Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

by tb351 / 05/28/2011 at 7:37pm / United States / Kids

alipod's comment : why you did't look at the mirror before going to work?!

See all the comments

Today, I worked up the courage to confess my feelings to this girl I'm crazy about. I even wrote and recorded a song for her. Instead of listening to it, she gave it to her ex boyfriend who responded to my heartfelt words by headbutting me. FML

by StratMan / 05/28/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

by mperh / 05/28/2011 at 8:46am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

by dancer_2014 / 05/28/2011 at 8:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love

myxcure's comment : You didn't take your purse with you?

See all the comments

Today, I got so stressed about my upcoming final exams that, in the silent section of the library, I had a panic attack and almost passed out. No one helped me. 3 people shushed me. FML

by justletitbeover / 05/28/2011 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

by redhanded / 05/28/2011 at 5:24am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

UnearthlyEnemy's comment : lol

See all the comments

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

by fedemere / 05/28/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

by epicfail / 05/28/2011 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Health

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

by Fuckit / 05/28/2011 at 1:51am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

by greenhide8 / 05/28/2011 at 1:27am / United States (North Dakota) / Money

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

by Imaman / 05/28/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

by valerie / 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Health