Miscellaneous: Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked... - FML

By Ash - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Egg mode

Get 'em!

By cheshirealyce - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

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By BahHumbug - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

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By Stupid - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

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By seriousdubsteplover - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

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By Carnage23 - Germany - Essen

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

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By melean - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

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By awkwardpaul - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

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By Audrey Anna Grace Somers

Today, I was trying on a dress at my grandmother's house. When I posed for her, she told me she would expand the waist, because I won't be sucking in the whole time I would be wearing it. The joke's on you Grandma, I've been sucking my stomach in since I was twelve years old. FML

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By iluvjenknee - United States

Today, at work I was ringing up some tampons for a woman, and I try to interact with the shoppers as much as possible. I was trying to think of something witty or funny to say but drew a blank, so I decided just to say "have a nice night." What I actually said was "have a nice flow". FML

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By leftbehind - Colombia

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

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By bathtime - United States

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Wrong sort of poking

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

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By fmerunning - United States

Today, the cable repairman came to fix my cable which has never worked well. The entire time he was talking about how much extra money he got the "fat bitch who moved here 6 months ago" to pay for her cable. I moved in 6 months ago. I was pregnant. FML

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By Sarah - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

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By Dani - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

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By newly single teetotaler - 23/10/2020 23:01

Cute trick, asshole

Today, the guy I've been seeing decided to "test the theory" that I can't drink alcohol due to a liver condition by mixing some into my drinks. He then complained that my ceaseless vomiting made his bathroom smell bad, and only took me to hospital when I started having a seizure. FML

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By yeahno - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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By squarecircles - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

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By Nick - United States

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

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By niabby - United States

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

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By MikeMoosey - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

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By Rowansgonnarow

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

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By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

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By shorty - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

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By julian

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

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By laurenmichela - United Kingdom

Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML

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By yikes :/

Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML

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By kvdfan - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

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By cnkk07 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

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By frustrated - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

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By thanks google - United States - Naperville

Today, while I was driving, Google said it found a faster route to save me 15 minutes. I hit accept, only be directed into a gridlock on the interstate, adding an hour to my drive time. FML

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By ChaoticGamer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

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By mudy247

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

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Top comments

By plaidrabbit | 0

#235834 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:17

Holy crap, you ranted for five blocks? About how he deserved to *die*?!

Anger issues much?

By ManiMartinixo | 0

#235807 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI for talking shit

COMMENTS

By ManiMartinixo | 0

#235807 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI for talking shit

Reply

natsaysheyyy | 16

#5376355 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 21:05

FIve blocks?! FIVE blocks? Wow, YDI times a million.

Reply

EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6211613 - Monday 23 February 2015 23:18

OP you sound like a bitch and I feel bad for your boyfriend.

By Chidge | 0

#235811 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI - dont talk smack

Reply

popoman | 0

#472683 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:33

You should have replied "Good, I don't have to repeat myself then."

Reply

jennnnrawr | 0

#969924 - Sunday 28 March 2010 16:56

^win

By UrRightFML | 0

#235818 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:08

Oh shit now thats funny, FML

By iTz_Mark | 0

#235820 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:10

your messed up. YDI

By R3TH0R | 0

#235827 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:12

you deserve that for ranting about it; next time just go "damn people not paying attention" or some shit like that and move on.
also, its not really an FYL since all he did was call you a bitch, is it really that bad?

By plaidrabbit | 0

#235834 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:17

Holy crap, you ranted for five blocks? About how he deserved to *die*?!

Anger issues much?

By Aw_Geez | 0

#235836 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:19

I wonder what else you think people deserve to die for. Shit.

Reply

frede120897 | 15

#6098975 - Friday 24 October 2014 17:36

Probably thinks her boyfriend should die for laughing at her experience.

By ThisisLegit | 0

#235837 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:20

People that make mistakes deserve to die?

Oh, okay.

By iwinatlife | 0

#235844 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:26

that'll teach u not to be a bitch...
you really deserved that one

By stiles_fml | 0

#235853 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:30

asians...