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Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

#8878424
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28938) - you deserved it (4129)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:38pm - misc - by bathroomblunder (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I spent the night with my boyfriend as he promised me that his parents and younger brother, who I have yet to meet, were out of town until Tuesday. We were awoken by his mother screaming, telling me that she doesn't want girls in the house corrupting her baby boy. He's 20. FML

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

#8876502
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9604) - you deserved it (24613)

On 03/06/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by Octobre (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML

#8875865
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39743) - you deserved it (2033)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:49pm - money - by uneducated - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

#8875479
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (4218)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while in a public restroom, a man entered the stall next to me and began vigorously wanking. He finished quickly, but as he was leaving he peeped in at me through the crack in the stall door. FML

#8875274
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23535) - you deserved it (2026)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by ThoroughlyCreepedOut (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

#8873623
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22595) - you deserved it (2244)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by Lucy (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

#8874142
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23297) - you deserved it (5589)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by smarie09 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

#8870594
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31124) - you deserved it (2536)

On 03/06/2010 at 2:42pm - love - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

#8867961
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6740) - you deserved it (46130)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

#8866144
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23668) - you deserved it (7010)

On 03/06/2010 at 10:22am - misc - by Coldflame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

#8865322
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29544) - you deserved it (7962)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:31am - intimacy - by ICantBelieveThis - United States (New York)

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

#8864405
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29526) - you deserved it (5880)

On 03/06/2010 at 8:05am - kids - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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