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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

#8867961
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6749) - you deserved it (46180)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

#8866144
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23669) - you deserved it (7010)

On 03/06/2010 at 10:22am - misc - by Coldflame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

#8865322
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29546) - you deserved it (7963)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:31am - intimacy - by ICantBelieveThis - United States (New York)

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

#8864405
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29527) - you deserved it (5881)

On 03/06/2010 at 8:05am - kids - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

#8864164
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8422) - you deserved it (41104)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:24am - intimacy - by imabadperson (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

#8862978
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35688) - you deserved it (2930)

On 03/06/2010 at 3:32am - love - by ART - United States (California)

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

#8862366
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7263) - you deserved it (38085)

On 03/06/2010 at 2:38am - animals - by drunk (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I received an e-mail from the Unemployment Department saying they had a job referral for me. After excitedly reading the description, I realised it was the job I'd just been fired from (at a much higher pay). If I don't go through the application process, I will be denied my unemployment. FML

#8862243
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23227) - you deserved it (2191)

On 03/06/2010 at 2:28am - work - by AlyssaBC (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

#8861127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22977) - you deserved it (7996)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by Lost... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

#8861010
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10233) - you deserved it (29365)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

#8859740
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25978) - you deserved it (2348)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:16am - health - by KateD - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

#8859695
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11873) - you deserved it (38150)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:14am - love - by mariah_1_11 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

#8859688
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21250) - you deserved it (4480)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:14am - misc - by shortiem (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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