Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that... - FML

By BetrayedGirl - 13/1/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML

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Noise

Extreme late fees

Basic Instinct

By mildlyconcussed - 10/8/2015 08:32 - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

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By - 19/12/2019 18:00

I am sexy

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

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By surfer - 21/7/2014 17:14 - United States - New York

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

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By Hi-Tech - 3/3/2015 15:34 - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

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By amy - 20/7/2019 02:09

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

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By Unnoticed - 27/7/2017 06:30 - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

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By Unlucky - 9/10/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

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By forewhatnow - 7/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

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By - 17/11/2019 18:00

I will always be in her thought

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

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By sad gf - 14/11/2010 20:29

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

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By Elle(; - 11/8/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I felt something tickling my neck. Thinking it was him, I ignored it. Just when I was about to climax, I looked down to see a lizard on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

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By wtfbabe - 22/6/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2013 23:16 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

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By Kitcat034 - 22/1/2018 15:00

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2019 04:04

Today, while at work, I was trying to locate the source of the really bad BO wafting around, when I realized I'd forgotten to put on deodorant this morning. I have 5 hours of shame left to go. FML

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By Granny - 24/10/2009 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

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By jmitch1209 - 28/1/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2012 23:52 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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By happyharriet - 16/4/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

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By Sam - 3/12/2011 10:03 - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2019 20:00

Today, I went to Home Depot because the lamp I'd bought there a few days ago was missing a part, and I wanted to get one that was complete. They wouldn't change it because it wasn't complete, and the policy said they wouldn't change anything that wasn't complete. FML

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By Sexless4Life - 5/8/2013 18:33 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I realized that it's been well over a month since my boyfriend has even tried to have sex with me. The last time was our first time, and because he couldn't keep it up, he's too humiliated to accept any of my advances. FML

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By Doublescrewed - 6/10/2015 00:23

Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex in the day and a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

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By failingdaily - 20/9/2014 02:27 - New Zealand - Paraparaumu

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

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By twatstick - 21/8/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

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By ScaredDad - 2/5/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

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By lord kuntface - 22/8/2013 21:33 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my computer stopped connecting to the corporate network. I know what the problem is, but our tech support is so clueless that the only thing they do is utter the dreaded words, "Did you try turning it off and back on?" Meanwhile my boss is yelling at me for not getting any work done. FML

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By ForeverAlone - 3/2/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

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By Mayabie - 16/10/2011 21:08 - France

Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML

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By Claudine - 30/6/2015 06:18 - Belgium - Li?ge

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

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By stuckonrepeat - 4/8/2010 20:17 - Ireland

Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2012 16:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

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By DENTALITY - 23/5/2015 11:06 - Norway

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

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By OPforonepiece - 19/2/2016 14:38 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML

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By embarrassed - 4/1/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

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By MoreThenFriends - 16/8/2018 22:00

Rachel! Emily!

Today, my friend's father got me mixed up with his new wife when telling stories for his wedding speech. Everyone noticed. The new wife was not pleased. FML

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By fire starter - 16/8/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

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Top comments

By 40andsad | 0

#772347 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:16

I wonder if she knew something all along and didn't have the heart to tell you, and used this as a way of letting you know? I'm glad you found out now, and wish hope things work out for you.

By cavalos94 | 0

#772351 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:21

it's douchebags like him that give us nice dudes bad names>(

COMMENTS

By JERKKMONKEY | 0

#772339 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:13

you shouldve talked to your friend about that just a liiiitle earlier

By roaminginsomniac | 0

#772344 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:15

Well, sucks to be you. You're TOO trusting.

By 40andsad | 0

#772347 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:16

I wonder if she knew something all along and didn't have the heart to tell you, and used this as a way of letting you know? I'm glad you found out now, and wish hope things work out for you.

Reply

yanayo | 0

#2176435 - Sunday 13 March 2011 15:47

Good point!

Reply

bluevayero | 42

#5252189 - Sunday 16 December 2012 14:02

if that is so, then kudos to your friend for being so subtle!

By cavalos94 | 0

#772351 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:21

it's douchebags like him that give us nice dudes bad names>(

By darkmis1 | 17

#772352 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:21

Well better late than never, I guess. FYL though-both for your husband cheating on you and for him taking advantage of your trust.

By hightower64 | 0

#772354 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:23

She was doing him too, and that is how she knew.

By lifeisaplay | 0

#772359 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:28

Every time I hear a an talk they either oink or bark :/

Reply

Bladian | 5

#4174025 - Friday 16 March 2012 15:21

Every time I hear a woman talk they're either whining or crying. See, I can stereotype too!

By Ekh0es | 36

#772362 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:31

Just wait until the scumbag goes behind your back and creates a secret email account in which you have no idea of, in which he will use it for to email other people for sex. Its happened to me before. Lowest of the low.

By hasty_D | 0

#772364 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:31

awww, this stinks, that is why i never lie to my girlfriend or would cheat on her. i gave her both my MSN and facebook password, and i know i never would do anything like that to her. you can still trust men in our world... :) at least she can.

By youthink_fml | 0

#772370 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 20:35

Doesn't mean you can't trust any man. Doesn't mean you can trust all women either. People in general suck.