Love: Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling...

By fmlsrsly - 25/03/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 384

You deserved it 30 197

Love

Walk the line

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but…

Tradwife expectations

By annoyedgf - 11/07/2015 12:44

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend standing at the end of the bed staring at a large wet spot. Boy do I know how to pick 'em! FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 934

You deserved it 3 358

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 16:01 - United States - Port Townsend

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 11 972

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 446

You deserved it 1 831

By Anonymous - 15/11/2011 10:50 - United States

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 7 685

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 473

You deserved it 2 577

By Heww - 28/09/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 274

You deserved it 5 348

By Skittles - 13/08/2017 20:00

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 1 249

By Sica - 15/03/2012 19:28 - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 6 396

Respect

By it’s still cheating! - 05/09/2021 11:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 05:58

Today, while we were in a hotel, I got so drunk I apparently couldn't find my room, and passed out in the corridor. I woke up to see hotel staff calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 1 931

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 257

By Extravirgin - 16/12/2014 12:01 - Germany - Munich

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 622

You deserved it 8 244

By Dildno - 10/12/2016 08:48 - United States - Worcester

Today, I was using my iPad for a presentation. I locked it and left it connected to the projector while I prepared to present. When I turned around to begin, I realized there had been a push notification from Groupon asking if I was still interested in a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 213

You deserved it 3 623

By airborne - 06/05/2009 01:11 - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 115

You deserved it 17 572

Blabbermouth

By betray the betrayer - 10/10/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, after a lifetime of my mom being a huge gossip, even about her own kids, and lying about being the one spreading it around, my siblings and I have decided to stop telling my mom things. Now she lays these huge guilt trips on us, just because we don’t want the world to know our business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 80

By legwarmer - 31/12/2010 19:21 - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 482

You deserved it 6 517

By Anonymous - 27/04/2015 14:49 - United States - Apopka

Today, the guy I broke up with for not putting any effort into the relationship asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 971

You deserved it 6 995

By dumped and dusted - 13/07/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 213

You deserved it 1 941

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 103

By soapy - 01/10/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 024

You deserved it 8 915

By jcdc - 20/05/2012 15:03 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 374

You deserved it 8 778

By "Anti_Sora" - 24/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to turn in a final exam online. When I went to check if it had been submitted Blackboard told me it did. My grade told a different story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 132

By tara - 18/12/2015 17:49 - Switzerland - Zug

Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 924

You deserved it 1 888

By garlicbread - 26/11/2009 22:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 552

You deserved it 29 829

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 05:41 - Canada

Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 374

You deserved it 3 258

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 240

You deserved it 10 214

By anonymous - 09/09/2012 06:15 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 284

You deserved it 25 967

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 819

You deserved it 3 211

By "skinnydick" - 19/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 539

You deserved it 1 039

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 034

You deserved it 3 418

By Maruska28 - 07/09/2017 20:00

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 892

You deserved it 402

Always Google things before accepting

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 17:02

Today, after a coworker had invited me over for a "Mukbang" and I'd agreed, thinking it was just some sort of exotic delicacy, I found out that he expected me to eat like a million calories of food on camera for his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 446

By zero_minded12 - 21/05/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 786

You deserved it 71 001

Get out

By Leave me alone, bitch!!! - 20/11/2021 02:00

Today, I found out that my mother changed all the locks of the house and threw away all of my girlfriend's stuff. I don't know what the fuck happened there. I actually bought the house two years ago because I had enought of her being nosey and controlling with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 256

You deserved it 1 574

By Anonymous - 06/12/2016 20:14

Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 848

You deserved it 516

Knock out

By Anonymous - 25/02/2020 14:00

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 331

Nice try…

By Anonymous - 18/02/2015 18:06 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 454

You deserved it 64 164

Legal Eagle

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 05:01

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 2 413

Forever the bridesmaid

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 188

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Top comments

drybamboo 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:21

That was a bit selfish of you. There are such things as allergy medicine. To some people, their pets are like their children. And for you to make such an ultimatum is an asshole move. Good job.

jesslackszazz 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:19

To be honest, i'd choose the cat as well.

Venged_Kitty 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:16

Cat: 1 You: Haw

Bl4ck_1c3 2

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 18:25

did you not notice he was alergic to his girlfriends pussy?

crazykunuklildoo 0

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Saturday 7 August 2010 4:05

your girlfriend must love her pussy

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

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Friday 17 September 2010 2:16

Stupid they always chose the cat YDI never ask a me or the cat or anything else.

love_lucy 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:17

but why would she choose you over her pet? you wouldnt be abandoned alone on the street if she hadnt picked you; the cat would sorry about the breakup though

Macromartyr 3

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Wednesday 28 April 2010 19:48

You still can't expect someone to give up their pet for you. Pets are family, I would have ditched you.

Macromartyr 3

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Tuesday 11 January 2011 9:16

Jeez I read too many FML if I come across my old comments...

cupcakechick 17

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Monday 18 March 2013 20:36

because they've been together for 2 years

jesslackszazz 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:19

To be honest, i'd choose the cat as well.

rcd622 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:20

dude what were u hoping for u ever think that you just dont go to her house? YDI!

DarkSaul 20

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Sunday 21 August 2011 4:10

How the fuck he deserve it

Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH 7

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Tuesday 8 May 2012 6:49

They might live together? :o

SpamPam 18

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Monday 25 August 2014 20:47

By trying to make her choose over what she loves

ladyx_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:21

my ex did the same thing...we were together for over 4 years. he had the cat for a year and a half.

drybamboo 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:21

That was a bit selfish of you. There are such things as allergy medicine. To some people, their pets are like their children. And for you to make such an ultimatum is an asshole move. Good job.

MrForgetable 0

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Sunday 7 October 2012 3:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

jpsullivan 36

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Sunday 6 July 2014 17:32

I'm horribly allergic to cats and there are ways around it. Giving her an ultimatum like that is just emotionally abusive.

StolenKnight 7

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Monday 7 July 2014 4:46

I have severe cat allergies and I have tried every medicine in the book but it's still unbearable any time I'm near a cat I can't see and can hardly breathe, so I'm on the OP's side 100%

KrazyKatz3 26

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Tuesday 15 August 2017 22:38

If I take allergy medicine and my inhaler I'm okay. There was a better way to approach that

marz88 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:21

Never make a woman choose between her pet and you. You never win

natsaysheyyy 16

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Sunday 9 December 2012 10:24

That is TRUE. I'd pick my dog every time.

summerguy97 16

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Sunday 5 May 2013 8:07

Never make ANYONE an ultimatum regarding their pets.

Freudian_Slip 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:22

If she left you for a cat she wasn't worth it IMO.

Tehalon 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:23

If i had to chose besides a cat and a girl because the girl wants me to then i pick the cat even if im allergic to cats! YDI for making her chose you selfish bastard!