Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked... - FML

By Ash - 27/5/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9479

You deserved it

88365

Tweet

Share

Family values

Property law

Clocked

By Anonymous - 14/5/2010 23:19 - Canada

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30427

You deserved it

4837

Tweet

Share

By Jrex89 - 2/6/2015 21:02 - United States - Washington

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33557

You deserved it

3161

Tweet

Share

By yudencow - 18/9/2019 18:00

Reading skills

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1136

You deserved it

143

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2012 01:41 - United States - Fairfax

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22605

You deserved it

2623

Tweet

Share

By Sallyfromtheseashore - 1/7/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, I wrote a long wall post on my teachers wall on facebook including how much of a douche I thought she was, I wasn't planning on posting it but did on accident, so I quickly deleted it. I felt pretty clever. Did you know facebook sends you emails including what was written on the post? FML

I agree, your life sucks

9756

You deserved it

89390

Tweet

Share

By madbabynoel - 25/3/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22084

You deserved it

1580

Tweet

Share

By Porkchop05 - 6/9/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51786

You deserved it

14646

Tweet

Share

By Toldyouso - 22/1/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I thought it would be romantic to fill my girlfriend's room with scented candles and surprise her when she was done showering. I lied there naked, with Kenny G playing softly. I heard a knock on the door, so I told her to come in. To my surprise it was her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11206

You deserved it

24430

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 06:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I have a busy day of college work ahead of me. I figured I'd best have a good breakfast. Then I realised I'd completely ran out of food except for various types of sauces and condiments. So what am I having for breakfast today? That's right. A nice cup of Gravy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13593

You deserved it

30390

Tweet

Share

By Jenn - 24/9/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5168

You deserved it

594

Tweet

Share

By Petitprof - 12/11/2010 18:23 - France

Today, someone in my class wrote "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49119

You deserved it

5316

Tweet

Share

By p00p_m0nsta - 10/2/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46733

You deserved it

2672

Tweet

Share

By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21467

You deserved it

3523

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 21:57 - Argentina

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48634

You deserved it

4811

Tweet

Share

By foreverashamed - 4/11/2011 06:57 - Canada

Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book is written by a 9-year-old kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33546

You deserved it

6795

Tweet

Share

By Username - 6/7/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700 mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34972

You deserved it

12651

Tweet

Share

By moneycatious - 19/3/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26248

You deserved it

5496

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/3/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17161

You deserved it

37963

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 04:22

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33976

You deserved it

2346

Tweet

Share

By Dumbass Dude - 24/5/2019 14:10

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

625

You deserved it

1954

Tweet

Share

By HadToApologize - 3/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8293

You deserved it

22838

Tweet

Share

By kp - 31/8/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30009

You deserved it

4466

Tweet

Share

By RatQuiRit - 13/10/2008 08:21

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57663

You deserved it

15873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35665

You deserved it

2592

Tweet

Share

By Picaresque - 26/2/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

284978

You deserved it

67685

Tweet

Share

By thanks hun - 7/5/2020 20:00

Overheard musings

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1740

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/7/2019 20:00

Today, my mum came over and helped me sort out my spare room. It was great, we found so many things I'd forgotten I had! Including anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

897

Tweet

Share

By 1234567898765432 - 27/3/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

112987

You deserved it

6051

Tweet

Share

By I weep for our future generation - 1/10/2017 04:30

Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3943

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By edible - 20/5/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54421

You deserved it

4060

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/9/2014 21:54 - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39505

You deserved it

19166

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2019 18:00

Noise annoys

Today, my little brother got a violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1613

You deserved it

258

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26443

You deserved it

2904

Tweet

Share

By stun_zeed - 17/1/2017 10:00

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8967

You deserved it

1194

Tweet

Share

By That escalated quickly. - 28/8/2017 20:00

Today, I was excited by the thought of the bathroom in my rental being replaced after the plumber advised that the leak can't be easily fixed. Instead, the owner's decided to fully renovate and is kicking me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3862

You deserved it

252

Tweet

Share

By a non e mouse - 10/11/2015 22:34 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19862

You deserved it

8099

Tweet

Share

By xXx3mi_MuffinxXx - 1/7/2011 19:23 - United States

Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30642

You deserved it

3192

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2012 20:08 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called me and asked if they could speak to my "mommy or daddy". I am 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27311

You deserved it

2769

Tweet

Share

By beemove - 28/12/2013 21:19 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45227

You deserved it

10659

Tweet

Share

By AnonThoughts - 24/10/2019 06:00

Fighting fit

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1349

You deserved it

289

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By plaidrabbit | 0

#235834 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:17

Holy crap, you ranted for five blocks? About how he deserved to *die*?!

Anger issues much?

By ManiMartinixo | 0

#235807 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI for talking shit

COMMENTS

By ManiMartinixo | 0

#235807 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI for talking shit

Reply

natsaysheyyy | 16

#5376355 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 21:05

FIve blocks?! FIVE blocks? Wow, YDI times a million.

Reply

EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6211613 - Monday 23 February 2015 23:18

OP you sound like a bitch and I feel bad for your boyfriend.

By Chidge | 0

#235811 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI - dont talk smack

Reply

popoman | 0

#472683 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:33

You should have replied "Good, I don't have to repeat myself then."

Reply

jennnnrawr | 0

#969924 - Sunday 28 March 2010 16:56

^win

By UrRightFML | 0

#235818 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:08

Oh shit now thats funny, FML

By iTz_Mark | 0

#235820 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:10

your messed up. YDI

By R3TH0R | 0

#235827 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:12

you deserve that for ranting about it; next time just go "damn people not paying attention" or some shit like that and move on.
also, its not really an FYL since all he did was call you a bitch, is it really that bad?

By plaidrabbit | 0

#235834 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:17

Holy crap, you ranted for five blocks? About how he deserved to *die*?!

Anger issues much?

By Aw_Geez | 0

#235836 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:19

I wonder what else you think people deserve to die for. Shit.

Reply

frede120897 | 15

#6098975 - Friday 24 October 2014 17:36

Probably thinks her boyfriend should die for laughing at her experience.

By ThisisLegit | 0

#235837 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:20

People that make mistakes deserve to die?

Oh, okay.

By iwinatlife | 0

#235844 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:26

that'll teach u not to be a bitch...
you really deserved that one

By stiles_fml | 0

#235853 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:30

asians...