Cats and Intimacy: Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little....

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 331

You deserved it 4 001

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 242

You deserved it 6 619

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 291

You deserved it 9 085

By Jake - 29/04/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 6 227

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 229

By Scared - 05/06/2012 00:54 - United States - Arlington

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 662

You deserved it 3 402

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 270

You deserved it 8 190

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 293

You deserved it 4 149

Excitation morning

By Anonymous - 14/11/2019 05:00

Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 694

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 094

You deserved it 38 829

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

Comments

i_is_a_tr00l 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:14

ME TOO! I would love too, too. ;-0

hershey098 0

Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:19

omg I peeed my pants I was laughing so hard

snagglepaste 0

Saturday 10 July 2010 7:15

Isn't that a compliment?

abcnonamecba 0

Thursday 12 August 2010 5:44

it would b if he wasn't an old mam

Tarak_fml 7

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:16

Epicly awesome

UnearthlyEnemy 9

Saturday 27 March 2010 9:21

So is the OP's name.

DJMAC7 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 6:01

haha if i were there id give that old man a hi five

killerpenguin4 9

Saturday 10 July 2010 3:50

epic win for the old man

dalink 24

Friday 18 January 2013 7:48

I hope I'm that quick-witted and perverted when I'm an old man.... Kinda like Lewis black.

123e3 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:17

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA

Bloodknight 22

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:21

OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!

RiskiBusiness 1

Thursday 27 January 2011 4:37

lol same here!!

RiskiBusiness 1

Friday 28 January 2011 11:14

lol same here!!

ghandilover25 3

Wednesday 16 May 2012 3:25

Know what I love... When people comment the same thing twice.

m3aghan 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:27

LOL!

FluxPavilion 6

Sunday 28 April 2013 19:23

That comment was so deep. Please tell your story again.

picturetaker 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:29

lolz, that would be awesome. I don't see how this is an FML.

metallica24x7 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 4:55

ur hot

Kingcc 0

Tuesday 10 May 2011 3:13

^veryy

FluxPavilion 6

Sunday 28 April 2013 19:24

Would you like to be ****** by an old man?:b

Erindub 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:29

Coolest old man EVER!

raineydayes 0

Sunday 28 March 2010 18:56

^^Agreed!!! One of the funniest old men too!

crazyarsedfly 14

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:33

Hahaha, awesome! Older people always come out with hilarious comments.

klimpomppp 9

Saturday 16 February 2013 21:10

You get a thumb up for cute/****** awesome profile pic

ohmygoodnex 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:41

Sorry, that was you? Oops.

tabasorus 0

Tuesday 7 December 2010 2:50

OMG NOODLE!!!!!!

lilkim222 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 23:43

lol that's soo creepy but funny at the same time. but it's not really a fml it's just a old man joking around

Keywords

Friends Love Awkward Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 249

The Top

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 734

You deserved it 2 494

Today, I was talking to my mom lamenting the fact that none of my few relationships seem to last longer than 2 months. She asked why and I said, "because I'm paranoid, obsessive compulsive, judgmental, defensive, and stubborn." Instead of encouraging me, she said, "Well, at least you're honest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 613

You deserved it 46 660

Today, I was watching The Walking Dead while in bed, when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I told myself I was just imagining things. Several hours later, as I was getting ready for sleep, I found out I'd actually been robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 173

You deserved it 6 902

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 88

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 011

You deserved it 179

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 862

You deserved it 14 206

Same thing different taste

Smack my bitch up

Excitation morning

Top comments

Comments