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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

#13045440
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28569) - you deserved it (6688)

On 09/14/2010 at 3:57am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

#13045293
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30382) - you deserved it (9997)

On 09/14/2010 at 3:27am - love - by tickyette (woman) - United States

Today, I met a new guy at work who would not stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me he was her husband. FML

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

#13042004
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24090) - you deserved it (4460)

On 09/13/2010 at 10:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

#13041055
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25848) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/13/2010 at 10:00pm - misc - by IHateMyJob - United States

Today, for the first time, I decided to just be myself at work. My boss thought I was drunk. FML

#13038622
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (6163)

On 09/13/2010 at 7:40pm - work - by Drunk - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

#13038261
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34705) - you deserved it (2677)

On 09/13/2010 at 7:19pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

#13037540
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39142) - you deserved it (4195)

On 09/13/2010 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML

#13036561
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23730) - you deserved it (12454)

On 09/13/2010 at 4:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23330) - you deserved it (5982)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

#13034308
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27429) - you deserved it (2766)

On 09/13/2010 at 12:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

#13033925
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36677) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/13/2010 at 11:14am - misc - by dmvsucks (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

#13033071
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30494) - you deserved it (8104)

On 09/13/2010 at 9:24am - intimacy - by GonnaBeLonley2night - United States (Texas)



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