Animals: Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11189

You deserved it

23695

Tweet

Share

Leave us alone

Season finale

Is that how it works?

By estephi - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36015

You deserved it

3105

Tweet

Share

By ClaireBear150 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31731

You deserved it

6108

Tweet

Share

By lonely - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51724

You deserved it

3093

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24836

You deserved it

46682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26840

You deserved it

7010

Tweet

Share

By Wow. Really? - United States - Columbus

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57729

You deserved it

3999

Tweet

Share

By i guess - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42563

You deserved it

3581

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35613

You deserved it

3926

Tweet

Share

By englishornah - United States - Somerset

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27360

You deserved it

5623

Tweet

Share

By banarama - 5/2/2021 07:54

Dealbreaker

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

717

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36373

You deserved it

3661

Tweet

Share

By sheyshey0413 - United States

Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46901

You deserved it

6918

Tweet

Share

By luni - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37766

You deserved it

8866

Tweet

Share

By KelseNM

Just No

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is December 19, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2255

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19697

You deserved it

1255

Tweet

Share

By dreamteam - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32325

You deserved it

12362

Tweet

Share

By erin - France

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9262

You deserved it

33591

Tweet

Share

By mini matthylde - France - Nantes

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25114

You deserved it

2985

Tweet

Share

By wiseoldone - United States

First impressions

Today, I'm going to an event where I will be meeting quite a few people who will be excellent contacts in my future career. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I did the whole makeup and grooming thing before setting out. I accidentally removed about half my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23999

You deserved it

8178

Tweet

Share

By toastedguy - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37562

You deserved it

13117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35144

You deserved it

15512

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45334

You deserved it

4937

Tweet

Share

By Kanata

Today, my phone cut out during a call for a job interview. I tried calling them back, but there was no answer. Later, I got an email from the interviewer, saying I was no longer being considered for the position due to my being "rude and unprofessional." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1769

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Strawberry surprise

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1756

You deserved it

781

Tweet

Share

By ShitHappens2016

Today, my mother-in-law texted to wish me a happy birthday. She spelled my name wrong and it's not my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4787

You deserved it

314

Tweet

Share

By lgt5628 - United States - Miami

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32646

You deserved it

6605

Tweet

Share

By Mimi - United States

Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9868

You deserved it

93483

Tweet

Share

By Scarred4Life - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32700

You deserved it

3488

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Grandpa's got game

Today, I tried out the high-tech eliptical at my gym. The 70-year-old man next to me who was also using one went faster and longer than I did, and unlike me didn't stop for a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6124

You deserved it

1259

Tweet

Share

By SoGoodAtLife - Canada - Toronto

Today, I gave my boss a ride home from work. I had my phone on hands-free mode, so all calls would come through on speaker. I got a call from the new job I was applying at, with my boss listening to each word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19266

You deserved it

6586

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9492

You deserved it

71291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Woodside

Dazed and Confused

Today, I was promoted. I got advice throughout the day from all of management on what I'm supposed to do first thing everyday. Not one was the same as the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6239

You deserved it

484

Tweet

Share

By PositiveElectron - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22585

You deserved it

1500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Prince George

Naughty girl

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1868

You deserved it

460

Tweet

Share

By pumpkinlover89 - United States

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55201

You deserved it

10420

Tweet

Share

By Herdad - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59950

You deserved it

3675

Tweet

Share

By tine - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32514

You deserved it

3759

Tweet

Share

By Sean - United States

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41189

You deserved it

7638

Tweet

Share

By hateskool888581 - Mexico

Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28811

You deserved it

2333

Tweet

Share

By holly - United States

Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks

80998

You deserved it

4687

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jlowder2 | 0

#770314 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:13

just remember...the mouse is more scared of you than you are of him....actually, in this case I dont think that is correct.

By eean | 0

#770334 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:25

If it was a mouse..... then yike. Don't be ashamed of yelping if your holding a mouse by its tail accidentally. It could give you rabies or something.

COMMENTS

By barfgirl | 0

#770313 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:09

bahaha too funny!!!!

Reply

beepelati | 5

#1043381 - Friday 25 June 2010 19:29

don't worry OP, mice are pretty scary to everyone. 

Reply

caligurls | 0

#1111273 - Monday 19 July 2010 23:27

 yep those horribly, scary creatures those deadly mice >.<

By jlowder2 | 0

#770314 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:13

just remember...the mouse is more scared of you than you are of him....actually, in this case I dont think that is correct.

Reply

rawrlily | 0

#1032732 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 22:11

fail

By itschris | 0

#770317 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:14

what is it with you people and rats wth if you
live in a bad neighborhood like paterson youd have to get used to it wth

Reply

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4320820 - Wednesday 18 April 2012 8:44

Proper grammar is your friend.

By eean | 0

#770334 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:25

If it was a mouse..... then yike. Don't be ashamed of yelping if your holding a mouse by its tail accidentally. It could give you rabies or something.

By Spac3Ghost | 0

#770352 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:43

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fail man =) this should be a FML for your wife!!!! shaaaaame

By whataloadofbull | 0

#770359 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:47

ew you puss wuss

By Segun24 | 0

#770364 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:50

This should be a MLIA, not a FML xD

By 24788 | 6

#770372 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 16:56

At least your cats were there to protect you.

By Str8Black | 0

#770384 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 17:23

Lamar loser

By perdix | 29

#770391 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 17:40

I'd call you a pussy, but then I remembered that pussies stalk, kill and devour mice.

But now that your wife woke up, maybe you should play with the pussy that is appropriate for a 26-year-old man ;)

Reply

Kira_fml | 0

#773906 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:32

I hope you die, you fucking moron.

Reply

insertnameherr | 11

#3917183 - Saturday 21 January 2012 6:04

yucky!