Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10...

By lostcar - 26/5/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

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Transportation

Rock, hard place

Live dumping

This ain't working out

By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, my grandparents visited. My grandpa kept getting off the couch and walking around to "stretch his legs." He kept kicking out my computer's network cable and messing up my game, smirking each time he did it. When I complained, my mom told me to shut up and show some respect. FML

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By hipthrustdude - 18/5/2009 12:04 - Malaysia

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

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By Damn - 6/12/2016 20:12

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

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By KelseNM - 14/8/2018 14:30

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

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By Judiee - 28/2/2009 10:52 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2016 14:28 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

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By brandiboobarry - 29/11/2010 06:01

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

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By disguested - 4/3/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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By manicmandy - 1/8/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I learned that ice cubes do not cool down hot oil. Instead, it causes a massive explosion of hot grease to splatter all over my parents' kitchen. FML

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By chuchundra - 8/3/2014 20:06 - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2016 03:01 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.

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By mommylife - 15/4/2015 04:17 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2012 07:03 - United States - Puyallup

Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML

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By Ashley - 7/9/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2013 16:32 - Senegal

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

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By overundereducated - 13/3/2020 18:00

The Birmingham School of Business School

Today, I found out that my stick figure drawing passed as homework during my doctoral level seminar. I'm paying over two thousand dollars for this course. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

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By ken - 19/7/2011 07:40 - Canada

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

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By ImNotFat - 18/2/2015 04:22 - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

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By heckaza - 19/1/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

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By TheJeremyMoe - 11/8/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, my bike was stolen. Partially. Since I always locked it up, some asswipe thought it would be funny to steal the handlebar stem and the seat, leaving the actual handlebar dangling by the brake cables. Since there was no way to steer or sit, I had to carry my bike one mile back to my dorm. FML

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By NotAsGoodAsATruck - 3/6/2018 14:30 - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2013 13:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2017 22:00

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2017 14:00

Today, the main cause of my recent boost in anxiety is in fact the amount of debt that going to a therapist in the first place has put me in. I guess he did help me find the main cause of my emotional issues. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2013 17:08 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 20:09 - United States

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

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By LC - 3/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

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By JJMan217 - 3/4/2011 07:02 - Canada

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

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By raaquel - 25/1/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

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By wtbfiber - 5/3/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 02:37 - Canada

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

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By dont_shit_where_i_eat - 29/8/2017 23:15

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

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By faeliality - 15/10/2016 05:54 - United States

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

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By okaydisarray - 4/7/2015 02:31 - United States - Dayton

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2012 17:02 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

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Top comments

By rtizzle | 0

#233017 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:16

wtf kind of parking garage charges $13 for every 10 minutes? thats fucking ridiculous

By CryingHowls | 0

#233094 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:46

what kind of parking lot is that?! so expensive!
parking is free in philippines
and rates are charged hourly or every 30 minutes in hong kong (random fact: an hour's parking is 12 pennies)
13 bucks for 10 minutes is pretty intense. It's over a dollar for every minute wtf!

COMMENTS

By freemuffins | 0

#233003 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:10

:(

That sucks, maybe you should get one of those dumb "reminder" recorder things :P

By rtizzle | 0

#233017 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:16

wtf kind of parking garage charges $13 for every 10 minutes? thats fucking ridiculous

Ketchup_Castle | 30

#3217793 - Thursday 1 September 2011 22:42

Probably the ones near shopping centers that close at ten and want people to be out of there by then.

By DizzyDemon0 | 9

#233023 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:17

uhm...I don't believe you. You'd have to be retarded to park there...

Epickitty58 | 29

#5992415 - Sunday 29 June 2014 22:09

Using "retarded" is not a policially correct synonym for "stupid". Learn the rules of society, dumbass.

By Static_fml | 0

#233027 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:20

That sucks, but YDI for not pointing the location of your car, you can easly doing it with a pen on your handarm. Even more if they charge $13 for 10 min...

By yer_maw | 0

#233034 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:23

Take the subway

By jay_lawrence | 0

#233038 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:26

sounds like chicago parking to me. lol but yeah there is always meter parking or public transportation such as subway or bus. or you could've been eco-friendly and walked or rode a bike

By rukusrazor | 0

#233039 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:26

That's the worst garage / lot ever!. #6 - most cities in the world do not have a subway system.

I pay a monthly fee downtown at a lot, it's totally worth it. That $78 would have been almost half the cost of a full month.

By keiferrr | 0

#233057 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:35

should've set off your alarm ... thats how i ALWAYS find my car after a forgetful night on the town

kaylanicole1255 | 1

#2227137 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 3:25

i find my car that way too! LOL

By CryingHowls | 0

#233094 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:46

By Stunt_fml | 5

#233136 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 17:03

#10 can do math... that was about the most impressive thing about this post.