Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years.... - FML

By Dale - 21/2/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47392

You deserved it

4141

Tweet

Share

Family values

Dangling modifier

Tense

By loser - 19/6/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33275

You deserved it

8295

Tweet

Share

By Italian_Stallion - 16/2/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas' voice coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14074

You deserved it

68080

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57809

You deserved it

8356

Tweet

Share

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2212

You deserved it

1203

Tweet

Share

By gfg - 16/3/2009 18:48 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

173265

You deserved it

24502

Tweet

Share

By disgusting - 31/5/2015 09:13 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29547

You deserved it

2867

Tweet

Share

By NoConfusion - 14/9/2014 12:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend told me that the necklace I gave her wasn't a "unique enough gift." I spent two weeks making that necklace, link by link. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48600

You deserved it

3329

Tweet

Share

By Fefrank - 25/3/2019 00:00

I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. Today I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1532

You deserved it

926

Tweet

Share

By Jill - 15/6/2013 04:19 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53241

You deserved it

22648

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2018 01:30

Today, the only parking spot available at the supermarket had some shopping carts in it, so I got out of my car and moved them. As soon as I finished, a lady stole the spot. When I confronted her, she maced me with pepper spray and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5147

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/4/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35760

You deserved it

3721

Tweet

Share

By Jake - 2/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39403

You deserved it

2771

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/2/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28417

You deserved it

2389

Tweet

Share

By ToddesPizza - 20/8/2015 01:00 - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20524

You deserved it

11542

Tweet

Share

By bridalqueen - 24/3/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71041

You deserved it

7435

Tweet

Share

By unlucky - 16/12/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I went with my sister to her company Christmas party. They had a gift raffle, my number was called and I won $25 for a local restaurant. A few moments later, the manager came over and said, "You don't work here? You can't have that" and took it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30408

You deserved it

7106

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30579

You deserved it

8378

Tweet

Share

By fuck my eyeballs - 1/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49010

You deserved it

22158

Tweet

Share

By - 27/3/2019 06:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2089

You deserved it

306

Tweet

Share

By scalmon - 13/5/2011 17:08 - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13320

You deserved it

67210

Tweet

Share

By bloodshedblack - 21/2/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I received more affection from my wife in a video game than I ever have in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26368

You deserved it

4359

Tweet

Share

By littlegirl - 7/5/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20508

You deserved it

45135

Tweet

Share

By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60618

You deserved it

8837

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 04:01 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Unaware ableist

Today, I sat outside for a half hour hysterically laughing at this kid next door for constantly mooing like a cow. My mum came out to inform me the kid is severely disabled. I even mooed back at one stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

619

You deserved it

1900

Tweet

Share

By Mark - 9/9/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, a car backed into mine. I thought that was pretty bad, until another car backed into me right after I'd finished taking the first guy's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31277

You deserved it

2173

Tweet

Share

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9141

You deserved it

882

Tweet

Share

By lovehurts - 14/10/2013 16:02 - United States - Wayne

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53658

You deserved it

6107

Tweet

Share

By Mark - 6/1/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27962

You deserved it

4283

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39276

You deserved it

7652

Tweet

Share

By BilletsDoudous - 15/1/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33335

You deserved it

3339

Tweet

Share

By singlesoon - 25/8/2009 04:26 - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40625

You deserved it

7101

Tweet

Share

By ManderDander - 5/9/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26780

You deserved it

8116

Tweet

Share

By Tee - 10/11/2009 02:20 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29949

You deserved it

5389

Tweet

Share

By JoshuaRob - 3/3/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23103

You deserved it

7991

Tweet

Share

By gothchick201013 - 9/9/2016 18:43 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dog kept barking at the door, and I jokingly shouted, "Language!" My mom heard and grounded me for yelling at the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11958

You deserved it

1099

Tweet

Share

By Wobblefat - 14/12/2016 13:16

Today, I was watching porn when I found a lookalike of my soon-to-be sister-in-law. She's attractive, so I enjoyed watching her getting it on by herself. Needless to say I did not finish as I saw another "lookalike" entering the room. I have now seen my brothers erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11829

You deserved it

4269

Tweet

Share

By Hard in flip flops - 21/1/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5743

You deserved it

4564

Tweet

Share

By busted - 25/9/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43742

You deserved it

3244

Tweet

Share

By Liav - 23/1/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5761

You deserved it

1642

Tweet

Share

By glitterzebra - 9/10/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26178

You deserved it

13352

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By amelinat | 0

#4866 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:36

I dont know whats worse, the injury, the money lost or the holiday cut short.
You poor lad I hate it for you.

By nobody_special | 0

#4824 - Saturday 21 February 2009 10:31

travel by car next time? that sucks, though :(

COMMENTS

By nobody_special | 0

#4824 - Saturday 21 February 2009 10:31

travel by car next time? that sucks, though :(

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1129076 - Friday 23 July 2010 17:05

ydi for not taking a vacation in five years. you also deserved it for just going for two days.

Reply

TeeHee124 | 0

#3167962 - Tuesday 23 August 2011 21:07

No he HAD TO go home tomorrow smart one

Reply

Anti_Sora | 31

#6425984 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:17

31, it was for the week.

By amelinat | 0

#4866 - Saturday 21 February 2009 14:36

I dont know whats worse, the injury, the money lost or the holiday cut short.
You poor lad I hate it for you.

By folieadeux | 0

#4882 - Saturday 21 February 2009 16:25

I think it's stupid to let a broken leg ruin your vacation. Yeah, it sucks but dont let it ruin your trip!. I enjoyed Ireland while being terribly sick.

By SarahHach | 0

#4887 - Saturday 21 February 2009 16:48

Aw, it least it wasn't the first day that you fell off, then you would have had a super shitty vacation. Kinda like when I twisted my ankle the first day I was staying in Cape Cod for a week. >>

By whatev09 | 0

#4896 - Saturday 21 February 2009 17:56

Awh..

Man, reading all these makes me real sad.
xD

By guy47 | 0

#4930 - Saturday 21 February 2009 20:55

I'm sorry... that blows.

By carriealana | 0

#4938 - Saturday 21 February 2009 21:10

AHHHHHH D: that sucks so hard and it was painful just reading it

By red_apples | 0

#5054 - Sunday 22 February 2009 1:42

Guys, I don't think it's considered a vacation anymore.
Considering that he arrived today and is leaving tomorrow without getting the money back from the non refundable hotel:O.

By ZING_MASTER | 0

#5150 - Sunday 22 February 2009 4:56

Toby Flenderson?

By AliSama | 17

#5156 - Sunday 22 February 2009 5:09

costa rica is the usa, you can sue! be american! lol. seriosly, potholes are a hazard which the city is responsible for. you may be able to get your hotel compensated for and medical care.

Reply

thefmlman2011 | 34

#6080820 - Saturday 4 October 2014 12:58

Costa Rica isnt in the USA, it's in central America.