Love and Kids: Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 105

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

28/10/2018 17:30

Today, I found out that my 6-year-old son was named after my wife's "Favorite Uncle" because he might also be the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 881

You deserved it 204

Dysfunctional

Walk the line

Fake it til you make it

11/05/2017 02:00

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 501

30/03/2014 10:04

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 669

You deserved it 6 883

Home to roost

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 00:30

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling several people that my fiancé and I will be moving into her house for the foreseeable future. All because we're moving to a city close by for jobs and are still searching for housing. I found this out from several of the people she told. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 82

20/02/2010 03:13

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 005

You deserved it 2 490

30/08/2013 06:28

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 512

You deserved it 41 774

04/09/2011 09:36

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 802

You deserved it 10 577

The Shining

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old twin brothers yet again. I began to get desperate when they took my phone and would start crying every time I tried to take it back. My mother found me thirty minutes later, huddled in a corner, crying. I'm 27 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 1 237

18/11/2010 22:33

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 369

You deserved it 3 872

03/11/2010 17:14

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 619

You deserved it 31 979

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Lexi - 04/09/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 565

13/11/2009 00:05

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 368

You deserved it 8 806

18/08/2016 23:12

Today, I woke up and heard the shower running. Would have been nice to know my father in law was here before I walked in naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 430

You deserved it 2 155

04/01/2015 10:27

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 032

You deserved it 5 671

26/09/2009 03:15

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 476

You deserved it 3 526

09/03/2013 17:42

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 658

You deserved it 10 089

24/01/2009 16:07

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 082

You deserved it 34 679

12/12/2017 18:30

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 132

You deserved it 5 037

01/01/2016 07:03

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 962

You deserved it 4 591

Moving day

By Anonymous - 11/09/2015 18:49

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 278

You deserved it 3 808

15/04/2015 22:12

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 349

You deserved it 3 960

31/08/2010 12:11

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 6 728

A new enemy

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 02:01

Today, my cat jumped into my lap and sat on my headphone cord. I tried to get it out from under her by pulling on it. Big mistake. My cat is now eyeing the cord and will attack it if I move it again. I have expensive headphones and the cord is not interchangeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 384

17/01/2017 08:00

Today, there's lethal flooding in the Reno area, with all roads to my work closed and flooded. My boss still expects me to drive through it, in the dark, to work at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 441

30/09/2017 13:00

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 516

You deserved it 200

23/12/2010 06:05

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 2 231

14/10/2011 00:07

Today, as part of the treatment for my bulimia, my doctor informed me that I will not be allowed to go to the bathroom unsupervised. Meaning there will have to be another person in the bathroom with me at all times. I have a nervous bladder. I couldn't go if I wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 207

You deserved it 13 784

21/06/2019 02:09

Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 125

18/03/2012 07:07

Today, a bunch of my friends have been accepted to various colleges while I've been denied to the past 5. To cheer me up, my mom drove me to McDonald's. While we were in the drive-thru, she asked them if they had any job openings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 130

You deserved it 5 192

29/01/2017 16:00

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 341

You deserved it 714

06/10/2009 13:53

Spicy

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 340

You deserved it 3 350

Cosmopolitan's 50 Top Tips for Lonely Saddos!

By opposites don’t attract - 16/09/2020 11:03

Today, I was so sad and lonely, so I started browsing articles about how to get a man. Basically every list was naming the exact opposite of everything I am. So I guess if I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to change everything about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 320

16/10/2009 08:44

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 070

You deserved it 5 422

26/06/2015 17:42

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 124

You deserved it 2 365

11/08/2019 16:00

Today, I have a horrible hangover. My mom also decided it was a good day to go hiking. I ended up puking on the trail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 1 474

31/05/2009 16:46

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 091

You deserved it 5 625

30/06/2015 07:51

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 331

You deserved it 1 872

10/10/2010 00:47

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 925

You deserved it 11 086

23/03/2009 18:34

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 856

You deserved it 8 681

23/10/2018 11:30

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 227

02/06/2009 23:13

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 060

You deserved it 46 919

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Top comments

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Sunday 28 October 2018 17:41

Sweet Home Alabama

whiskey'swino 15

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Sunday 28 October 2018 18:23

If it is her "favorite uncle" wouldn't it be her mother or fathers brother? The kid's "favorite uncle" doesn't make sense.

Comments

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Sunday 28 October 2018 17:41

Sweet Home Alabama

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Sunday 28 October 2018 17:50

Please be your brother and not hers

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Sunday 28 October 2018 17:54

How would either of their brothers be her favorite uncle? Never mind, I really don't want to know. I also don't want to know why you would jump to that conclusion.

whiskey'swino 15

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Sunday 28 October 2018 18:23

If it is her "favorite uncle" wouldn't it be her mother or fathers brother? The kid's "favorite uncle" doesn't make sense.

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Monday 29 October 2018 4:26

It would in a way. It could be her "Favorite Uncle of the child".

whiskey'swino 15

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Sunday 28 October 2018 18:21

Paternity test stat!

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Sunday 28 October 2018 18:30

Get a divorce, and get your lawyer to demand that HE pay the child support.

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Sunday 28 October 2018 19:26

His lawyer is responsible for making sure HE doesn’t have to pay child support, not to force someone else to. It’s up to his wife’s lawyer to seek child support from the child’s real father.

greenwichgal 15

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Sunday 28 October 2018 18:51

I feel like favorite uncle was just a cover to name her son after the potential father...not that the uncle might be the father

Phillycheeze 20

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Sunday 28 October 2018 18:53

Sounds like Favorite Uncle had it in for you.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Sunday 28 October 2018 19:29

Do you mean blood relative uncle, uncle by marriage, or parents' best friend uncle? And if you aren't his father, what will you do?

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Sunday 28 October 2018 20:08

we're... talking about *her* * UNCLE*... daaaaamn

TCRII 29

Sunday 28 October 2018 22:49

Uncle Daddy

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Monday 29 October 2018 19:18

Or is it Daddy Uncle?

Santorini Lawrencia 19

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Monday 29 October 2018 12:47

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!