Miscellaneous: Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous... - FML

By embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Delayed proposal

No, Drake, no

By Anonymous - 9/3/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Don't stop now!

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

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By robotzzz - France

Today, I asked a co-worker out for a drink. She said yes, then my older brother who was visiting decided to come behind me and pull down my pants in front of the office. Then she said no. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

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By catlover - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

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By Mrs. Awkward

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

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By Brunofk7 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

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By Pokecousin

Today, I had to explain to my Pokemon-obsessed 6-year-old cousin that Albinos are not "Shiny People". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 01:04 - Iraq - Basrah

Leeches

Today, I found out that if my husband and I move to another country to live, then his mom and sister will live with us too. I'm already living with them because of societal traditions. I like them and everything, but I really need some privacy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while with my new boyfriend, my ex called to tell me I needed to go to the doctor to get checked out. He had gotten an STD from the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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By amayasoma - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

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By ashley - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 05:00

High on emotion

Today, a woman I’ve liked for years falsely claimed to be strung out on crystal meth rather than just turning me down. FML

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By Rick - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a militantly feminist co-worker of mine. She threw several vulgar insults at me and debased the entire male gender before storming off. I'd only asked if she needed help while she was doing a crossword. FML

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By lavenderpiss - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

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By blkchkrm - United States

Today, I decided I was going to do something nice for my parents for Christmas. So, I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, baked cookies, and made them both Christmas cards. What did I get in return? They asked me to wrap my four year old sister's presents, and let me know I got nothing. FML

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By soulaar - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

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By drano - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at my job. A guy came up with a cart full of stuff and it took me 10 minutes to ring it all up. When I told him his total, he felt his pockets, said "Oh shit I forgot my wallet!" and walked away. He left about 15 bags worth of things for me to put back. FML

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By BadMurderer - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

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By pandapantsMD - United States - Chesapeake

Today, my fiancé freaked when he noticed the tattoo on my wrist, and demanded to know when I got it. It was two years before we even started dating. FML

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By whyme27 - Canada

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

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By homealone - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

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By Playaaa - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

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By BaMiTsAnYa - United States - Orlando

Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML

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By meegs - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

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By sonja_n - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

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By FUCK.THIS.JOB. - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I politely asked a man to not sleep on a tram stop that I had to clean. He got up, and while I leaned forward to pick up some trash from the ground nearby, I felt a warm stream on my back. Now I can't get the smell of urine off my clothes. FML

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By eebie jeebies - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

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By castironstomach

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

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By Hungry - United States - Appleton

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

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By Alexander D. - United States

That backfired

Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML

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By Forgotten - Canada

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

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By the poor man - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

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By Torbey - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:31 - India - Bangalore

We feel for you, bruh

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

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Top comments

By happy_ness | 0

#232579 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:20

i do that all the time!
the sneaking in the soda, but not the exploding part.
hahaha sucks for you!
i'd be sooo embarrassed!

By Hunter329 | 0

#232574 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:19

Sucks... But it musta been worth it to see Terminator.
Good movie.

COMMENTS

By Hunter329 | 0

#232574 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:19

Sucks... But it musta been worth it to see Terminator.
Good movie.

Reply

pingpongpickle | 8

#1028387 - Saturday 12 June 2010 5:31

ydi for drinking soda! that's bad for you op.

Reply

partyfool2011 | 4

#2910058 - Sunday 17 July 2011 2:34

this is the part where you turn to your right and start yelling at the person sitting there.

Reply

\ | 28

#5619058 - Thursday 8 August 2013 22:45

Ya got that right

By Curtieeeez | 0

#232577 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:20

Karma :D

Reply

coldasfire | 23

#6266860 - Sunday 19 April 2015 8:10

Who doesn't sneak things into theaters?

Reply

ZombieSlaya115 | 17

#6629167 - Thursday 16 June 2016 5:44

I don't see why you got disliked she deserved it

By happy_ness | 0

#232579 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:20

i do that all the time!
the sneaking in the soda, but not the exploding part.
hahaha sucks for you!
i'd be sooo embarrassed!

Reply

plum_lovin | 28

#5382953 - Monday 25 February 2013 18:27

I think I'd open it in the bathroom or outside just to make sure this doesn't happen to me or anybody else... I've taken an Arizona Tea into the theater tho, non messy and amazing..

By Curtieeeez | 0

#232584 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:22

Waiiiit, I thought you stole it. My bad. Yeah, that sucks :

By Pirate_argh | 6

#232593 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:26

Hahaha sucks :D
But i'm sure you would do the same thing again next time ;)

By ilikefish | 0

#232594 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:27

I thought everyone knew to wait a few minutes before opening a previously mobile can of soda :. YDI

By alexgirl | 0

#232604 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:31

Yah, that sux. But you know, at least here in Canada. You're allowed to bring stuff from home into the theater, except Dairy Products. It's just courteous to not bring a lot in. But they're not really going to stop you....

Reply

alicianoar | 7

#1044892 - Saturday 26 June 2010 15:56

in Australia, they let you take anything, we all took McDonalds in there the other day :)

Reply

cupcakemann95 | 7

#2227561 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 4:31

that's awesome and who doesnt sneak stuff in?

By lol_seriously | 0

#232608 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:33

Could have been worse, at least you didn't sneak a bomb in

By spillproof | 0

#232610 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:33

sorry about that, but I bring stuff in all the time. Not a YDI.

By yer_maw | 0

#232625 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 12:38

Dr Pepper, what's the worst that can happen...?

THAT