Health: Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After...

By trackgurl - 21/02/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 648

You deserved it 2 966

Health

This Charming Man

Too Much Information

I'm late… for business!

By will3000 - 12/01/2011 13:28

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 4 222

By Anonymous - 01/06/2010 09:18 - United States

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 177

You deserved it 130 526

By LexS12 - 30/04/2017 04:00

Today, at the age of 21, I've been diagnosed with arthritis in my knees. There goes my volleyball career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 595

You deserved it 375

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 802

You deserved it 7 654

By EOJ - 10/02/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 907

You deserved it 55 150

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 697

You deserved it 4 863

By Johnny - 19/12/2012 23:33 - United States - Memphis

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 367

You deserved it 8 685

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 17:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I failed my driving test. I've been a legal driver in my home country for 8 years, but can't pass the test here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 287

You deserved it 14 809

Dweebs

By XxtentaculonxX - 08/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 776

You deserved it 32 386

Rat Race

By mcd - 05/10/2020 08:01 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 61

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 13:01

Today, working on an ambulance, we had an elderly man who was obviously scared, so to get his mind off things I made small talk. When I went to ask if he was retired, it came out as, "so Steve, are you retarded?" My partner/supervisor across from me had tears running down her face from trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 15:27 - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 243

You deserved it 3 227

By concom - 27/05/2015 19:40 - Cyprus

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 607

You deserved it 2 084

By saltinawound - 05/03/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 988

You deserved it 9 796

By ART - 06/03/2010 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 422

You deserved it 3 140

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 11 803

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 436

You deserved it 4 498

By Sarah - 07/05/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my manager bailed on me during the afternoon rush; swamped and distracted, I cut off the pad of my thumb in a cheese slicer. Some clinic hours later I returned, hungry and sick with blood loss, to sign WC papers. Manager's only words: "You're staying late to cover your long break, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 790

You deserved it 3 023

By :| - 12/09/2013 22:27 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 57 558

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 20:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 783

You deserved it 3 558

Check your head

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 20:00

Today, I had a real coffee again after being sick for two weeks. It didn't taste so good, though. Just like the one I had yesterday. Well, I thought, maybe my taste has changed? Maybe I just need to get used to it again? No, it was just that the milk had gone bad three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 845

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 605

You deserved it 12 226

By ineedalifekay - 24/05/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 944

You deserved it 46 306

By spideypowers - 05/09/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 446

You deserved it 44 295

By Anonymous - 11/05/2013 21:58 - United States - Reno

Today, my grandpa moved into the house to live with my family. Along with having to share a room with him, he swears that having the AC on will give him pneumonia, and he keeps saying he's "freezing" when the temperature inside gets below 85. We live in Nevada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 698

You deserved it 3 515

By doody - 30/12/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 157

You deserved it 4 257

By heartless - 11/03/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 489

You deserved it 2 496

Not cool

By ash203 - 12/12/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss's 13-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 278

You deserved it 50 089

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 01:27 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got laid off. Walking out of the building, I saw someone on crutches and thought, "Hey, at least I can still walk." Two hours later, I blew out my knee playing basketball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 955

You deserved it 8 125

By jacquelle - 25/02/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 407

You deserved it 2 312

By fuglyphotographer - 23/10/2011 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I uploaded my latest picture onto a photography website. It only got one comment, and even that was from someone advising me to never use the same hideous model ever again. It was a self-portrait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 142

You deserved it 4 657

Can we be friends?

By lonely - 22/03/2021 05:01

Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 157

By um - 08/02/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 453

You deserved it 7 971

By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 772

You deserved it 3 071

So cute

By Randomm - 12/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking into my school and I saw two girls kissing. Being a lesbian myself, and thinking it would be cute, I winked at them. I guess one of them had a history of cheating with a girl who looked just like me, because her girlfriend came up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 1 131

By mother teresa was a cunt - 17/09/2015 14:54 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 412

You deserved it 5 386

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 793

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 418

You deserved it 50 383

By 1 Giant Cupcake - 07/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 740

You deserved it 40 536

By AkaiKitsune - 17/06/2017 14:00

Today, a customer passed out in the bathroom, so we didn't realize he was there until after closing. I don't know what he'd shot up, but whatever it was told him he should run around naked. It's been two hours and the cops still haven't shown up. I can't leave until he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 737

You deserved it 236

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Top comments

Seegtease 0

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Saturday 21 February 2009 10:44

I think she made a funny joke, but you were too nervous to get it.

bsneeze 0

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Saturday 21 February 2009 15:00

no one wants to hear that, but someone has to be her first victim, i mean patient :-p I have actually had that happen to me before too, but all went well.

Seegtease 0

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Saturday 21 February 2009 10:44

I think she made a funny joke, but you were too nervous to get it.

xy798 8

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Saturday 15 December 2012 4:39

That happened to me too, except she messed up 3 times and collapsed one of my veins...

bsneeze 0

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Saturday 21 February 2009 15:00

no one wants to hear that, but someone has to be her first victim, i mean patient :-p I have actually had that happen to me before too, but all went well.

carriealana 0

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Saturday 21 February 2009 21:08

well apparently you're fine

brand125 17

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Tuesday 6 May 2014 6:58

exactly, since they never added details about something bad happening. just freaked them out

quiksta 0

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:29

who cares about this or you. getting a needle is not a big deal to the rest of the world

Dr_Phil 0

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Monday 23 February 2009 23:21

This happened to me the first time I was donating blood. The guy messed up and put the needle through my vain, which bled into my arm. I never donated blood again.

MrNurse 1

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 9:09

Bled into your arm? Did he forget to apply pressure? Most veins will clot up in less than 30 seconds with pressure unless there is an underlying bleeding disorder.

alwaysalady 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 4:21

When I was in labor with my son I had a crappy nurse miss my vein 6 times trying to hook me up to an IV. Then, after she finally got it in she stepped on the line, broke it in half, and shot my blood all over the delivery room floor. Then the guy with epidural came in, laid a foot long needle on the table and made me sign a release that said if he punctured my spinal fluid I wouldn't sue. Doctors are so scary.

toaster87 19

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Sunday 2 November 2014 20:14

Lol shot your blood all over the delivery room? Unless you have some sky high BP, or she hit an artery, I call BS.

958302 0

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Sunday 1 March 2009 5:02

Oh gosh, that is the oldest joke in the book when it comes to nurses. They only hear I am scared to be stuck 100 times a day. The worst to whine are men and people covered in tattoos.