Work: Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when...

By Sam - Canada

Today, I did a barbecue. My boss won't believe me tomorrow when I tell him that the main pages of his 2-months work file helped make the best sausages I've ever done. FML

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16189

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Work

Understanding

Persona non grata

Wait, what?

By ZAnon - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

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37589

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By VoiceMail - Australia

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

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35152

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

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39074

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By FabFor87 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

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6611

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By geena - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

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28954

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By Dan - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

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33937

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5394

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By MrRadin - France

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

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21284

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By granny_panties - United States

Today, I was folding the laundry. At one point, I had to take a moment to figure out whether a pair of underwear was mine or my mothers. I'm 18. She is 56. Enough said. FML

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54391

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

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35553

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3567

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By JuniorDetective - United States

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

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47327

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 08:04

Make your minds up

Today, I was told I was negative for Covid, so I went to buy wine to celebrate. Two hours later, I got a call again, saying I was positive and placed under quarantine. FML

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1509

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By Chub - United States

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26035

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8609

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

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1490

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143

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By What did I do wrong? - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

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2812

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By her mom raised her - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

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43701

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By a cat named tiddles

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put it outside. Unhappy with the situation, it leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

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4309

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716

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By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3511

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328

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By Bleh - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

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228

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 02:04 - Australia

Online shopping

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo; a jockstrap and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

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427

You deserved it

1204

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 01:08 - United States - Cleveland

Grateful

Today, my mom made me shovel our long driveway, as it had just snowed a couple of inches. It took me two and half hours to finish. She came out and said, "Wow, is this really the best you can do?" FML

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844

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By - 27/2/2020 18:00

Not really a good idea

Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

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897

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By Anonymous - United States - San Ramon

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

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48281

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By BAMashleyx3

Today, my dad texted me while I was in the dentist's chair getting my teeth cleaned. The dental hygienist jumped at the notification sound my phone made and split my gum open. FML

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1818

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

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22893

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By elevatorjerk - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

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45588

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having a break up fight with my fiancée, she informed me that the paternity of our unborn child was in question because one of the other guys couldn't remember if he got off or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3344

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By Stiny - United States

Today, I got kneed in the stomach by a sixth grader. I couldn't breathe. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. FML

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32224

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By Kevin - France

Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML

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20288

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By xomelodygervais - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

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28810

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By s13495 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

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42961

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By I piss upon thee - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

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12889

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

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15266

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1308

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

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138217

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By Nightbird827

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

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21895

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Thanks for the support!

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

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1087

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206

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By klutz - Canada

Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30130

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By Dgama - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2543

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149

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By konacoffee17 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

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33570

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41331

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By RonnieG - United States - Orlando

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

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Top comments

By mister_moops | 0

#41143 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:07

MAN FUCK MY LIFE I JUST USED YOUR THINGS PURPOSELY FOR MY OWN BENEFIT

By 0 | 3

#2473 - Monday 16 February 2009 0:53

I don't get it. Why would you barbecue paper?

COMMENTS

By 0 | 3

#2473 - Monday 16 February 2009 0:53

I don't get it. Why would you barbecue paper?

Lancerman7449 | 0

#3125311 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:16

to make his boss angry? because there's no way he's just going to print out more copies lol

agsilver | 14

#5201655 - Friday 30 November 2012 16:47

He used the paper as a firestarter

By selfish_fml | 0

#5190 - Sunday 22 February 2009 6:01

I don't get it either. I'm sure he will believe you, and fire you.
Why would you do that? I'm confused..

thatonek1d | 0

#988175 - Tuesday 4 May 2010 7:22

why the hell did you use YOUR BOSS'S paper?!?!??!?!???

By BeautyAndBrains | 0

#8442 - Friday 27 February 2009 7:21

OMG people, he used the paper as FUEL, duh!

JBChristian | 46

#5015667 - Sunday 7 October 2012 21:41

Well #1 kinda sounds like they were thinking that op was trying to BBQ the paper. :/

By k_tumble | 0

#22858 - Monday 9 March 2009 5:46

I don't get it... explain.

poopycat | 5

#5553896 - Wednesday 26 June 2013 22:26

OP used the paper to help fuel the fore

By tbeaun | 0

#24049 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 9:06

FUCK YOU!

By mwg816 | 0

#37650 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 18:02

yeah...what's so fml about that? w/o much detail it looks like u did it on purpose...

By mister_moops | 0

#41143 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 23:07

MAN FUCK MY LIFE I JUST USED YOUR THINGS PURPOSELY FOR MY OWN BENEFIT

kittykat1501 | 31

#6351720 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:23

Ikr? The boss should be complaining

By thatguy0602 | 0

#56548 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 1:36

How is this an FML? You are a dumbass.

By Sharpe | 0

#64165 - Saturday 28 March 2009 5:07

#9, thats EXACTLY why it's a FML. You'd have to be a dumbass to do this.

By rab1015 | 0

#66663 - Sunday 29 March 2009 7:38

hahaha #4 beat me to it..i was gonna say the same thing

did a barbecue? come on