Animals: Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from...

By KMROYALShottie - United States

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68725

You deserved it

2894

Favorite

Animals

Serious times

At will

On the beat

By snitcheyes - United States

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28823

You deserved it

2822

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:02 - United States - Santa Ana

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, I woke up to the inside of my house covered in bees. Hundreds of them. I have been complaining about a bee problem to the HOA for two weeks, and their response has been, “The hive was taken care of." Well, a few hundred bees inside and a few thousand on my outside wall beg to disagree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1448

You deserved it

Favorite

By fmypaint - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9562

You deserved it

35182

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19876

You deserved it

58867

Favorite

By dontask - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31730

You deserved it

4404

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29754

You deserved it

2052

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22173

You deserved it

1484

Favorite

By SweetFA - Canada

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44416

You deserved it

17095

Favorite

By 1415926 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all 3 campuses of the state college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34149

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By Stupid - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16844

You deserved it

67820

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27939

You deserved it

3245

Favorite

By Fitz - United States

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54385

You deserved it

4401

Favorite

By WorstLifeEver - United States

Today, I was walking around in the mall when I dropped my purse. When I bent down to pick it up, some guy came up behind me, humped my ass, then ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64696

You deserved it

13367

Favorite

By somefamily - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26943

You deserved it

4363

Favorite

By SpanishInFrenchClass - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29681

You deserved it

5413

Favorite

By LadyLuck - United States

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51810

You deserved it

5350

Favorite

By maddiecat - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19386

You deserved it

100590

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54068

You deserved it

17582

Favorite

By heckinfrick - 8/10/2020 08:01

What a headache

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1177

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By lostbandana - United States

Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47214

You deserved it

3931

Favorite

By aprouddaddy - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41698

You deserved it

6551

Favorite

By Unclean - 12/3/2020 18:58

Missing the point

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months because I told him I loved him. Not because he felt any different than I did, but because the term "love" should be reserved for God, and not be said to mortals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7832

You deserved it

80656

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 17:00

Time don't heal nothing

Today, I was sitting in my garden with my younger sister when she told me that she'd found pictures of me from a decade ago. She also told me that I've changed a lot over the years, because back then I was still pretty. My neighbours overheard it and started laughing out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1663

You deserved it

169

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11274

You deserved it

40397

Favorite

By AmihayG - Israel

Today, as I was riding the bus, a lady told her daughter to sit next to me. She looked at me and started to scream and cry in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26011

You deserved it

2860

Favorite

By totallyscrewedomg - United States

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37292

You deserved it

12380

Favorite

By LoveSick

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2464

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By klanciee - United States - Valencia

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29358

You deserved it

2193

Favorite

By nutsucker - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57407

You deserved it

10836

Favorite

By je_regrette_tout - France - Livry-gargan

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24131

You deserved it

66000

Favorite

By failure - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32634

You deserved it

5016

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30531

You deserved it

2324

Favorite

By sadspinster

Single life

Today, I found out that both my younger sisters are bringing their boyfriends home for Christmas. The youngest is 25, and he's actually her fiancé. The other is 30, and she and her boyfriend have been living together for over a year. I'll be the 36-year-old spinster in the twin bed upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1466

You deserved it

299

Favorite

By Katrina641 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22385

You deserved it

4337

Favorite

By oc_cheergirl - United States

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29441

You deserved it

50950

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Paul

High Times

Today, I got hit by a car while I was on the phone. I was sat at a bus stop. The driver was high and lost focus lighting another blunt. My family and some friends are mad that I'm pressing charges and making weed look bad in the media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1696

You deserved it

330

Favorite

By Bug5992 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31722

You deserved it

10285

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boss sent me some application forms to check over. After I spell-checked them and returned them, I found out they're going to be used to hire someone to replace me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48417

You deserved it

4221

Favorite

By mooselord - United States

Today, I was driving home, when a truck overtook me. Two of the Christmas trees it was carrying fell off straight into my bumper. The car behind me pulled over, but instead of seeing if I was okay, he just went to see whether or not either of the trees was in good enough shape to take home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39905

You deserved it

2820

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ChelsiGotSpunk | 0

#235808 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

Aw, dude that sucks.
Your dad is a bitch.

By Indiana_fml | 4

#235816 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:07

Wow, I can't find the appropriate words for your dad...so I just say: Whatever bad happens to him in life, he will totally deserve it.

COMMENTS

By Chidge | 0

#235802 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:03

You deserved it

Also- first hahaha

By ChelsiGotSpunk | 0

#235808 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

Aw, dude that sucks.
Your dad is a bitch.

By tigitiger22 | 0

#235812 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:05

That's awful. I can't believe your Dad would do something like that :( I'm so sorry. I hope your Dad pays for the bill. And all the photocopying ink!

Theclarksondales | 8

#4638548 - Sunday 1 July 2012 17:13

and a new dog

By UrRightFML | 0

#235813 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:06

Ah ur dads a gronk, make sure that he knows that you knw what happen to ur dog.

By Indiana_fml | 4

#235816 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:07

Wow, I can't find the appropriate words for your dad...so I just say: Whatever bad happens to him in life, he will totally deserve it.

By Juggalette_623 | 9

#235817 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:08

How can this person possibly deserve it? This sucks ass! FYL

By R3TH0R | 0

#235821 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:10

you should so guilt trip your dad, and keep him from getting the bill, make him pay for it BIG.

give it a few days and then go "oh hey dad this came in the mail" give him the bill then ask him when he was going to tell you

and how the hell does anyone deserve this?

By TigressUK | 0

#235826 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:12

#1 deserves to have a lifetime internet ban.

Your father is selfish and cruel.

By choochootrain | 0

#235841 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:25

That's just wrong. I'm so sorry for you. Maybe investigate if your dog didn't have a medical condition that required his putting down, and that your father didn't have the heart to tell you about. Sometimes parents can't bring themselves to break the news about pets to their children, and they resort to the weirdest things.

By jumpdancehigh | 0

#235878 - Wednesday 27 May 2009 12:45

so sad ):