By cakegirl - United States

Kinda sweet

Today, my boyfriend invited me over, so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom handed me a box. When I got home, I opened it. His mom had baked me a break-up cake. FML

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Walk on the wild side

There's no helping some people

Nags

By mommydearist - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

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By AnxiousCucumber - United States - Los Angeles

And I oop

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lakewood

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield

Good boy

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

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By KateD - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

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By Joseflloyd - United States - Carbondale

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

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By amireallyloved - United States

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

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By hatinthelife - United States

Over and out

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML

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By Old? - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

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By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

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By Melinda - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

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By Anonymous - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

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By backstabbed - Australia

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

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By Ctmusher

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

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By Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

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By dk14

Today, my girlfriend's dad let me borrow his car for transportation to work because mine got totaled. This car is a complete dump and I've realized he's only letting me use it so it's my fault to fix the broken things on the car. So far, I've had to replace the battery and two popped tires. FML

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By Nick - United States

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

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By tspence - United States - Genoa

Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML

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By annoyed teen - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southampton

WTF VHS?

Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML

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By LoveSick

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

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By meg265 - United States

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

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By ....... - United States

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML

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By jackelking - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

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By DEE

Out of the mouth of babes...

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

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By tammy - France

Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend she's too good for me, then asking if she wants to settle for someone like me. FML

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By wetboy - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Stuck

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

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By Sticky floor

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

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By shinra

Freaky...

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

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By guy - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

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By nootnoot - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

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By Chansus10 - United States - Greendale

Today, my boss drove past me while I was walking to work, and splashing mud over my uniform. When I got to work, he criticized me for showing up in unpresentable condition. FML

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By grannygirlfriend - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

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Top comments

By BethanyKimberly | 4

#232390 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:13

Sucks you got broken up with. but that was kind of nice of her..

By oooh_dear | 0

#232388 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:12

at least you didnt have to go out and buy a pint of ice cream.
you got a free cake instead!

COMMENTS

By oooh_dear | 0

#232388 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:12

at least you didnt have to go out and buy a pint of ice cream.
you got a free cake instead!

Reply

mollyo | 0

#973716 - Saturday 3 April 2010 20:26

free cake why is this an fml?

Reply

hippo23 | 0

#973815 - Sunday 4 April 2010 4:34

I agree! his mom must be the sweetest thing! cheer up though, at least u got cake

Reply

superboboboi | 0

#982969 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 7:29

umm.. ur boyfriend broke up with you and ur tag says ur a dude... im confused about if ur gay cuz ur name thing is cakegirl..

Reply

nastenka_fml | 0

#1032058 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 8:16

yeah, his mom probably loved you

Reply

guitarheaven789 | 0

#1049090 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 23:24

Take a dump in his mailbox and put ised condoms in there. Thats what i did to my exboyfriends!

Reply

ONYA | 0

#1189614 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 21:20

I don't think it's an FML at all. Breakups happen, but he was polite enough to do it in person and his mom was sweet. I've been/known girls who get dumped in texts.

Reply

CaptSkippy | 9

#4850377 - Thursday 23 August 2012 1:26

I have been dumped through Facebook before

By BethanyKimberly | 4

#232390 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:13

Sucks you got broken up with. but that was kind of nice of her..

By AquaRevolver | 0

#232393 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:14

It was a nice gesture I suppose... Just incredibly inappropriate.

Reply

lendalynn | 5

#2697536 - Friday 17 June 2011 1:44

agreed!

By balor_fml | 0

#232396 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:16

Later that night, the guy calls his friend to tell them about it, and the friend is like, how did it go? Peace of cake the guy goes, as the audience snickers in the background.

Reply

ollie179 | 21

#2285424 - Sunday 3 April 2011 10:51

sad.

By arques | 0

#232402 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:21

Sucks that your boyfriend broke up with you but at least you got a cake out of it. I can't imagine a situation where cake isn't appropriate.

By Luckster | 0

#232403 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:21

If it's chocolate, don't eat it.

By jenMalfoy | 0

#232407 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:22

At least his mom is sweet.

By Blithe_626 | 0

#232408 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:23

well that was nice of her.

By farflungfloyd | 0

#232410 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:25

Cakegirl. Your ex broke up with you. That sucks. But his mom baked you a cake! That's so sweet!

By sarumanthewhite | 0

#232411 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 9:25

don't be so damn ungrateful

you don't deserve the cake but you deserve to have been dumped by your boyfriend