Holidays: Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years.... - FML

By Dale - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

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TMI

Breaking Badly

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

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By methane overload - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

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By angkal2002 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had an anxiety attack just from thinking about appearing on TV and being watched by a real audience. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a large number of people at my office don't realize that if the door to a stall is locked, it's occupied. While I can somewhat deal with people needlessly asking if it's occupied, what I can't deal with is someone looking over the stall to check. FML

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By kaichennnxx - United States

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

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By Lunab123 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

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By hugadyle - 18/4/2020 14:00

Getting some action

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

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By qwerty - United States

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

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By auslander - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

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By Math_Rocker - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

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By beepbeep

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

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By 50love - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked over to his friends. I saw him tell them that he broke up with me. After he finished all of them cheered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

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By ohai95 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

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By Blue - France

Today, I bought myself an MP3 player. Later, I was laying in bed, listening to music and eating a bowl of cereal, when I went to move the bowl of cereal on the bedside table for some shut eye. I dropped my MP3 player into the leftover milk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Iola

Today, a week after moving into my new house, I'm seriously considering suing the previous occupant. He failed to mention how the neighbor has his own band and rehearses every other day until 2am. Their music is so bad, it sounds like the wailing of a cat being tortured to death. FML

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By someoneelsessaliva - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

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By justafriend

Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML

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By notmycircus - United States - Cincinnati

Today, the school counselor asked me to leave the grief counseling group for the death of my sister. Apparently, I scare the others. FML

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By fml9124 - 19/2/2021 19:58

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

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By BagelShmear - United States

Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

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By M_Kclift1994 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By coinoperatedgirl - United States

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

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By "pixie_pix13"

Back to work

Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store I threw my hands up and yelled "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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By Anonymous - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

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By jibberish - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

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By Forever sad - United States

Today, I learned that my mother might not live much longer. My boyfriend, instead of showing compassion asked me, "We're still having video chat sex, right?" FML

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By Clutz - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 00:30 - United States - Decatur

Bullshit merchants in the temple

Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML

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By hangman - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

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By Carrie - 23/2/2021 21:30

Bad boy!

Today, I was enjoying my dinner by my patio window when I spotted a cat roaming through my backyard. As I observed it explore my yard, I also watched as it climbed onto, then took a piss on the freshly clean clothes I had left to dry. FML

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By holycommander - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

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Top comments

By amelinat | 0

#4866 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:36

I dont know whats worse, the injury, the money lost or the holiday cut short.
You poor lad I hate it for you.

By nobody_special | 0

#4824 - Saturday 21 February 2009 10:31

travel by car next time? that sucks, though :(

COMMENTS

By nobody_special | 0

#4824 - Saturday 21 February 2009 10:31

travel by car next time? that sucks, though :(

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1129076 - Friday 23 July 2010 17:05

ydi for not taking a vacation in five years. you also deserved it for just going for two days.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#3167962 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:07

No he HAD TO go home tomorrow smart one

Reply

Anti_Sora | 31

#6425984 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:17

31, it was for the week.

By amelinat | 0

#4866 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:36

I dont know whats worse, the injury, the money lost or the holiday cut short.
You poor lad I hate it for you.

By folieadeux | 0

#4882 - Saturday 21 February 2009 16:25

I think it's stupid to let a broken leg ruin your vacation. Yeah, it sucks but dont let it ruin your trip!. I enjoyed Ireland while being terribly sick.

By SarahHach | 0

#4887 - Saturday 21 February 2009 16:48

Aw, it least it wasn't the first day that you fell off, then you would have had a super shitty vacation. Kinda like when I twisted my ankle the first day I was staying in Cape Cod for a week. >>

By whatev09 | 0

#4896 - Saturday 21 February 2009 17:56

Awh..

Man, reading all these makes me real sad.
xD

By guy47 | 0

#4930 - Saturday 21 February 2009 20:55

I'm sorry... that blows.

By carriealana | 0

#4938 - Saturday 21 February 2009 21:10

AHHHHHH D: that sucks so hard and it was painful just reading it

By red_apples | 0

#5054 - Sunday 22 February 2009 1:42

Guys, I don't think it's considered a vacation anymore.
Considering that he arrived today and is leaving tomorrow without getting the money back from the non refundable hotel:O.

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#5150 - Sunday 22 February 2009 4:56

Toby Flenderson?

By AliSama | 17

#5156 - Sunday 22 February 2009 5:09

costa rica is the usa, you can sue! be american! lol. seriosly, potholes are a hazard which the city is responsible for. you may be able to get your hotel compensated for and medical care.

Reply

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6080820 - Saturday 4 October 2014 12:58

Costa Rica isnt in the USA, it's in central America.