Work: Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also...

By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

31222

You deserved it

3029

Favorite

Work

Dangling modifier

Instadrama

Season finale

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27725

You deserved it

7212

Favorite

By combo - France

Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8946

You deserved it

27436

Favorite

By sigh - Singapore - Singapore

Lovely parents

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2194

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By TheRunaway21 - United States

Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28255

You deserved it

5362

Favorite

By thenegatives - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39608

You deserved it

4305

Favorite

By thanks..?

Today, my dentist said I have a good tongue. That's the best compliment I've gotten in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2247

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33438

You deserved it

6644

Favorite

By OuttaNowhere81 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10556

You deserved it

73403

Favorite

By Daryll - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24163

You deserved it

4369

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at 2 in the morning, my water broke. I called my mom and woke her up to come watch our older kid, while my husband and I went to the hospital. After being tested at the hospital, I was told I had just peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46930

You deserved it

8958

Favorite

By tobuscus9412 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33023

You deserved it

3324

Favorite

By singlesummer - United States - Compton

Today, I was watching a movie alone, after receiving a text from my boyfriend saying that his grandma was at the hospital, so he couldn't go with me. I caught him on a date with another girl, at the same movie screening that I went to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41877

You deserved it

2562

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48458

You deserved it

3312

Favorite

By kikinemo - United States

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10919

You deserved it

43550

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3127

You deserved it

266

Favorite

By passedout

Today, I got my blood drawn for a donation and they didn't warn me that I was borderline anemic. I passed out in the middle of Walgreens and woke up to people just standing there, staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4493

You deserved it

460

Favorite

By blind eyes

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2425

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By areyouserious - United States - Fresno

Today, my older brother thinks typing out a Wikipedia article for an essay is not plagiarism, because he didn't "copy and paste" it. He's in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32888

You deserved it

2475

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Blue Christmas

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

843

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By bleredoshia - New Zealand

Smart kid

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29508

You deserved it

61875

Favorite

By Diana

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4751

You deserved it

349

Favorite

By tj - United States

Today, I had to confront my boyfriend after finding a girl's phone number next to my bed. He said I was over reacting. When I told him it was over, he asked for the number back so he could call her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34504

You deserved it

9045

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24840

You deserved it

1749

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35470

You deserved it

2624

Favorite

By rachaaaaeul - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30971

You deserved it

4003

Favorite

Glittery letters

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2095

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Bookworm - United Kingdom - Singapore

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52835

You deserved it

4377

Favorite

By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10484

You deserved it

29863

Favorite

By creepedout - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29917

You deserved it

2325

Favorite

By myparentsarehoes - Canada

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76096

You deserved it

5724

Favorite

By Luckless

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2135

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By living in the ugly treehouse - Australia

Today, while taking the bus home, a girl stared at me for a while before asking me if I'd ever heard of makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21453

You deserved it

1733

Favorite

By older - United States

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50802

You deserved it

2783

Favorite

By taxed - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32923

You deserved it

4920

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I reduced my psychologist to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47207

You deserved it

4386

Favorite

By annoyedwithkids - Canada

Today, I was baby sitting ten year old twins. When they first saw me, they ran away screaming and hid in the closet. This isn't the first house where this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33553

You deserved it

5385

Favorite

By thjeltz - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28811

You deserved it

3047

Favorite

By Funnymann - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46304

You deserved it

3875

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47067

You deserved it

2828

Favorite

By grossgross - United States

Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51443

You deserved it

5506

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cartedor | 18

#5311200 - Sunday 6 January 2013 11:45

Hey if they offer more money, take all your trade secrets with you to go the other side, make sure you do a good job to kill their business

By inestimable_fml | 8

#1819950 - Thursday 9 December 2010 17:45

He wants you to do corporate espionage :D

COMMENTS

By davidcassoa | 0

#123743 - Sunday 19 April 2009 4:59

props on pointing out the obvious

By SAF_fml | 0

#394842 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 8:15

props on having a hysterically and abnormally small penis david

By SAF_fml | 0

#418248 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 5:49

mens asses

By Synnie | 0

#579587 - Tuesday 22 September 2009 3:32

They'd probably send you right back.

By RatIsKing | 0

#613005 - Saturday 10 October 2009 5:17

either this is fake or your boss reads the funnies. I read this joke in a comic before

By zezjo | 3

#624640 - Saturday 17 October 2009 19:16

lol

By Boygenius50 | 8

#701522 - Thursday 3 December 2009 5:37

OMG I've totally read that comic before!!!!!

By Rishy | 0

#949352 - Monday 15 March 2010 10:45

Your boss reads crap

By ilovethatfreak | 0

#984237 - Saturday 24 April 2010 8:40

haha fail

By 666Broghan666 | 0

#1030119 - Monday 14 June 2010 9:35

Only 10 comments so far?