Miscellaneous: Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive... - FML

By nofriends - 27/08/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 676

You deserved it 8 256

Commando

BO Central

Walk on the wild side

By gr8terevil - 02/03/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 917

You deserved it 16 878

By facepalm - 18/11/2015 15:42 - United States

Today, my brother called me a clueless idiot after I told him that odometers measure distance traveled, not a person's body odor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 641

You deserved it 1 806

By I was just following orders! - 04/10/2018 12:00

Today, I visited my girlfriend in the preschool she's interning at. She asked me to continue reading The Little Mermaid to her class, handing me the book. After the story, the whole class started to cry. She never told me to sugarcoat the ending and lie, Disney-style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 201

You deserved it 571

By kahemae44 - 27/10/2009 10:20 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 329

You deserved it 5 536

By JennaMarie - 26/07/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 291

You deserved it 17 741

By Anonymous - 10/03/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I received an email from my friend in South Africa, with whom I'll soon be staying for 2 months. She was telling me that she had bought me a few things so I would be prepared for my stay. What did she buy me? A taser and some pepper-spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 930

You deserved it 5 543

By kodijack - 25/01/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, I got stuck behind a guy riding his bike 20 mph below the speed limit. I honked, cursed, screamed, and yelled, before finally managing to overtake him. Once I got home, I went outside to get the paper, and discovered that the biker lives just two doors down from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 650

You deserved it 35 107

By PJ - 05/01/2010 14:06 - United States

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 480

You deserved it 34 997

By NeverCampingAgain - 15/02/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 541

You deserved it 7 783

By wrongcar - 03/11/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, I was pulled over and was given a $300 ticket for going 90mph on a 70mph highway. The cop swore he saw my silver car darting in and out of traffic. A couple of minutes earlier that exact car had passed me while I was following the speed limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 212

You deserved it 2 505

By dead man walking? - 04/10/2015 13:21 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her dad showed me his gun collection, and said the first rule of gun safety is never to point a gun at something you don't intend to kill. All while waving a handgun in my direction and glaring at me with barely suppressed rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 645

You deserved it 2 194

By erphy21 - 26/09/2015 20:44 - United States - Lompoc

Spicy

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 866

You deserved it 6 228

By weaknesspersonified - 10/11/2015 23:25 - Austria

Today, I felt sad, useless and like I could never achieve anything. To cheer myself up, I wanted to smell some essential orange oil. I couldn't open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 317

You deserved it 3 683

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 936

You deserved it 41 358

Festival spirit

By Festivalgal - 01/08/2021 20:01

Today, I went to a music festival with my boyfriend and ran into his female bestie. She refused to say “Hello”, looked at me up and down, and made passive-aggressive remarks under her breath. After a while of us three hanging out, she stormed off and told him, "We’ll talk about this later, call me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 90

By left out wet - 22/06/2019 22:08

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed completely naked, uncovered and waiting for my husband to walk in. He laid down in bed and starting playing with his phone instead of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 27/12/2018 18:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 393

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 842

You deserved it 4 199

Jealousy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 08:00

Today, my girlfriend broke my Xbox while I was playing Warzone. She said she heard me playing with another girl, and accused me of cheating. It was just the A.I. saying, "Copy, I’m on it." Anyone selling an Xbox One? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 209

By anonymous - 08/01/2012 12:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was surprised that my husband suggested we take a shower together to save water. He also suggested we should wear our bathing suits so we don't have to see each others "privates." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 080

You deserved it 4 943

By 1 Giant Cupcake - 07/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some new scratches on the front. I kicked and rubbed it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 740

You deserved it 40 534

The serpentine movement of life

By mountainmetal983 - 05/03/2020 18:00

Today, the serpentine belt broke on my truck a mile away from work, 30 minutes before I needed to be there. This caused me to be 45 minutes late. I got written up for being late. The tow truck then took my truck to the wrong mechanic shop. Now I have to pay another tow truck bill to get it to the right shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 112

By Seriously? - 06/01/2014 07:17

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 537

You deserved it 6 512

By socially awkward cupcake - 16/02/2017 15:52

Today, a guy I like tried to talk to me. I got so nervous that I had a panic attack and puked in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 362

