Kids: Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was... - FML

14/11/2008 04:16 - France

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 399

You deserved it 4 977

Batman

Commando

Empathy lives

Rat Race

By mcd - 05/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 59

31/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 535

You deserved it 5 006

03/05/2012 12:16 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 281

You deserved it 7 338

30/09/2014 18:48 - United States - North Andover

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 567

You deserved it 14 282

26/02/2018 17:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 327

You deserved it 362

02/03/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 6 714

24/06/2015 02:48 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 186

You deserved it 3 674

07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 212

You deserved it 3 651

26/08/2012 05:03 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 274

You deserved it 2 398

29/10/2009 14:27 - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 310

You deserved it 5 172

02/05/2011 01:05 - United States

Today, my mom told my abusive ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with 5 days ago, that he is always welcome at my house. She "misses him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 264

You deserved it 3 707

Not having a good time, really

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 02:00

Today, I not only woke up with yet another splitting headache, but I stubbed my toe and my desktop kept crashing. That wouldn't be too terrible if it wasn't the second day in a row of bad luck, which previously involved someone stealing my card info and buying gamer keys with it the day after I got paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 69

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By ygrowup2fast - 23/04/2020 17:00

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 267

Taking advantage

By Stigmamma - 28/06/2020 05:06

Today, after 3 months of my man claiming he's going to start eating better "next week", he finally went on a diet. What changed? I started eating healthy while trying for a baby. He is "supporting me" by getting me to do extra meal prep for him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 261

Sad news

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 11:01

Today, after years of crushing over my best friend, I finally got the guts to tell her about my feelings, only to find out she has been secretly dating my roommate. I could not have been more depressed. My whole life feels shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 241

25/03/2014 18:42 - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 3 805

13/02/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 719

You deserved it 7 918

12/08/2009 12:57 - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 160

You deserved it 3 123

18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 686

You deserved it 693

12/06/2015 02:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 799

You deserved it 2 748

27/03/2010 08:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 206

You deserved it 10 421

22/06/2011 13:31 - Australia

Today, I learned how to wolf-whistle properly, and then learned what it feels like to be slapped on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 710

You deserved it 35 879

18/02/2011 21:07 - Ireland

Today, I drove over 200km from Dublin to Galway, with a broken window. It rained for most of the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 199

You deserved it 5 674

26/04/2012 12:08 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 933

17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 800

You deserved it 5 961

Waze?

By lol - 28/10/2020 09:57

Today, while working as an Uber driver, I asked my passenger for directions and she didn’t know. She was going to her own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 566

14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 667

You deserved it 124

15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 407

You deserved it 3 856

26/04/2012 07:11 - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 961

You deserved it 4 366

Wuss

By scaredy cat - 09/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 139

27/04/2014 23:01 - United States - Plano

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 243

You deserved it 7 282

28/03/2009 03:16 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 495

You deserved it 9 761

11/06/2014 22:46 - United States - Russell Springs

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 451

You deserved it 5 717

17/12/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via the medium of free-style rapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 066

You deserved it 4 581

16/05/2017 19:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I got into a major fight with my parents over my younger brother stealing from me. Their response was to get angry at me for my "tone" with them. My brother is 18 with an obvious drug problem, but my tone is the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 182

You deserved it 266

09/09/2009 02:41 - Canada

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 506

You deserved it 20 328

21/07/2011 10:43 - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 713

You deserved it 4 582

09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 502

You deserved it 3 960

17/12/2009 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 057

You deserved it 37 166

Time is of the essence

By N/A - 26/05/2020 02:00

Today, my job offer from a Fortune 500 company was canceled because of the coronavirus. This is the third time this year a job I passed interviews and tests for got canceled. I’m an international student who just graduated last week. I only have 90 days to find a job to stay in the US. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 184

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Saturday 7 February 2009 12:09

Just tell him Santa isn't real. That'll shut him up.

DamnGoodTimes 0

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Monday 23 February 2009 5:47

Shoulda thrown your plate across the room, broke the chair over your head, and yelled at him, "WHO THE FUCK ISN'T PRETTY?!??!!"

Comments

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Saturday 7 February 2009 12:09

Just tell him Santa isn't real. That'll shut him up.

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Monday 10 August 2009 20:37

agreed. Tell him that santa isn't real, or even better - tell him that santa hates him. I hate children like that, they always end up turning into brats and bullies at school.

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Tuesday 20 April 2010 13:34

in soviet Russia, Santa is real!

Theatregeek788 0

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Tuesday 25 May 2010 2:44

LMAO!!! hahaaa

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 5:53

santas not real? :(

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Sunday 13 June 2010 20:15

he's 5. he doesn't know much

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Wednesday 28 August 2013 16:06

This comment deserves a reward.

Boomi 38

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Wednesday 14 September 2016 17:48

As well as ruin his childhood.

DamnGoodTimes 0

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Monday 23 February 2009 5:47

Shoulda thrown your plate across the room, broke the chair over your head, and yelled at him, "WHO THE FUCK ISN'T PRETTY?!??!!"

babygurl91695 2

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Friday 22 July 2011 12:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Sunday 4 August 2013 2:49

Why is a comment with a hashtag upvoted? Blasphemy, I say!

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Saturday 28 February 2009 0:13

Dude, why'd you narc on him?

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Thursday 20 August 2009 15:54

Thats what i was thinking

whoisthisgirl 4

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Saturday 23 October 2010 8:27

you apparently read it wrong

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Saturday 7 March 2009 10:54

Wtf. I never said anything like that when I was a little kid. I was taught these things called MANNERS.

ThatFunnyDude 3

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:50

and I ate these things called BANANNERS

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 2:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 14:23

Wtf!? The kid was at the table with them!! OP didn't tell on the kid. His mom heard him.

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Friday 21 October 2011 23:50

It's not getting back at a kid by having the mother tell him he was wrong. It's also not OP's place to tell another person's child off, especially if that person is right there and capable of telling her own kid.

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Thursday 19 March 2009 23:02

^exactly^ .deserved.

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Thursday 28 April 2011 3:29

it doesn't matter who says that you are not pretty or ugly it still hurts!! she don't deserve it you'd deserve t for thinking that!!

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Thursday 26 March 2009 23:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

whoisthisgirl 4

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Saturday 23 October 2010 8:25

... the kid was at the table with them. the mom heard it. no one ratted on him

night_ryder13 5

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Monday 19 December 2011 5:15

Why can't people just read the fml correctly?!

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Saturday 7 April 2012 3:05

Can you not read? It said he was at the table with them..

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Saturday 28 March 2009 0:51

lol that kid is my idol. you should have backhanded him though

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

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Thursday 2 April 2009 21:07

I probably would do the same thing. I don't give a rat's ass how old he is. It's still rude. >_>

Emmett_Luver_101 0

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Monday 13 April 2009 15:37

lmao to 1 and 2

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 29

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 457