Holidays: Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years.... - FML

By Dale - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

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Sorry…

And today, on Dr Phil…

Thanks, I hate it

By Frenchgirl - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

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By unemployed

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

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By ughhhh - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML

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By izzy

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

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By happyeffingbday202 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday. Needless to say, I was delighted when my friends presented me with a birthday card in a homeroom. I pretended to be surprised and exclaimed, "Aw, you guys really shouldn't have!" They didn't. It was our teacher's birthday. They just wanted me to sign the card. FML

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By Tooth Fairy - United States - Hays

Today, I broke a tooth. It’s Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can’t drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it’s going to be a long weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

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By eenkoekje

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

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By bryans_fresh - United States

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

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By loserllamalick - United States - Rochester

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

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By Derpina - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

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By Flopera

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

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By madison77 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

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By dannyboy1422 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, I was home alone and it started to rain. It hadn't rained in days so I went out on my balcony and ran around. I felt great until I realized that my door had been swung shut because of the wind, and it had no handle. I had to wait outside in the rain for two hours. FML

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By MaudlinMasters - 5/1/2021 02:01

Things can only get better

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

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By workerbee - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

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By M.SHUKRI - United States - Round Lake

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

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By riahta - United States

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

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By jogginglikeitsmyjob - United States - Boston

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

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By Pukey - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

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By needanotherbed - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

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By Yasha cohen - 30/11/2020 11:01

Shoe gang rise up

Today, right after preparing a gourmet plate of dry-aged steak with freshly cooked mashed potatoes, I stepped on my son's Lego and dropped my plate. I stood there for 5 minutes, crying. FML

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By mandapanda - United States

Today, as I was driving to work in the aftermath of a terrible blizzard that came through my area last night, a lady slid through an intersection and hit my car, totaling it. I called my boss and told her what happened, only to have her tell me that we were closed due bad roads. No one told me. FML

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By niiiiiiiiiikki - United States

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

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By only1bigdogme - United States

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

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By zaneey - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

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By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

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By ihatepizza - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Ungrateful

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

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By biggieT - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

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By seriously? - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was trying to explain to my mom that I've been having panic attacks. I ended up having a panic attack from talking about having a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2021 11:01 - Sweden - Skellefte?

No end in sight

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

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By sandysmith - United States

Today, my boyfriend was at my house to hang out. When he was leaving I thought it would be cute to run and jump on him to say goodbye. He fell and hit his head. He is now in the hospital with a concussion. FML

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Top comments

By amelinat | 0

#4866 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:36

I dont know whats worse, the injury, the money lost or the holiday cut short.
You poor lad I hate it for you.

By nobody_special | 0

#4824 - Saturday 21 February 2009 10:31

travel by car next time? that sucks, though :(

COMMENTS

By nobody_special | 0

#4824 - Saturday 21 February 2009 10:31

travel by car next time? that sucks, though :(

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1129076 - Friday 23 July 2010 17:05

ydi for not taking a vacation in five years. you also deserved it for just going for two days.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#3167962 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:07

No he HAD TO go home tomorrow smart one

Reply

Anti_Sora | 31

#6425984 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:17

31, it was for the week.

By amelinat | 0

#4866 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:36

I dont know whats worse, the injury, the money lost or the holiday cut short.
You poor lad I hate it for you.

By folieadeux | 0

#4882 - Saturday 21 February 2009 16:25

I think it's stupid to let a broken leg ruin your vacation. Yeah, it sucks but dont let it ruin your trip!. I enjoyed Ireland while being terribly sick.

By SarahHach | 0

#4887 - Saturday 21 February 2009 16:48

Aw, it least it wasn't the first day that you fell off, then you would have had a super shitty vacation. Kinda like when I twisted my ankle the first day I was staying in Cape Cod for a week. >>

By whatev09 | 0

#4896 - Saturday 21 February 2009 17:56

Awh..

Man, reading all these makes me real sad.
xD

By guy47 | 0

#4930 - Saturday 21 February 2009 20:55

I'm sorry... that blows.

By carriealana | 0

#4938 - Saturday 21 February 2009 21:10

AHHHHHH D: that sucks so hard and it was painful just reading it

By red_apples | 0

#5054 - Sunday 22 February 2009 1:42

Guys, I don't think it's considered a vacation anymore.
Considering that he arrived today and is leaving tomorrow without getting the money back from the non refundable hotel:O.

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#5150 - Sunday 22 February 2009 4:56

Toby Flenderson?

By AliSama | 17

#5156 - Sunday 22 February 2009 5:09

costa rica is the usa, you can sue! be american! lol. seriosly, potholes are a hazard which the city is responsible for. you may be able to get your hotel compensated for and medical care.

Reply

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6080820 - Saturday 4 October 2014 12:58

Costa Rica isnt in the USA, it's in central America.