Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

by wowimdumb / 01/29/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

by fudgydiaper22 / 01/29/2011 at 7:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

theblackhannah's comment : wow..gain some weight?

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Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

by anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 7:41am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, while trying to act sober in front of my parents when I got home, I threw up on my mom's shoe. FML

by awkward drunk / 01/29/2011 at 7:40am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 6:55am / Canada (British Columbia) / Geek

Today, I went to see the "Cirque du Soleil" at the Albert Hall. It was amazing, apparently. Of course I wouldn't know, because I left my glasses at the hotel, and was sitting at the very back row. FML

by blind / 01/29/2011 at 6:43am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 3:09am / France / Animals

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw and wearing hockey masks. FML

by unlucky dudebag / 01/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

by FamilySecret / 01/29/2011 at 1:55am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got home from my holidays to find my flatmate has moved his girlfriend in without asking me. Not only does she walk around naked, she has also redecorated the rooms. FML

by iluvpeanutbutter / 01/29/2011 at 1:13am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

by Poopie / 01/29/2011 at 1:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

by Username / 01/29/2011 at 12:15am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

by Mervin22 / 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health