Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking... - FML

By kha - 24/3/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58203

You deserved it

15070

Tweet

Share

True hero

Keep the peace

Trip Advisor says no

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42605

You deserved it

6088

Tweet

Share

By joi9496 - 1/1/2018 01:30

Today, at age 23, I met my absentee father. He went on about how much he missed me and wanted to know more about me. He then asked if I knew where he could get some good weed, and said he'd share it to make up for all the missed birthdays and Christmases. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5187

You deserved it

392

Tweet

Share

By ohno. - 19/8/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44321

You deserved it

5658

Tweet

Share

By Fatty - 6/5/2009 15:04 - United States

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21514

You deserved it

41438

Tweet

Share

By blah - 2/6/2020 23:00

Exercise One

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2062

You deserved it

365

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24131

You deserved it

51498

Tweet

Share

By hatemebeforetheyevenhatch - 24/2/2015 00:08 - United Kingdom - Clydebank

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33625

You deserved it

5745

Tweet

Share

By Tal - 26/4/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68543

You deserved it

9464

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/2/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53225

You deserved it

4159

Tweet

Share

By CoffeeBoy - 6/11/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32953

You deserved it

6437

Tweet

Share

By Vampprobs - 25/3/2014 01:52 - United States - Skandia

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42024

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2009 11:33 - Romania

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44532

You deserved it

8899

Tweet

Share

By Bechara - 13/6/2011 09:11 - Pakistan

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62417

You deserved it

4497

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9839

You deserved it

48113

Tweet

Share

By chubrubber - 4/9/2016 18:57 - United States - Bronx

Today, I participated in a walk for charity. Even though I was supposed to walk 5K, I stopped after 3K because the pain from my thighs rubbing together nearly sent me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10936

You deserved it

2326

Tweet

Share

By FlatTire - 13/2/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13952

You deserved it

19430

Tweet

Share

By milkysubstance - 14/3/2017 05:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5015

You deserved it

478

Tweet

Share

By ruvru - 10/4/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56580

You deserved it

4105

Tweet

Share

By Hesintrouble - 23/7/2013 19:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64864

You deserved it

4306

Tweet

Share

By missbutthole - 4/6/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34587

You deserved it

3862

Tweet

Share

By Coaldust - 3/1/2017 02:02

Today, my niece stole a bottle of whiskey from me to mix with Monster and get drunk with her boyfriend. It was a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle's that cost over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9436

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1931

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/6/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26764

You deserved it

3210

Tweet

Share

By Username - 26/4/2011 19:11 - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

17880

You deserved it

40135

Tweet

Share

By e.middlechild - 13/6/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55320

You deserved it

3692

Tweet

Share

By cacheson - 5/6/2020 23:00

The Good Fight

Today, my husband and roommate went out to protest for the second day in a row. I have an anxiety disorder, so I can't go. I’m just stuck here watching videos of the fires and violence, wondering if they will even come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1276

You deserved it

533

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15445

You deserved it

50832

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

I agree, your life sucks

28025

You deserved it

3821

Tweet

Share

By stillloverher - 19/9/2017 23:45

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6035

You deserved it

478

Tweet

Share

By oface13 - 16/4/2012 08:12 - United States

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54071

You deserved it

5875

Tweet

Share

By mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn - 3/9/2012 08:39 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26952

You deserved it

2194

Tweet

Share

By i suck, this i know :( - 26/7/2013 22:11 - Malawi - Blantyre

Today, I went to my father for advice. I've been seeing a wonderful girl for the past month, and I feel terrible about it, because I already have a girlfriend. He said "Kill yourself" and that if I "can't even do that right" then to get out of his house, because he disowns me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31091

You deserved it

71476

Tweet

Share

By 16isntsweet - 20/8/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66813

You deserved it

6026

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/8/2014 11:27 - United States - Cortland

Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39826

You deserved it

3816

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 03:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19805

You deserved it

5749

Tweet

Share

By brelni - 28/11/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24092

You deserved it

4738

Tweet

Share

By amilia - 7/11/2018 12:00

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3233

You deserved it

298

Tweet

Share

By Dani - 24/1/2012 05:23 - Australia

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13262

You deserved it

26623

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2013 16:20 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52669

You deserved it

4879

Tweet

Share

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/7/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced." and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25572

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By Andrew - 30/10/2012 06:08 - United States - Monroe

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12894

You deserved it

46341

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#55794 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:42

Haha a similar experience happened to me...my 7-year-old brother decided as a joke to walk in on my grandma taking a bath. He walks out about a minute later with the most solemn expression ever and goes, "Kate, Grandma's boobs are melting."

By TheAntiComment | 0

#55725 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:14

damn, see if you can hook me up with her

I want that number

COMMENTS

By crashdevil666 | 0

#55700 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:10

lol, did you washed your eyes?

and YUCK

By fosizzlemynizzlE | 0

#55704 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:10

bum chicka wow wow

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1468898 - Tuesday 28 September 2010 9:44

u forgot the other chicka wow wow

Reply

ZeroIce | 12

#4677064 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 20:55

Its bow chicka bow bow

By O_W_N_E_D | 0

#55710 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

RA CHA CHAAAAAAAAA!!!! GILF?

By xgbladerryo | 0

#55719 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:12

I would have burn my eyes right after dude.

By TheAntiComment | 0

#55725 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:14

damn, see if you can hook me up with her

I want that number

By JackTheRipper_fml | 0

#55727 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:15

i bet shes easy on the eyes and in bed

By zach2519 | 0

#55728 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:15

You should be arrested for breaking and entering.

Reply

thatguy326 | 0

#3415531 - Tuesday 11 October 2011 1:33

Your fucking dumb

Reply

TheTerenity | 9

#4306138 - Sunday 15 April 2012 2:53

It's her Grandparents House, not someone random, so technically, in a form of way, it was okay.

Reply

dotalover | 15

#5809991 - Monday 30 December 2014 10:35

1 word 'blonde'

Reply

katieemerr | 15

#5976901 - Monday 16 June 2014 1:02

#65 I'm not a grammar nazi but as seen as you're calling someone dumb...

You're *

By Shadowflames420 | 0

#55775 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:33

LMAO @ 9. I < 3 you. Will you have my babies?

By Angel_Cult | 0

#55791 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:41

ow thats brutal

By hootersgirl09 | 0

#55794 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:42

Haha a similar experience happened to me...my 7-year-old brother decided as a joke to walk in on my grandma taking a bath. He walks out about a minute later with the most solemn expression ever and goes, "Kate, Grandma's boobs are melting."

Reply

dabomblyktiktikk | 0

#985662 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 4:26

AHAHAHAHAHA tell yer bro some random 13 yr old qirl on the net loves him :]