Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
SSJ5Goku 0
...Which would you prefer?
TripleJumpMan 0
what the hell
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Comments (153)
SSJ5Goku 0
...Which would you prefer?
jessxoxo28 5
lmao #1!!!
silvermoonstar3 3
F the OP's life for thinking it is possible she ate it and it lived through it!
The_Cardinal 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I think she meant "Did I not notice a cockroach in a toilet before sitting down?" or "Did a cockroach find it's way into the toilet while I was sitting on it?" No where was it implied that it survived a trek through her system. Moron
Microbiologist 0
Wow the cardinal really feels they know best don't they! No way is it not implied, that was also my initial understanding too.
Towelie_31 0
airgo visa vi, cincordingly.
l1douchhe1l 0
u got that from the mtv parody of matrix right
vde_fml 15
Think logically, can a cockroach survive the stomach acid? If yes then it's came trough your body.
KASHMIR_fml 0
actually fellas cockroaches can live through a lot.
austinkarimi 0
not really. everyone always says that because they can survive nuclear fallout. they can't survive my shoe though.
depotst 0
Actually, he was right. I always think it's weird when people write comments like that.. I'm not sure if it's people being lazy, reading comprehension fail or what.
FreshlyCut 0
Have you had any Chinese food lately?
riax 9
no shit, the cockroach would've been dead even before it reached her stomach, she would hv chewed it to death! There is another possibility, it may have fallen into the toilet from her panties :/
JadeOmega 23
before
TripleJumpMan 0
what the hell
velvel 7
poor cockroach!
quicheme45 0
I love ur pic!!!
Icy_fml 0
surpried it didnt eat the poo.
Mustardnight 3
Maybe thats what it was doing.
tinetine_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This hella made me laugh !!
ihatemylifemore 0
LOL XD
DillyLyn 0
you shat a roach?
ZleveL 0
sgt. gary roach Sanderson?
Seventytimeseven 0
Probably after or your stomach acids would have killed/injured it wayy before the day after. Plus if you ate it you need also to consider the way you eat and how you managed to not chew it. Your house may be questionable otherwise. This is disturbing and hillarious, not sure which more so
Ascaryrobot 0
So roaches can survive massive radiation but not a little acid?
Vitamin_C 0
Radiation =/= being dunked and churned in acid for close to an hour. And it certainly isn't "a little"...
DeadMansCrack 4
Yeah, without all of the mucous surrounding the stomach, the acids would eat away at your body from the inside.
maryoceanblue 0
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
maskedman 9
This happens to me alot. I want it to stop but I love Chipotle too much.
Love_Bug 0
you crap roaches too?? O_o
JustCyanide 0
LOL
Mustardnight 3
ROFLMAO south park never fails. Ever.
lalagirl912 0
I love Kenny from southpark :) <3
DuckfaceSoccerpu 0
it was cartman.. not Kenny.