Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

by Wtf / 04/29/2011 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

I_Iz_Emo's comment : Your dad is an asshole

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Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

by Jims / 04/29/2011 at 10:00am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2011 at 8:53am / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Love

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

by Kebabjoon / 04/29/2011 at 7:36am / Spain / Work

Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML

by Celluloid / 04/29/2011 at 2:52am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 10:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

by srsly_what / 04/28/2011 at 7:13pm / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Work

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 3:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

txgirl2013's comment : well he didnt reach and grab it did he?

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Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

by Tokany / 04/28/2011 at 3:29pm / Romania (Cluj) / Miscellaneous

Today, a tornado watch has been instituted in my town. At this moment, I have violent diarrhea, and my toilet sits right in front of a window. FML

by cnamobi / 04/28/2011 at 12:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

by Cecilly2010 / 04/28/2011 at 11:53am / Animals

Today, I bought my boyfriend a gold watch for our 2 year anniversary. He bought me a jar of Nutella. FML

by nuttedthefout / 04/28/2011 at 9:16am / Love