Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

by Clueless / 04/21/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Intimacy

browntiga's comment : that's for being an idiot and not using the internet for porn

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Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 2:18pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Health

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

by EmDa / 04/21/2011 at 10:44am / India / Love

shellzy's comment : You're a shallow idiot. How can you be in love with someone you know nothing about?

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Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 9:55am / Love

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Nurisaintlucy's comment : This is a compliment, usually if a guy didn't care about you he wouldn't stay for the cuddling

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Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 5:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

by gutted / 04/21/2011 at 4:33am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

by alopez1994 / 04/21/2011 at 1:28am / Miscellaneous

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

by Forgetable / 04/21/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

by embarassed / 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm / United States / Health

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

by GshDrnt / 04/20/2011 at 10:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

by doomed / 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous