 3:17

I always think it is cool people say stuff like that, I'm from Arizona and I call us Arizonians because I think it is funny.

Boomi 38

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Wednesday 14 September 2016 16:40

Someone that dumb should have no influence on an opinion, especially on beauty and ugly. He has his head too far up his ass.

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Friday 27 March 2009 21:50

#8: The classical idea of race is based on visible phenotypes. People have no control over what physical attributes they find most attractive, and therefore should not be thought of as racist for finding physical features common to a certain "race" more attractive than others and by extension said race more attractive than others.

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Monday 30 March 2009 18:36

Dutch girls are so hot! im not dutch, dont worry..

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Tuesday 31 March 2009 20:35

I think American girls named Megan are hot! Bet you can't guess my name...

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Friday 19 November 2010 3:45

Your pic looks like a dude that had plastic surgery er sumtin so I'm gonna say....Max?

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Friday 25 February 2011 4:35

I'm gonna guess Fido..

lifeislife_fml 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 7:08

"Today, I'm a French girl in England" Lol, I thought this was the funniest thing ever.

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Wednesday 15 April 2009 15:10

today youre french,tomorrow you're what ?