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 19:52 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 487

You deserved it 74 687

By couchsurfer - 10/08/2012 00:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 039

You deserved it 29 896

By FangirlMess6 - 24/03/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw a man stuck in his car door by his jacket. I ran over to help him, and his wife hit me with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 768

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 555

You deserved it 2 597

By Notabum - 31/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I received official notification that my license was being suspended for multiple DUIs. Apparently, my brother is a drunk and has been using my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 011

You deserved it 2 877

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 798

You deserved it 3 182

By DrunkParents - 31/03/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 768

You deserved it 2 713

By Username - 28/03/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has been slipping me abortion pills to "supplement" my regular birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 214

You deserved it 5 450

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Spicy

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 308

You deserved it 198

By nick - 28/01/2010 05:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on my grandparents' computer looking for my old high school resume. I came across a word document titled "Experiences". Thinking it was part of my resume, I opened it up and started reading. It was a brief, yet explicit record of my grandfather's recent sexual frustrations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 286

You deserved it 5 349

You got played

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 22:01

Today, my son-in-law's parents were saying it was a shame our kids are so busy working they have to babysit all day 4 days a week. Me and my wife babysit 3 days a week, which is when we realised our kids have basically tricked us 4 grandparents into raising their baby all week, including weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 176

By tramp - 10/11/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 259

You deserved it 19 553

By Dingbat - 13/06/2013 23:59 - United States - Quarryville

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 218

You deserved it 6 659

By DaisyMay - 04/04/2011 19:47 - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 292

You deserved it 5 190

Another fine mess

By wow - 16/05/2019 00:05

Today, I was walking my dog when he did his business. He then stepped all in it and coated his paws. As I was struggling with him, I slipped and landed butt-first into his steaming pile. My boyfriend nearly fainted from laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 313

By Richard - 25/06/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said "Yeah, yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 424

You deserved it 6 159

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:06

why wouldn't you have just sent a text to yourself first to see if it delivered or not......

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:10

Get better friends :)

Comments

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:05

Haha go expand your social life more, or get out from under that rock you live in ;)

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:20

yes i agree.... how is this an FML anyways....the world is not going to end because your friends dont text you...go out meet new ppl live your life

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Thursday 27 August 2009 18:32

agreed, people dont text you because you sit home all day texting people instead of doing something

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Thursday 27 August 2009 23:05

well maybe she only has a few friends, and her parents are strict and dont let her go out as much as others? i could see why this is a fml. if my friends did this to me i would be upset as well

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Thursday 27 August 2009 23:08

sorry i confused the op as a girl i meant "him"

the_stereotype 0

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Friday 28 August 2009 0:59

i'm going to say it's not an FML but I'm still giving you YDI anyway. you didn't have to go to the store just because your text wasn't responded to. i mean, unless someone had said, i replied back or something...you pretty much had no reason to go to the store. no offense, but i think it's kind of pathetic. on the plus side, it might not mean that you don't have friends...just that they don't have unlimited texting and don't want to pay for unnecessary texts

ThatOneGuy921 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 0:02

no1askdU

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:06

why wouldn't you have just sent a text to yourself first to see if it delivered or not......

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:08

Seriously, you can send texts online. You should have sent one to yourself. With friends like those, who needs anonymous barely-acquaintances who think you're creepy?

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Thursday 27 August 2009 14:57

My favorite variation on the old saw is: With friends like that, who needs enemas?

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Thursday 27 August 2009 19:35

Haha. Permission to steal? I like it.

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Thursday 27 August 2009 20:20

With pleasure.

girlwhoactshigh 0

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:09

Well i guess you dont have freinds :D heres a thought how about you spend less time on the computer and more time out in the real world :D

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:10

Get better friends :)

allmidnighteyes 10

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:12

He can't get better ones if he doesn't have any to begin with ;D

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:14

that happened to me except my phone was actually broken. but to test that you send a text to yourself.

gratn 0

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:17

Haha FYL. But seriously get out more.

Stupidpoorpeople 0

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:23

Deal with it.

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:33

Why do you call them friends?

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Thursday 27 August 2009 9:37

Totally agree (:

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Wednesday 30 March 2011 8:44

ur pretty:-)

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 70

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 283