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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

#13122832
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (2552)

On 09/20/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by northernlass (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26425) - you deserved it (2750)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML

#13118537
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16558) - you deserved it (43438)

On 09/19/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by whitefox123 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

#13118353
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31302) - you deserved it (4980)

On 09/19/2010 at 7:55pm - health - by keenan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

#13116896
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26863) - you deserved it (6321)

On 09/19/2010 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my husband keeps in contact with the woman he was infatuated with in high school. He texts her more than he texts me. FML

#13111932
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32653) - you deserved it (4072)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

#13111931
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31666) - you deserved it (3613)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:11am - misc - by lifesuck - United States

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

#13109561
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29976) - you deserved it (2696)

On 09/19/2010 at 3:31am - love - by messyfamily (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

#13108998
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (13784)

On 09/19/2010 at 2:21am - animals - by jillydark6609 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

#13108461
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23377) - you deserved it (6792)

On 09/19/2010 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

#13107358
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38622) - you deserved it (2675)

On 09/19/2010 at 12:27am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

#13105771
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25841) - you deserved it (4101)

On 09/18/2010 at 10:54pm - misc - by Gabby125 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

#13104906
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8888) - you deserved it (34466)

On 09/18/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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