Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour,...

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

By Alan - 28/11/2014 15:53

Cynthia's illustrated FML

TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others...

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By Rizma / Thursday 27 November 2014 15:12 / France

Love

Workaholic

My body, my choice

Grow up

By no name - 22/6/2013 07:20 - United States - Gaylord

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46659

You deserved it

3816

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By Noname - 17/1/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, asking if I had left my underwear over at his place. No, no I didn't. They weren't mine. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30184

You deserved it

2095

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By C45 - 25/12/2009 20:27 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

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35493

You deserved it

2575

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By c.m.g. - 27/4/2011 10:50

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37045

You deserved it

3812

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By weirdthingtosay - 21/11/2014 09:56 - United States - Kalama

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39749

You deserved it

11808

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

For the life of him indeed

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

904

You deserved it

126

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By skippy_liz - 26/10/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

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29463

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8867

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By FMLdude - 18/8/2013 23:23 - Australia - Bexley

Scammed

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45144

You deserved it

4959

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By ShakenNotStirred - 11/11/2013 08:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38075

You deserved it

2467

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By katiekat - 5/1/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24886

You deserved it

12610

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By bitten - 15/5/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28963

You deserved it

2737

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By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2072

You deserved it

2047

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By artist - 29/3/2013 11:12 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36773

You deserved it

4500

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2010 15:01 - France

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

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9517

You deserved it

25641

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By confused - 27/2/2015 03:07 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

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35265

You deserved it

25855

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By cunting cuntface of a boss - 25/2/2014 20:42 - Australia

Today, I had to proofread a document my boss had written. When I pointed out that he spelled "college" as "collage" multiple times, he angrily accused me of trying to make him look stupid. This is the guy who constantly boasts about his "genius" IQ level to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42029

You deserved it

3446

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By Noname - 16/3/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41189

You deserved it

179403

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49034

You deserved it

9814

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

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26527

You deserved it

5214

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28837

You deserved it

3042

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By Ouch - 29/7/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46140

You deserved it

6781

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By bursteardrums - 16/8/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30259

You deserved it

11183

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By nmaidkieavg - 25/1/2011 06:13

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8384

You deserved it

55889

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By cheddar - 20/7/2011 22:17 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33306

You deserved it

2593

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By jdancerchick - 16/11/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31166

You deserved it

4689

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I got a haircut, and after thanking the stylist I went up front to pay. The lady behind the counter took one look at me, smiled and said "well, now you'll need a hat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28992

You deserved it

2688

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By Username - 6/1/2011 07:49

Today, I found the birthday card my grandma had mailed. Apparently, it contained a gift of $100. Too bad it was in my mom's trash can, opened, with no money. She told my grandma it must have gotten lost in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40443

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2455

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27542

You deserved it

2138

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By mysidesaresplitting - 14/12/2012 06:44 - United States - Oxford

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33309

You deserved it

2216

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By sicksicksick - 19/6/2013 17:23 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56500

You deserved it

3663

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By Rohirus - 7/6/2012 23:09 - Sweden

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26433

You deserved it

2519

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By Yocherrypicker - 29/7/2016 01:04

Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13122

You deserved it

5912

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By anon - 9/9/2013 21:51

Today, while working as a cashier, a really cute guy came up and said, "Hi Morgan". I freaked out and asked him how he knew my name. He then replied, "You have a name tag". FML

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36121

You deserved it

19481

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By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52003

You deserved it

7076

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2014 19:02 - United States - Converse

Today, like every day since my wife was prescribed antibiotics for an infection, I had to hide one of the pills inside her food, because she'd apparently rather fall seriously ill than swallow them like an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46684

You deserved it

4512

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, my boss fired me from my job at a local family-owned business. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39486

You deserved it

9278

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By wtf - 1/5/2015 22:57 - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35103

You deserved it

3166

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By notyourmummy - 12/11/2015 09:09 - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30682

You deserved it

3292

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By donutsex - 5/8/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53739

You deserved it

8929

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By Anonyme - 18/6/2011 01:25 - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

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12408

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46524

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Top comments

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6129085 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:37

Mind your own business, you nosey fucking fly!

By devildog562 | 33

#6129083 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:36

Trying to look sporty, that's a new phrase. Meh it's gross but so high in protein. It'll help you build up that sportiness

COMMENTS

By devildog562 | 33

#6129083 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:36

Trying to look sporty, that's a new phrase. Meh it's gross but so high in protein. It'll help you build up that sportiness

torrea | 19

#6665831 - Friday 5 August 2016 17:06

The op is from France, maybe that's a regular term they use... hmm

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6129085 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:37

Mind your own business, you nosey fucking fly!

ForNerdfighteria | 9

#6129231 - Thursday 27 November 2014 23:05

Ha. Nosey.

klaudia_ | 14

#6132206 - Monday 1 December 2014 21:09

I see what you did there my friend.

By watson1234 | 11

#6129086 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:37

There's flies in the cave!

DogeMan | 14

#6131564 - Monday 1 December 2014 4:29

IvyRizzzzoli | 25

#6135408 - Friday 5 December 2014 3:30

Stop before you hurt yourself

By jondillboy | 17

#6129092 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:41

Nailed it.

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6129093 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:41

Hasn't FML taught you never to show off?

Almost_Positive | 18

#6129141 - Thursday 27 November 2014 19:36

She's lucky as far as FML's go. It could've gone so much worse

MelTheGreat | 23

#6129209 - Thursday 27 November 2014 22:07

Not even if there's a fire.

sophiehelen | 32

#6129345 - Friday 28 November 2014 1:18

Love a good step brothers reference

By DenverTyrrell | 13

#6129095 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:45

Eww sorry OP :( good luck with impressing your neighbour!

sofaqueen_ | 14

#6129125 - Thursday 27 November 2014 19:22

I honestly thought that the square behind your head was your hair. But thank god it wasn't.

val_is_lame97 | 12

#6129152 - Thursday 27 November 2014 19:59

same haha

DenverTyrrell | 13

#6129237 - Thursday 27 November 2014 23:28

OMG HA HA HA it looks like it doesn't it :/ I need to change that

By woainishamu | 21

#6129096 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:46

Wanna fly away?

By CatLady4Lyf | 30

#6129097 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:47

If FML has taught me anything, it's to not try and impress someone by any means.

Mkm1997 | 20

#6136971 - Saturday 6 December 2014 19:09

Sad but true.

jazman195 | 20

#6141335 - Thursday 11 December 2014 16:55

^Metallica :D

mikuxxhatsune | 31

#6292106 - Saturday 16 May 2015 14:35

Especially if it includes sports

By val_is_lame97 | 12

#6129098 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:47

the fly was all like "oh trying to imrpess someone? let me fuck your shit up"

By euphoricness | 28

#6129100 - Thursday 27 November 2014 18:48

I guess the fly thought you were a bit snotty!