Miscellaneous: Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked... - FML

By Ash - United States

Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

There's no helping some people

Stomach bug?

By meow - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

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By Dirty - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

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By PolarBear2020 - 16/4/2021 23:05

Return to sender

Today, I was notified by my bank that the government stimulus check I had deposited last week had been returned. FML

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By AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

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By HairyLeggedItalian - United States

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

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By stopinthenameoflove - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

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By JeezyCherieze - United States

Today, my father, who I rarely see, drove 400 miles to my wedding. I was so happy to see him, until he got completely trashed at my reception, asked me where he could "score some weed" and told me what a bitch my mom was and how I needed to lose weight. For over an hour. At my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Saint Marys

Today, I overheard a girl and a guy sitting behind me on the bus who were talking about Skyrim, one of my favourite games. After a while, I turned around and, as a fellow gamer, thanked them for restoring my faith in humanity. They went very quiet. I'm now that weird guy on the bus. FML

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By pinks - United States

Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

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By Anonymous

Baywatch music starts

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

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By >{%£•¥ - United States

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

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By anon - Australia - Glenfield

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

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By really? - United States - Highland

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 23:02

Which part of pandemic don't you understand?

Today, after quarantining for 2 weeks so I could spend Christmas with my parents, they went over to see a COVID hoaxer/Trump-supporting neighbor, and spent an hour inside with him, without wearing masks. I'm a nurse, working with cancer patients. They don't understand why I'm upset, and are angry that I'm leaving. FML

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By epicfail - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

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By kittenfish8903 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

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By gaggin - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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By toobad - Canada

Today, it's cold and rainy. I would like nothing more than to drink hot chocolate and watch a movie with the woman I love; the same woman who cheated on me and took the TV with her when she left. FML

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By Shelly - United States

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

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By Jack - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

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By failureatlife - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

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By bnc - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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By meunluckycharms - Canada - Toronto

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

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By hellostupid - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

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By ambushcat - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Longmont

Bad thought

Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML

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By madbirthdaymomma - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

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By Jaded618 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

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By unbirthday - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I came downstairs to a cake that said "Happy 8th Birthday Bella!" My name is Sarah and I'm 16. Bella is our dog whose birthday is next month. FML

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By disappointed - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

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By ravlol - United States

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

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Top comments

By plaidrabbit | 0

#235834 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:17

Holy crap, you ranted for five blocks? About how he deserved to *die*?!

Anger issues much?

By ManiMartinixo | 0

#235807 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI for talking shit

COMMENTS

By ManiMartinixo | 0

#235807 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI for talking shit

Reply

natsaysheyyy | 16

#5376355 - Wednesday 20 February 2013 21:05

FIve blocks?! FIVE blocks? Wow, YDI times a million.

Reply

EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6211613 - Monday 23 February 2015 23:18

OP you sound like a bitch and I feel bad for your boyfriend.

By Chidge | 0

#235811 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

YDI - dont talk smack

Reply

popoman | 0

#472683 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:33

You should have replied "Good, I don't have to repeat myself then."

Reply

jennnnrawr | 0

#969924 - Sunday 28 March 2010 16:56

^win

By UrRightFML | 0

#235818 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:08

Oh shit now thats funny, FML

By iTz_Mark | 0

#235820 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:10

your messed up. YDI

By R3TH0R | 0

#235827 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:12

you deserve that for ranting about it; next time just go "damn people not paying attention" or some shit like that and move on.
also, its not really an FYL since all he did was call you a bitch, is it really that bad?

By plaidrabbit | 0

#235834 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:17

Holy crap, you ranted for five blocks? About how he deserved to *die*?!

Anger issues much?

By Aw_Geez | 0

#235836 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:19

I wonder what else you think people deserve to die for. Shit.

Reply

frede120897 | 15

#6098975 - Friday 24 October 2014 17:36

Probably thinks her boyfriend should die for laughing at her experience.

By ThisisLegit | 0

#235837 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:20

People that make mistakes deserve to die?

Oh, okay.

By iwinatlife | 0

#235844 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:26

that'll teach u not to be a bitch...
you really deserved that one

By stiles_fml | 0

#235853 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:30

asians...