All the FMLs

By StupidCar - 07/02/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 077

You deserved it 4 884

By Snow - 07/02/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 778

You deserved it 35 119

By name50 - 07/02/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 619

You deserved it 74 108

By princesspea - 07/02/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 623

You deserved it 3 279

By brokenkneechick - 07/02/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 510

You deserved it 2 267

By biomajor - 07/02/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 317

You deserved it 3 589

By Flubber - 07/02/2009 05:44 - Australia

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 546

You deserved it 5 837

By CBM2012 - 07/02/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, my roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 550

You deserved it 3 639

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 350

You deserved it 30 586

By Joey - 06/02/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 710

You deserved it 2 483

By unlucky - 06/02/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 702

You deserved it 25 816

Surprise

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 829

You deserved it 4 505

By yerbuagalapagos wonder - 06/02/2009 21:50 - Ecuador

Today, I really had to use the airplane lavatory. After I'd finished, the flight attendants continuously sprayed air freshener for two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 474

You deserved it 31 833

By Flabbergasted - 06/02/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has been having an affair with another woman. He works with me and the woman also works in the same company. She is also married and is now 6 months pregnant. They are throwing a baby shower for her on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 804

You deserved it 2 275

By Lizz - 06/02/2009 19:25 - United States

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 724

You deserved it 3 122

By Noname - 06/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 660

You deserved it 18 561

By alone - 06/02/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 048

You deserved it 2 799

By bettysue - 06/02/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met at a speed dating event. He recommended the lamb shank, which I ordered without looking at the menu. When the waiter took my order, my date said, "wait, the lamb is $27, why don't you get the chicken". He then ordered the lamb for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 3 822

bettysue tells us more.

bettysue 0

Saturday 7 February 2009 21:44

The facts are this: 1) I was asked out on a date. 2) I don't care about money. 3) I let him pick the restaurant so that he could keep it in his price range. I even offered to do coffee instead of dinner so that it wasn't a waste of money if we didn't have any real connection anyway. 4) He had been to the restaurant before and ordered the lamb dish, so he knew how much money it was. 5) I ordered water to drink. 6) He didn't even let me look at the menu before he recommended I get the lamb dish, because if I had I would never have selected a meal that was that expensive. 7) He told me to change my order in front of the waiter, and then ordered the lamb for himself. Not wanting to be a total bitch, I didn't complain, but at that point I expected him to pay for dinner. if I couldn't order what I wanted, why the hell should I pay? To all of you losers out there who weren't brought up properly, this is not the way to go about taking a woman on a first date. If you can't understand that, then I feel sorry for you. The whole point of this site is to tell humorous stories about everyday, insignificant things that people can relate to because we've all been there. It was a bad first date, but I think its a funny story. Whatever.