Work: Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You...

By Jedi - United States

Today, after class, my teacher pulled me aside and said "You know, I never received the e-mail regarding your disabilities that your parents mentioned. Could you have them resend it?" What disabilities? FML

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Work

Stop talking!

Healthcare is broken

They're not real

By uhmwow

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

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By tech_support - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

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By dwaggle - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

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By epiiphany - United States

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

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By BirthdayFail - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my birthday. Today is also the day my grandma died, six years ago. Since then, I get to sit through any sort of attempted celebration while my mom sobs and drinks herself into a stupor in the background. FML

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By unwed - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

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By Reihna - United States - Marion

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

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By Krissy - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

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By danjoylovefun - United States

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

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By airport - United States

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

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#LurkerForLife

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

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By heterolifepartner - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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23098

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By gahdamnit - Australia

Today, I tested the new taps in the shower, with my head. Yep, they're strong enough. FML

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By Charles Pennington - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

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By stinkystinky

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my friends pointed out I'm starting to get a mustache! - "You're finally a man!" To bad it's my 15th birthday, and I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous

Power move

Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML

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By Shoofly - United States

Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly with his hands. He then continued working without a second thought. He was making my sandwich. FML

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By wtf - Canada

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

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By kylie - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

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By Josh - United States - Fenton

Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML

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By blackcarnation - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

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By Ice cold - Australia - Cheltenham

Ice cold break-up

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

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By brycepetrillo - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

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By lunarclips - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

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By S - United States

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

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By JordanVilleneuve - Canada

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

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By jessiejaybee - United States

Today, while lying in bed cuddling with my cat after getting stood up, I found out that even 80-year-old Charles Manson is engaged to be married. FML

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By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Chicago

Tourism

Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML

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By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

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By soupisyummy - United States

Today, I looked over my next homework assignment for art class. It was to draw a portrait of my best friend. I can't think of anyone besides my mother. FML

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By jakestorm

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

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By quasimodo - United States

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters' deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples' deaths. FML

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By gabby - Canada

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus I realized I left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

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Top comments

By davidtheday | 0

#4401 - Friday 20 February 2009 16:07

Now you know why you take the short bus to school. Sorry...

By ridiculous_gnome | 0

#4511 - Friday 20 February 2009 20:53

Do people talk slower and louder for you?

COMMENTS

By davidtheday | 0

#4401 - Friday 20 February 2009 16:07

Now you know why you take the short bus to school. Sorry...

By Amkii | 0

#4440 - Friday 20 February 2009 18:29

I lol'd.

By AliSama | 17

#4457 - Friday 20 February 2009 18:54

it is more the case of a mistaken identity. I would not worry about it.

By ilgatto | 0

#4492 - Friday 20 February 2009 20:19

happened to me too. well i always skipped gym when i was younger but i never got bad marks for it. when i was speaking to the guidance counselor one day, she mentioned my doctors note for getting out of it. i don't have any physical conditions!!